Lying can be devastating. Not only does it hurt the one who is being lied to, but it also hurts the one lying. Interestingly, there are a number of different types of liars. Here are 5 of them.
Sociopathic Liars
Sociopaths are defined as someone who lies continuously in an attempt to get their own way, without showing care or concern for others. These individuals are goal-oriented.
Even though it might seem hard to believe, lying is focused – they are focused on getting their own way. Sociopaths don’t have a lot of respect or regard for the feelings and rights of others. They tend to be charismatic and charming, but they will use their exceptional social skills in a self-centered and manipulative manner.
Compulsive Liars
Compulsive liars are defined as someone who continually lies from sheer habit. Lying tends to be their normal manner of responding to any questions from others.
These individuals will always bend the truth, regardless of how small or large the question is. For these individuals, telling the truth doesn’t feel right. They are uncomfortable whenever they tell the truth, while lying makes them feel right.
Compulsive lying is often thought to manifest during childhood, due to being put into situations and environments where lying became a necessity. Most of the time, compulsive liars aren’t cunning or manipulative, rather they only lie because it has become such a habit for them.
This automatic response is more difficult to break. It can end up taking its toll on being able to maintain a relationship. Many people also call these individuals pathological liars or habitual liars, but they all mean the same thing.
Occasional Liars
Occasional liars are those who seldom tell a lie. When they do, they are so blown away by what they said that their guilt overcomes them. These individuals are quick to ask for forgiveness from the individual that they lied to.
Occasional liars might not be perfect, but they are often respected for their attempts at being truthful and humble enough to admit when they are wrong.
Careless Liars
Careless liars will go about their normal lives and lie every way they can. This individual isn’t concerned about trying to hide their lies or making sure they make sense. Everyone knows that the person isn’t being honest because they tend to be sloppy with their lies. They don’t have a lot of friends because most people get tired of hearing their twisted stories.
White Liars
People who tell white lies don’t usually think of themselves as true “liars”. They justify their white lies as harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. They will sometimes tell only part of the truth, and not be suspected of lying at all. White liars may use their lies to to shield someone from what they believe is a hurtful or damaging truth.
Sadly, lying is a common denominator in many of our lives and recognizing some of the different types might just help us in dealing with the liar in our lives.
I am a patologicaal lier and a cheater i hate myself and i hurt people and have a personality disorder
Rachel, the fact that you are consciously aware of your cheating and lying, combined with the fact that you feel remorse about it are positive signs that you can heal from these things to become an honest, trustworthy person. Try looking up cognitive behavioral therapy… it has been shown to be effective in treating the causes behind personality disorders and lying. If you can change your behavior and stop doing these things that you don’t like about yourself, you will start to like yourself more as well:)
How do you live with someone you love that is a pathological lier and is completely unaware of it? Without going completely crazy?
I’m divorcing one right now.
I’m being lied to more rapidly now that she is desperate. I don’t know how I made it 3 years with this monster, no remorse for her actions. So the answer is you cant, liars don’t change.
Hi everyone.
I’m so sad. When I met my boyfriend 3 years ago I believed everything he said, why wouldn’t I right? I kept investigating to verify what he said and Well everything I found out was a lie. He has told some real doozies telling me he was divorced when I met him and he was not even telling me he went back east to put his dog to sleep and found out that was also a lie.
I also realized not one family talks to him because of the lies and he only has one friend.
He supports me and my kids and I do love him but can he get help? Does he know he’s a liar or does he believe his own lies?
Can medicine help.
His mom says she doesn’t talk to him so he can’t lie.
Help, I’m desperate for some advice.
Sorry to hear that. My impulse advise is to leave him as he will never change but I know that’s easier said than done when you are being financially supported by him. My personal belief is that it takes a life altering event for a habitual/compulsive/sociopath liar to change.
Jay you are absolutely in this statement he will never change the lies gave become a lifstyle for him or a coping mechanism I’m dealing with the same type of guy you are replying about …until something life changing catastrophic event happens in their lives …the way they are us how they’ll remain ..they don’t see any wrong in what they are doing and if something isn’t broken ..why fix it
The ugly truth
Do these liars know they are lying when they do? My mother is a liar and so is my brother. I grew up in a home where I had to turn my head or shut my mouth in order to satisfy my lying mother. A father who patronized his wife to death to avoid confrontation or any kind of argument knowing she would embarrass him and any one else that was there at that moment. Hands on my shoulders as I walked out the front door with my father whispering his apologies for not standing up for me or speaking up when my mother insisted that she was right when we all knew she was wrong! I couldn’t wait to move out and at 17 I did.
Recently I was taken back in time when I watched my mother try to pull one of my sons into her circle of lies.
I put my foot down immediately.
Acting so innocent saying “what did I do”.
Always told “well I’m not perfect like you”,
Never able to share any accomplishment or mention the pain you feel in your body witoutbher competing with something that she experienced either that was much bigger and better to a story you never even get to finish.
Purposely causing trouble between her own 3 children out of jealousy. Controlling selfish liar.
She will go as far as starving herself to death to get her way. I’ve run out of sympathy or trying to understand and will not allow my mother to E V E R lie to me and get away with it.
My mother turned her son into a liar always lying out of fear of failing!
These type of liars never stop and don’t care who they hurt.
What could have happened in her life that would create the monster that my mother has become. I want to understand before I completely hate her.
I cannot comprehend this in my own mother. The reality is shocking.
I’ve been with this person 5 years an they still lie about little things I can Mr take it nomore
I’m sorry to hear this. Have you been able to successfully move on? I tried. Didnt last more than a few months before I repelled back home. The narcissistic behavior along the with the pathological lies is killing me. I cant get the right kind of help or find the right kind of mate to make me feel good about myself again.
I wish I knew. Every day i find a different lie. It’s going to kill me.
Rachel, I commend you for your honesty and self awareness. I just wish other people had the same brave insight to look into themselves as you have done. I am (allowing myself) being hurt by a person I love dearly. he lies constantly, and I feel so stupid thinking that each time ….he will change.
He won’t change. You’re giving yourself a sense of false hope. Liars in a relationship Will never change. If it hurts you then why are you staying? You’re not worth telling the truth to is how a stranger would perceive your plight. Regardless of how long you’ve been together. You need to re – evaluate your needs and leave him before he damages you further.
A liar, is a liar…..full stop! Liars are pathetic, weak and dangerous individuals, who are not worth giving the time of day to. Stay clear of liars and don’t drag yourself down to their level, or waste your time, thinking they will change. They won’t. As the old saying goes; you can watch a thief, but you can’t watch a liar” No one should place trust in a person who deceives slanders, or lies. The tongue is truly the world’s most dangerous weapon.
You are so true
I like to seek and speak truth. I’m a lover of wisdom. That being said, we live in a world built on lies. If ever one went an entire day telling only truths, they would be imprisoned, killed or worse. Pretending to never lie is an even bigger lie. Don’t kid yourself. When you said you never lied, you lied about that too.
Wise words
I don’t believe that everyone lies about something every day. I don’t allow myself to be in a place where I feel I have to lie.
My problem is I’m to honest……
sorry I don’t agree with your statement above.
Aziae – If this is sound advice then there is no hope for Rachel above. According to you, she will never change. People in her life should abandon her.
That’s the thing about the negative things in our lives (lying, addictions, etc.). People suggest that a “cheater will always cheat”. There is no hope for that person. Why would you ever allow your sister, daughter or mother date an addict, liar or cheater. They will only hurt you again.
I’m an addict. I struggle with my addiction. Went to a singles course and one of the recommendations was to stay away from cheaters, liars and addicts. Never get involved with a person with this history. So where does that leave those of us who have cheated, lied and been controlled by our addictions? Is there no hope for us? Is there really no hope for Rachel?
Such a valid point. ^^
I agree 100% with Aziae. You are only allowing him to continue to hurt you by staying.
I found out that my boyfriend is a pathological liar. The worst part is that when we got together he used my credit card and charged a big chunk of money. I fell hard for him. I guess it’s better that I get him out of my life now and move on. His ex wife brought this to my attention. He tells huge lies and then turns it around so he looks good.
At least you recognize what you are. I hope you are getting the help you need.
I’ve been married for 17 years and my husbands lies have gotten worse over the years but always revolve around money. He’s spent entire retirement accounts and charged up credit cards and borrowed thousands of dollars from friends…all behind my back until he gets caught. For years I tried to just forgive and keep things together for the sake of the relationship and kids. I now feel used, angry at myself for settling, and just plain worn out! He’s knows I’m ready to walk and now admits he needs to change. Any advice?
Rachel according to the above discriptions , you are not a pathological liar . Which is really good One of the facts that tells us you are not a pathological liar is you feel remorse . P. L don’t feel remorse nor do they believe they are doing anything wrong .
After 10 years you would think the lies would die down!!! I’ve always known he’s a liar but not to this extent. We have broken up a few times and separated for 5 years, I thought it would be different this time. He now recognises he’s got a problem and says it’s hard for him to tell the truth. In fact, I’m not sure if he’s lying about wanting to stop lying if I’m honest. Since this is a mental situation I’m not sure if these liars are just having a laugh and making us think there’s a problem when this is all apart of us accepting the act that we are lied to.
But i will never understand why people lie compulsively, it’s sad for others.
I have question maybe somebody can help me and my boyfriend have had problem for sometime I think he’s lying to me and there is stuff that makes him look very guilty we have talked about it and he swears up and down nothing has happened and even cries. What kind of liars does that fall under ?
Hi there ive been thru the lies . beatings. Cheatings. The drunk. Evening. At the end i called him on his bull shit. On now he is in prison 4 years
My husband is a habitual liar and it is taking it’s toll on our marriage.
Our family is involved in our church and real close to my pastor and he unfortunately has seen the results of me finding out about my husbands lies and help get through with dealing with it.
My husband see’s a therapist and I see one, I really believe that he is not making any progress with the lying because he is not being honest with his therapist.
At times it seems that his only intent is to make me seem like the bad one and him the victim.
Recently had an argument and next thing I know his mother is telling me how verbally abusive I was and wrong for what I did?? Of course he lied to her and I had to talk to here and tell her what really happened.
Anyway he needs help so if anyone can provide some resources for him to look into it would be greatly appreciated it might just save this marriage!
Tiana,
Just saw your comment, and I wish I had an answer for you but wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am in the exact situation as you but my husband won’t admit he has a problem! He always tries to turn it around it on me like I have the problem and tells me he is tired of being called a liar even when the facts are there to support his LIES! What’s even more sad is he knows how it’s tearing us apart but he just keeps doing it. I want to start going to therapy so badly to try to find out how, why, what has caused him to be like this. We live in a smaller town with not a lot of choices in places to go for therapy so that is also a concern for me. Anyway just wanted you to know you are not alone and I will be praying for you!!
Ladies, I am also in he exact same situation. My husband will lie, get caught, but continue with the lie, our marriage is at stake. He will talk all around the lie . . . and stick with the lie – childhood issues, probably – trust issues, definitely – can we get passed this, I don’t know.
Can someone recommend what I can give to my partner, who I now know after many years is for sure a compulsive liar. I have read tons, but what can I give him to read so he can consider and maybe one day accept it?
A goodbye letter.
sadly, i agree….
phebe i dont think liars can be completely converted because it has become a part of them. what you can do is arm yourself with knowledge so you can identify when he is lying and you can determine weather it needs confronting or not. as long as you can see it thats half the battle in saving yourself from constant heartbreak. after a while he may notice that you know that he is lying and may get comfortable enough to see that he doesn’t need to lie. but that will take time. you cannot change or control them but you can control what you allow to upset ad hurt you. i am dealing with a similar issue. honesty for me is important i don’t stand for lying period but constantly meeting liars i am trying a different approach. i want to be able to identify them and know how to deal with them. this way i can protect myself and i will have a choice to choose which lies i can accept and which i will not. i hope this helps i know it may be late.
Have you read up on narcissistic personality disorder?
I was going to say the same thing about narcissistic personality disorder. Sounds more like that, then just a lying problem. I wish you the best!!! Xo
I find that I’m not capable of ignoring any lie from anyone any more. I no longer feel that immediate need to point out that they lied but the conversation will end right then and there without another word said and the person that lied to me knows why. And it doesn’t stop them from lying the very next time we talk.
Tears, anger, frustration, disappointments and the need to run away are all feelings I’ve had so many times for so many years. Everyone within our family circle are all aware of the liar and have no problem patronizing her but I just cant do it!
Because of this we don’t get along and most conversations end up in an argument with everyone telling me just agree with her to avoid confrontation! Even she has said can’t you just agree with me…. I can’t do it
She’s my mother…..
Hello. After reading ur post, I don’t feel alone now. Ive been with my husband 8 years and all he do is constantly lie. We’ve been split 3 months now cause I couldn’t take the lies anymore. I love him so much but I just feel like our entire relationship has been a lie, I don’t know what to believe. The lies started to mess with my sanity so splitting up was the only option. The lies, cheating he did not see where he was destroying us. I would call him out on his lies and that would make him so mad cause he really believed he was telling the truth. Its really sad cause he needs serious help…
I am in the same boat as you Jamie as well as you Tina. my husband is also a compulsive liar / habitual liar. he can do something right in front of my face and he will still lie about it and say he didn’t do it. He believes every lie he tells and majority of the time it don’t make sense. you can even tell him that he is lying and he was still deny it. I keep telling him that he needs help and he will say that he do but won’t proceed in getting it. I always wondered why his family looked at me as the cheating wife, while all along he was going to them telling them that I was having sex with Tom, Dick and Harry. he lies and he even over exaggerate . He is living in his own fantasy world. He needs help and he need it fast, I just don’t know how to go about doing it.
Jamie, it sounds as though your husband isn’t just a liar. It sounds like he is NPD,
Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Borderline Personality Disorder
You need to get away from him. There is no cure, they have no empathy for anyone they hurt, they will turn everything into your problem. Please read everything you can on NPD and also Gaslighting. You can thank me later..
I don’t know how you cope. I have been with a guy for over a year and up until 3 ml tha ago had never in my entire life been so happy and in love, the feeling that j completely opened up and gave myself to a person, trusted them with my life etc.. Then al of a sudden I just started noticing little things that didn’t add up and now the whole year feels like it was a complete lie. I was paralysed and fell to the floor and couldn’t move for 40 minutes when I found out he was seeing his ex wife behind my back.. And in the beginning he said it was sorry then all of a sudden he flips and turns it on me and says he only did it to hurt me because he thought I was going to leave him!! Like what the F*CK!!! I am that hurt and devastated, he promised me the world and I was so genuine with everything I did and said to him and he just lies and lies and LIES even about the smallest things and tries to make me feel like I’m an idiot and over reacting. I’m no longer with him but he is still trying to do this even when he gets caught and I will say “why are you still lying were not together you have nothing to lie about” and it can be something as simple as where he was or what he was doing or a version of events. It really is sickening that he can do these things to people. To think you feel like you can trust a man with yours and your daughters life (he appeared to be so so amazing, had two children of his own, successful asset wise) then to find out you’re a piss poor judge of character is devastating on your inner core.
Wow, It was like I just read my thoughts exactly. I had to respond.
Met a man, married the man, fell head over heels(for the first time in my life) and divorced the man 2 yrs later.
As of 9/2/15, I have my rad maiden name back.
Just so many unnecessary lies, but the big one’s that I found out about were a Killer. Ouch. I thought to myself how can such a smart, independent, positive women allow this to happen. I still cry thinking about it, writing this, I’m trying to move on and I will. I have to remind myself every day that It’s not me, it’s him.
Good luck
I am currently in the same boat. I was with my wife for 5 years then where married for 5 to 6 more. I just started finding out this year how deceitful and trifling my “best friend and soul mate” lol really was.
I was devastated. Im not an idiot or one who is willing to act dumb for the sake of keeping the peace or not causing waves, but I wasnt a jealous or insecure hawk either. Im a very sincere and genuine person. I value honesty loyalty trust and respect. So I am naturally an up front with communicative person
But nevertheless, I was disappointed ashamed and sickened with myself at the fact that I could be with someone for sooi long and never knew who the fuck i was really married to..
Wow I was sleeping with the enemy Too! user liar addicted to porn, spending our money on bs..I was with this asshole for 15 years,, Some how I was the blame for everything.. lol Good by! you sick Bastard!
I have been there before, was with my guy for 14years could never catch him in his lies but I knew he was lying and always making excuses and blaming others for the lies. What conclusion I have made is that these types of people don’t do it to hurt you intentionally that is who they are, they have to change for themselves. They are ill minded, sick in the head should I say. They were taught long ago to be that way through their own childhood relationships and experiences and old habits are hard to break but when it comes to personality it is really tough to change that about yourself. It will take many years for then to stop being in denial about it then many more years trying to change. In the end its really what you can handle and what you can deal,with and if you love the person enough to stay with them. From my own experience I have seen the crocodile tears and to me it seems they feel guilty about lying but can’t help themselves and they put the blame on everyone else so they don’t have to carry that guilt making thrm feel better about it. Calling thrm out on their lies makes them feel insecure and guilty about who they are and they can’t handle it mentally so telling them how they are only makes it worse. They have to see what they are and want to change if they can’t and refuse to then your just going to go in circles and stress yourself out over it. Sometimes people do things that hurt us intentionally because they have insecurities that’s not ever your fault that’s their issue but you can chose to continue to let it stress you out and that will onky bring you down more. You can accept who they are and love them anyways and not take it personal but it will weigh you down make you feel helpless and hurt, leave you confused and literally ill. So it is wise to just move on from that type of relationship. If it is meant to he and he loves you then they will change and they will want you back. It’s not healthy to stay in a relationship that makes you literally sick daily and you will feel a weight has been lifted off you when you decide to leave them and if its meant to be it will be if not them your better off without. Don’t let fake tears and false promises drag you back into a unhealthy relationship your not happy being in. Bottom line relationships aren’t easy but they don’t have to he hard either its give and take and honesty is a key factor along with respect and self respect. Respect yourself and move on you are better and can find better then that and will realize later on you did the right thing. Bless you and remember everyone deserves to be treated with respect and to be happy. Life is to short to be stressed out all the time enjoy your life cuz YOLO!
I feel your pain I’ve been with mine for 12 years now and his lying to has taken its toll. I also find him to be passive aggressive. I am very fortunate to not have any kids with him. I catch him in lies on a daily basis . I find it very insulting to my intelligence that when I catch him in a lie and call him out on it he actually has the spine to get defensive. I have one foot out the door I wish you luck but he’s never going to change. Knowing that they lie as if it was the air that they breathe and depend on it to keep them alive they will never stop.
Run for the hills! This is 2 yrs later and I hope that you have left him. It’s not worth it.
I am a liar and I need help! I Just can’t stop my self.
You have to discover the reason why you lie so often. Ask yourself these questions. .
Why do I lie?
How does it make me feel?
To Who do I lie to the most?
What kind of lies do I tell?
Why do I tell those lies?
First step you already made by owning up to your habit of lying. Second step is to understand why you lie, how you feel when lying, who do you lie to the most. Third step is to be mindful of your words. Fourth step is to be lied to. You have to realize the pain of the act itself.
What if you lie to everyone, about anything and don’t feel anything. Most importantly I don’t know where it comes from
I am a liar, all the time. I lie about my binge eating disorder, my self harm, my eating disorder, a lot of things. it makes me feel awful. but i cant stop. i dont know why, i just do. i lie so often that i almost believe myself. i dont know what to do.
Mine own comment is about lying in a relationship often and realising u are not truthful coupled with the fact that it hurts to lie to make your mind feel eased ,so how can one be truthful and be openminded from gossips?
Hello my name is Shani,
I’m convinced that my current Boy friend is a pathological liar. I have caught him in numerous lies in the past and in the present. He lies about the most childish stuff it’s ridiculous! So we have been in a relationship for over 3 years now. I have yet to meet his mother or his daughter. He has told me that his mother lives in Washington DC and this is why I haven’t met her. He has said that his daughter lives in Reno and this is why I haven’t met her. He claims he lives in Tracy, Ca but yet won’t let me come to his house. I have been to his house in Union City (he owns a lot of property) where I believe he really lives. Just two days ago I found out that his mother works for the county of Alameda and has been for YEARS! So I know she stays here in CA and not in Washington DC. Why would he lie about something so simple. It make me feel as if he is ashamed of me. For one I’m only 23 and he is 37. I truly believe he is a HUGE PATHILOGICAL LIAR! Any advice???
If he can’t be honest to you about the small things then what makes you think he will about things that really matter? He’s 37 which means he’s set in his ways. You won’t be able to help him. He has to realize and feel some sort of remorse for lying to you. I doubt at this point he isn’t capable of doing that. In a relationship. Trust is key. It is what keeps you connected to one another in a deeper sense of love.
No trust = no love
It seems like you’ve exhausted your options such as talking to him about the issue. Sad to say. If you want to be happy then it is with another person. The one you’re with isn’t providing you what you need. A man must nurture his woman with trust. If he can’t do that, he’s not worth loving.
He may be married.
Sounds like he’s married.
my advice, please get the hell out! I wasted too many years. Iwill never get back! I’m not a stupid girl.. But this Bastard played on my good heart.. Till I fought back,,,and I was the crazy person!
He is living a double life is what it sounds like. Hence he has a wife or a girl friend hes been with. Its obvious cause he lying where he stays and you are not allowed to meet any of his family.
His married , I’m in the same situation. I was wondering why I could not meet his family or his son. Turns out his married and has been lying to me for five years. I feel so stupid knowing all along that there’s something wrong , my guts told me that his still married , but still believed his lies. Love can make as deaf and blind. Compulsive liars are manipulators. They even convince themselves that they are telling the truth and will always make themselves look like the victim.
The worst liars are unrepentant wilful, malicious, unapologetic and will lie under any circumstances, even under oath, before Judges, before God himself and above all to themselves. These are remorseless and I should know. I have sisters who fit this definition to a “T”, know how to put on a holier than thou act and even attend bible study classes. They are the sickest people I’ve ever known in my life. I have disowned them but can’t erase their faces from my brain. NO. Vengeance is not mine because if I did what I thought of doing to them it would be me that would face the death penalty or a life behind bars when it is they that deserve that fate. I live to see the day they trip up, are caught , convicted and sentenced. My happiness will come from being present at their sentencing hearing so I can laugh in their faces.
*moderated post
My girlfriend says everyone tells white lies but when it comes to lying about big stuff, she doesn’t. I say if you have no problem lying about small things, then you will definitely lie about big things that matter.
Any thoughts?
That’s what my boyfriend of 2.5 years does. He constantly tells useless little white lies for absolutely no reason and then doesn’t realise why i’m “over reacting”. I hate the fact that he lies, not the lie itself.
He also tries turning it on me so I look like the bad one every single time.
I always think if he can lie about little things, how can I be for sure it won’t be big things later on?
I want to trust him but it’s hard.
I AGREE!!! you lie about small things, you will lie about anything!
I think it depends on the exact small things and why they lied. We all tell white lies. Imagine the world if everyone always said exactly how they fell with no filter. If they lie just to be lying, then that’s an issue no matter how big or small the lies are!
I don’t think most liers realize how much or how often they lie. They do it so much that they no longer know what the truth is….
your wasting your time thinking you can help this person because they will never change. I have never felt so hopeless and helpless in my life.
Why do liars always turn their lies on other people and say that other people are the liars when they are clearly lying?
Liars don’t want to admit to themselves that they are lying and often want to project themselves on others and face what they really are. It may be a hard truth or reality for them so they avoid it but this does not help them. And a lot of times, the condition that their mind is in, may impede them from even realizing that they are lying and force it out onto others. That is why help is suggested for these certain behaviors.
The best defense is an offense…..a liar once told me. Get the other person defending themselves and thinking they are wrong.
Their mentally sick!
I don’t like to lie but I seem to make it a tendency almost wanting to be a pathological liar but end up with white lies that don’t end in a sociologic progressive manner, almost with the earge to be a sociopathic liar….. it all began when i thought I was good at reading people… a liar is only hiding from the reality they could be enjoying. take care and avoid being more then you are, and so ulcerous less
I have been married 22 years, from day one my husband had lied to me about everything big or small. I have Zero trust in him. I love him but can’t deal with this. I feel like I’m the one who’s crazy. He thinks there is no problem but his crazy wife, and I’m sure his friends think I am too. He’s the reason for me being crazy. This is a very serious problem and I give 2 thumbs up for ppls who realize this problem and get help. Kudos to u and good luck.
It doesn’t stop and truth be told we all know it won’t otherwise we wouldn’t be here. Fourteen years with a narrasstic pathological sociopathic liar, they turn it and the flip it faster than you can say heads or tails only if and when their backs are against the wall and they have to choice will they apologize simply to say they did and 5mins later turn around and find every fault you ever made so they are never to blame. It is hell on earth and it’s the loneliest hell I’ve ever known cus you never would have thought it in the beginning. Their charismatic the absolute charmer and witty beyond belief everyone loves them and they will make you look completely and utterly ridiculous. I mean how could anyone believe this man could ever be this manipulative, right? No one knows how emotionless they truly are. They have no real emotions except when it benefits them. It’s a battle you will never win and you can attempt therapy but it’s no different for them than how they all believe if given a lie detector they will pass it. It’s just another challenge to them & they will win because they have to win at everything. ALL I CAN SAY IS GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SANITY IN TACK! ~.Hopeless
Hi your story is heart breaking I too just ended a 7 year relationship and I’m am sad for the break up but at the same time glad I got out now before he completely destroyed my faith in men . I cannot and will not put up with a liar . It’s the worst feeling in the world and I hope all of our stories help each other
Thank you
I used to say I would never be with or cope with a compulsive lair.
I had a short interlude with a guy once who was a shocking pathological liar.
It shook me up . It left me overly wary and cautious .
I never knew men like him existed .
Unbelievably a few years later I am in relationship with another habitual liar . This guy was more subtle and not as constant or nearly as dramatic with his lies .
It’s more about his work, his whereabouts but there have been several other things he has lied about .
I don’t trust him. It’s worn me down. Mad me miserable . I have stressed , been fuming mad and lost sleep over his lies.
He has destroyed any chance of a happy loving relationship and yet would not be able to see why.
He is very defensive , has ridiculous childish excuses for his lies . He either refuses to admit he does it or says it’s simply fudging the truth and hardly a lie.
He cannot grasp how dangerous, serious, hurtful and damaging lying is to a relationship .
He thinks I over react , I’m the one who is full of drama and really I should just realise how innocent he really is as his fibs are only about buying a bit of extra time ! Amazing !
He forgets about his lies of omission . His lack of disclosure .
He doesn’t realise many times I thought to
Myself that sounds like a lie …surely he wouldn’t lie about something so ordinary only to
Piece it together later and find out , another lie.
Trouble is at this later stage it can be difficult to prove not that he would ever admit to the truth anyway .
He lies to manipulate . If he really wants to do “A” he will try to pursuade me he doing “B” so he sneak of to do “A”. When it would be so
Much more adult and respectful to just bloody say what he wants .
He often talks in vague non descriptive ways and takes focus of the conversation off of himself to avoid disclosure . He does not easily give specifics .
Ask a question and half the time you won’t get a straight answer .
He is like a politician .
He is not a creative liar . He doesn’t make elaborate stories .
He usually lies in a simplistic many or lies by avoidance and omission.
Mostly he seems to lies to avoid getting into conflict ( trouble ) as he calls it.
The joke is he creates conflict by lying.
He was brought up in the Jehovah Witness Church ( a cult in my eyes ). Here he was almost groomed to lie simply to be able to do
The things he wanted . He lied to avoid getting reprimanded . He lied to
Hide his activities from all the watchful Dobbers .
He left when he was in his 20s but the lying has remained .
I don’t trust that he only tells white lies or fibs .
I see he had no conscience about lying, no guilt, no remorse .
I think
He would have no problems in crossing the line . I doubt he even knows there is a line .
I think he could easily justify most lies.
He never ever talks about other people lying and how he dislikes it , as most people do at times .
He avoids the topic altogether .
Good luck to
Anybody who can handle it. Life is too short. I don’t care why he lies . I just know it makes me sick and stresses me out. My life is more important that that crap. I don’t need it.
I hear every single word you just write. 100%! I thought i might be able to be forgiving if I just had some kind of understanding to the constant lying. I was desperate to learn anything I could that might save the relationship but it just isn’t possible. You will go crazy if you stay in a liers relationship. Turn around and run like hell! Especially if you have young children.
I’ve bein with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. I discovered his lies really early in the relationship as his lies hurt me very much. We got through it and I told him I would help him. He told me he was going to get help. Everyday for one hour he told me he was in counselling, I believed him. Only to find out months later that he had made the hole thing up and had never went. His lies are slowly not only destoying our relationship but destroying me. He has told me so many lies in the past I can’t even remember, he will never tell me d truth I have to keep pushing him until he tells me but he only ever tells me half the truth. I feel like he manipulates me so much into forgiving him. I don’t want to end things I just want to know what’s wrong with him. I don’t know what to do.
You’ve got to end it and I hope that you have at this point. They almost never change and certainly won’t when they don’t have to because you remain with them!
Hello everyone. I was married for 25 years to someone that I believe is a sociopathic liar. I ended that marriage 2 years ago. She left me very deep in debt and I lost house. We have two grown sons and I have two older sons from a previous marriage to someone who was a cheater.
So that makes four sons and their wives and seven grandchildren. My youngest son (21) and myself are the only one who take to her.
She is not a bad person at all. She always was there for all of us and did way more for everyone then I ever did. While we were together I kept all of this to myself. I thought that was in my families best interests. After we separated all my family came to me and told me that they had never liked her but out of respect for me didn’t get involved.
Even though this is tragic, my life is so much more stable now.
I can empathize with all of you.
I can’t recommend what anybody can do about this stuff.
All I can is the my life is better now.
Regards to you all.
It’s better because you left her and that’s the best thing to do when dealing with a pathological liar!
One more thing.
I have no doubt that my ex would pass a lye detector test. I could look her straight in the eye after catching her red handed and there wouldn’t be the slightest waver in her eye or her body language. She was cool as a mule and would actually make me second guess myself.
I told her several times that she was wasting her talent. She has the capability to become a millionaire con artist.
I’m starting over after 15 years of lies, He wanted me to retire from my job, so my life would be easier. So I retired took my pension also took a pay cut, no problem had two pays coming in.. Not even two months later he was on a dating site! I threw him out, now can’t go back to that job.. Cleaning homes is my new job! I guess he thought I was going to let him stay because I needed the money to make my bills…No I have some self respect left…..He wants to be friends!
Good for you! I wouldn’t be friends with someone that disrespected me and show’s no remorse!
According to my husband I am all of these except for the occasional one. I know I have a problem and been trying to handle it on my own, but my relationship is falling apart anyway because no matter how hard I try I keep slipping up. Most the time I don’t even know when I’m doing it and the times I do catch it I somehow justify it then as soon as it’s out there I try to fix it. But something big had to happen for me to seek help. I don’t know how to stop it or what causes it. I have no problem admitting I was/am wrong actually I blame my self for everything that happens.i need help
I’ve always believed it takes an life altering event for a habitual liar/cheat to change. Sadly, the absolute only way for your husband to ensure that you won’l continue to lie to him and hurt him is to leave you! Good luck!
What happened to you that was big? It sounds like it wasn’t big enough because your obviously still lying.
I’m curious to hear more from you as the list and not the victim. Please share more about your lying so we can learn more about your mind and way of thinking.
I have a question. Is it possible for pathological liars to come to terms with their problem and actually change? I know someone who says he was a pathological liar and is now reformed. We were in a relationship for 3 years and he had been lying and cheating in the process. I always had a gut feeling about everything, so I had little trust for him. Recently, I found out some information about him, left him and he was afraid to lose me so he started confessing EVERYTHING to me. He told me every single lie he’s ever committed during our relationship, he’s also told me about his childhood and certain things about his family. I do believe him but I’m in so much pain. I also don’t know if this is temporary, or if he’s gonna go back to the person he was. It’s just very confusing.. I’m proud of him for stepping up but it’s hard to be with him… He’s saying, he had a disorder etc. I just don’t know who he really is any more…
I understand exactly what your going through . I have also been in a relationship for 7 years and he constantly lied to me , cheated once that I know of , and I couldn’t take it anymore . I do however think that it’s a good thing that your husband confessed about every lie he told you but it doesn’t erase the pain that he caused to your heart . I only speak from experience when I say that I tried giving my relationship two more chances but he failed to regain my trust and continued to lie to me even about the smallest things. I don’t think a liar can change unless they seek serious professional help . It’s time we stop making excuses for them and make them get help and in the process u need to move on with your life and realize that u deserve the truth and most of all u deserve to be respected as his wife . I wish u well
This is what they do. They study you & tell you exactly what you need to hear. How can you be sure that the confusion was even real. The woman I was married to done this several times but each time it included confession from before it was always different. I belove she told me she did things that was probably worse then what the truth actually was.
You can’t believe any of it ever. I don’t care if you seen it, it’s still a lie. There is no such thing as remorse our morels. It’s all about them & anything they tell you is just for their benfit. No confession from them is real. Be even more careful if there is some known truth in what they say. When they use butts of truth is the most dangerous.
Good luck & get out while you can. I suffered thought it for 16 years & now that I’m trying to save the kids & myself she is coming at my with full vengeance & every disgusting lie she can come up with. I think I’m too late to save my oldest son 14 & maybe even my 12 year old from the same date as her but hopefully I can save the rest. If I can keep her from destroying me first.
What about children that constantly lie. My granddaughter is 11. She does not seem to know the difference between truth and lies. I call her out on it every time but she continues to lie. She knows no boundaries. If she has access to something she considers it hers. She is seeing a counselor but so far I’m not seeing any improvement. My daughter and she lives with me. I have to lock my bedroom door every time I leave the house. I’m at my wits end!!
I have just ended a 7 1/2 year relationship . My fiancé and I never got married but we’re about to when I just couldn’t take his lying anymore . This website has literally made me feel like I’m not alone . This has been the most difficult relationship I’ve ever been in . I’m 45 years old and he’s 41 his mom is manic depressive bipolar and was diagnosed over 20 years ago and she takes lituim pills daily to keep her sane . I’m done with him we have a 6 year old beautiful daughter together and it makes me sad to read all these stories and breaks my heart to know that there are people suffering just like I am . He’s a all of the above liar . He lies about everything but the last straw for me was he cheated on me with his ex wife just 4 months ago the worse part is that he lied told his entire family that we were over even his ex wife and they as I have many times believed him . So when I found out I moved out of our house with our daughter and I have never spoken to his family in 4 months I have tried twice now to take him back but he has not changed still lying and cheating . I’m in therapy and it has helped me to become stronger and not want to take him back ever !! I choose a life without him he’s toxic to me !!! I’m done
Good for you! I hope you’ve stayed gone as it’s the only choice to ensure your happiness!
I’m not quite a sociopath, but not a compulsive liar either. I lie to avoid awkward situations or to please my husband, but I always feel really bad about it. I’m pretty sure it stems from being an addict, and always lying to cover up my addiction. Well I’ve been clean and sober for 4 years now, but now I lie about our finances, covering up debt that was just from stupid stuff like spending too much at the grocery store, etc. I don’t understand what the is wrong with me, why I can’t just be honest. It’s killing me and worse my husband and our marriage.
What about the compulsive liar who lies at your expense? My husband’s knee jerk reaction for everything is to ‘defend’ himself with believable lies. He has lied to his entire family over 20 years at my expense. He would use me and my chronic illness as an excuse to not go to family functions. Their assumption was that he was a devoted husband who couldn’t do anything that I didn’t allow him to. I have been the reason, the blame the scapegoat. His mother, his grandmother, his aunts are all the same. They are super nice people, but they are all bonafide liars. Here’s a really great part of this dynamic. My husband agrees that his mom and her family are all liars, but doesn’t see any problem with it!!! I was forced to live with my inlaws for 4 months and would literally sit and listen and watch he and his mother in conversation, both telling lies to each other. This is the norm. We will be having our 21st anniversary in a few weeks and I have ZERO trust in my husband. I certainly don’t think he would cheat, but he lies about everything. I find it may be the end of this marriage. I can’t put any more energy into this marriage. I don’t believe a word he says. He says he won’t lie anymore. lol he can’t help himself. He then argues and argues that he didn’t lie when he did and, like many of you, somehow turns the focus to how I am behaving and reacting to his lies. He reacts like a child and it is making me insane. Every episode gets worse. I don’t think I have any tolerance for it left. He is also a ‘really nice’ guy. Other than the lying, he is a great husband. I just can’t deal with his family of liars or with any more lies from him. It is surely going to destroy this marriage!
Wow, we have a lot in common. I just found this site today and made a post. My husband like yours is a super nice guy, good career, everyone thinks he is amazing but he has always lied to me. Says he has never cheated and never would despite many if his lies making him appear as a cheater. Sometimes we go a long time and things seem really good but then I catch him in another lie and question if it’s never stopped. I love him but am also starting to wonder if I have stayed too long and maybe this will never change.
If he lies about everything, how can you be sure he hasn’t cheated? Regardless, continuous lies are not a means to a happy and healthy relationship. If possible, run for the hills and don’t look back or just accept that you will never be told the truth!
My husband has destroyed every bit of trust, and anything good that we had in our relationship with lies. It’s a shame that I have reached the point of no return because (1) I don’t care anymore. There is absolutely nothing he can tell me that surprises me or even moves me; and (2) I don’t ask him anything anymore because I don’t want to put him in a position to lie because he will lie every time.
At first, I thought he would only lie whenever something made him fearful. This made me think that if I created a more secure environmental for him, that he wouldn’t lie to me, but boy was I wrong. The truth has surfaced LITERALLY about everything he has ever told me in the past 9 years that I’ve been knowing him.
I want a divorce as bad as I want air, but I am a Christian (he lied and said he was too), and I know God hates divorce, and he refuses to give me one. I also know that a divorce from him is only going to destroy lives (I have children), but I honestly feel as though he has already destroyed my life with his lying. I don’t hate him, but I know I don’t love him either. I feel like this marriage just “exists”, and he just lies.
A divorce will not destroy your life, remaining in a disrespectful relationship will and has. Also, to stay in a bad relationship because the bible speaks against divorce is naive. The bible speaks against lying as well but that’s not stopping your husband. God does not want any of his children to be miserable. God loves you and only wants what’s best for you. Surely he wouldn’t want you to stay in a bad marriage just for the sake of not divorcing.
“The truth has surfaced LITERALLY about everything he has ever told me in the past 9 years that I’ve been knowing him.”
I don’t believe that & nether should you. There is no way your ever going to know the real truth. They even lie when they are admitting to lies.
I agree with Jay. I allowed my wife to separate me from my relationship with Jessie. I reach the point after 15 years of being lied to that I just didn’t have anymore forgiveness left in me. I felt how can I not love my wife as Jesus loved the church if he died for me & I can’t even forgive her. The scripture quotes Jesus saying why call me Master master & do not what I say. So struggling with that I lost the most important relationship I had. It wasn’t till she left the house I was able to call upon my God & rebuild that relationship.
Does the Master not say if they eye offends you to pluck it out for it is better to go through like without it then to be dammed?
I am a liar, I really need some help on this. I’ve hurt the one I love to much because of my lies
@ Duane – I commend you for acknowledging you are a liar and your loves ones is hurting- thats a huge step. What’s your plan of actions for change, turning completely away from such habit?
I have lied to my fiance about my career I said I am a graduate. I work as a nurse but I’m only a cna and I lied because he has his life together and a great job. Now I feel horrible, what do I do? He knows I only work as a cna right now because I said I love it more. Help.
Ive been with this guy and he lies about lil things and i caught him on lies about where he was. We fixed it and tried to move on but small lies are coming back in and in the beginning of the relationship he lied about his accomplishments and his goals. i love him so much but now its so hard to know if hes telling the truth. When we are good we are great but when he lies its such a war because he talks in circles and try to justify what he does. I keep hoping that we can work but its tearing me apart . I dont know what to do
I am a compulsive liar, and I hate myself for it. It’s affecting my mother the most, and she calls me disgusting. I want to get help, but I don’t have the money to do so, and I don’t think I am able to help myself. I just don’t know what to do anymore…
I’m still in high school by the way, 17, so it’s not like I’m not living with her because I still am
I was with a sociopath for 3 years. I would leave and go back but had enough. I would be with him when a situation/something happens and then when he meets someone to tell them what happened, he would lie and over exaggerate it. I always wondered if he could lie so brashly in front of me, why wouldn’t he able to do it to me. It reached to the point, I never believed a word he said. He would always make me look like the bad person and him the good. He would do suspicious things and when found out, he’ll say I does get on ignorant. But wouldn’t you get angry, if you know something was done and the person kept denying it. He’s a great manipulator and tries hard to look good in everyone’s eyes. Right now as we’ve broken up, he has all kinda nastiness to say bout me, just like what he told me bout his exes. I was unhappy and realised life is too short for unhappiness. I know it’s hard to leave but the unhappiness in the relationship begins to take a toll on you.
I told him, things are not working out, our relationship is unhealthy and we need to part ways. He agreed, but the night after, all kinda nasty messages, he leaving on my phone.
im in the same boat as well my wife lies we was married for 10 years it started in the beginning im hurting because of this i want to be her friend but i cant its frustrating i dont know what to do
can I plz get some advice i rlly screwed up with my best friends nd i dunno wht im gonna do. i had two bestf riends one whom I’ve known for abt 3 years nd the other for 2 nd basically the one I’ve known for alonger time had no clue i was bbfs wid the second one nd vise versa nd ive hidden it from her cuz i was afraid of losing her too nd im not greedy its just both of them meant so much to me nd the 2nd one wanted me to tell the 1st one tht im no longer her bff nd i rlly didn’t want tht but i also notied tht when im around my 2nd friend im myself whereas my firt one i am more fake nd ive lied to each of them for a rlly rlly long time hoping to still remain each one’s bff but one day they both were talking nd they found out abt everything nd how ive lied to them nd i swear i knew i was wrong i was just afraid of losing them but I’ve lost their trust nd friendship nd the both of them hate me nd i hate myself too plz help me 🙁
I have been dating a man for 1 and a half years. I’m not really sure what to say about this that will make our relationship worth saving but here goes…. Ive known him a very long time. I was married 20 years and divorced in 2003. After I divorce, we got to know each other better and started dating. He told me he was married and seperated 3 years. That was confirmed by the wife. He is problem #1 I caught them by email discussing a sexual encounter that happened the day before. I cconfronted them both about it, told them I would walk away from the relationship I was developing with him if they were trying to work things out. They both denied wanting their marriage and it was something that just happened. It took some time and a lot of kissing my ass for me to agree to continue the relationship. For financial reasons they are still not divorced yet but they have no longer been together (says the both of them) HOWEVER, he has been caught in several lies over this past year and on yesterday told me that he is such a good liar that he can convince anyone to believe him from telling women he loves them to get money from them down to stealing from his kids to get eat he wants. My heart broke in a million pieces. He begged me not to leave him while he is at his low point in life. He needs serious help. Should I walk away? Should I help him through this stage? Is the running game on me? I just don’t know what to do. He is good at trying to be convincing. I can see straight through most of his lies and I call him out on each and every one of them. This year I don’t have time for drama that his lies creates. If he truly wants to get help, I don’t want to abandon him when he needs support. Has ANYONE out there had success in this area?
Your situation is hopeless concerning him……not you. His being at his lowest darkest moment is just his way of winning you back and then the unending cycle begins again. This is like a “high” for his narcissistic disorder. He is not in a dark hour or experiencing a need for support. You, my friend, MUST part ways or you will have given him all of your power to be who you were meant to be…..a happy, emotionally healthy, productive individual who has so much living and giving to do for many people, not just one who keeps you on his merry-go-round. Wishing you everything that is good in life. He will be just fine when he finds quite quickly another beautiful soul to play his game with him. Narcissistic people always come out on top, so no more worrying about him and time to take good care of yourself and enjoy life. If anything good has come out of your unhealthy relationship, after a year or two of remaining single and healing, you will now have the ability to see men like the one you are presently with coming a mile away. You’ll never be fooled again. Peace.
Agreed!
My aunt and uncle took me in from my neglectful home with my mom and I have a awful habit of lying to there face and they can be the littlest things. I just do it to try to get out of the uncomfortable feeling of confrontation. It feels awful to know I’m the one who is stressing them out and hurting them. But I don’t know how to stop.
If they took you in to get you out of a neglectful home, why not try and show your appreciation by respecting their home? You can avoid the confrontation altogether if you obey them and realize that they have your better interest at heart. If that is too hard, you can always go back home (you don’t sound like someone who can be on their own…yet), but I don’t think that’s an option you want to pursue. Try and put yourself in their shoes, they didn’t have to take you into their life (you are a guest in their home). If lying was part of your survival technique to get through your day when you were in that “hell hole” with people who did not care about you, you might want to drop the routine and give you aunt and uncle a chance to help you break the circle that you will not doubt continue into adulthood. (The lies will become weightier and costlier then.) The contrition you espoused here shows that you are not a socio/pathological lair with no regard for your relatives. Build on that empathy and make an honest attempt to be a better person. Try and start thinking (futuristically) about the type of life you would want for your kids and yourself. Also, start thinking positive thoughts about yourself, stop the madness, and start living, not merely existing.
what type of lair is Donald Trump
Hello,
I have been married to a gross [pig} liar for two years,
Her masturbates to younger women , smoke pot and lies.I married him three months after we met, big mistake.He is disgusting creature almost like a monster, i didn’t think people sink so low, also he is violent, he seems bipolar or something but then he is a con artiste too, always making good in front of everyone.His parents believe his lies, the therapist he lies too as well.. I had him locked up on jail, then he came straight back home.I know I will be going through a divorce, we have no kids, live in California, I want him out of my house but he wont leave.
Pray that he does!!!!
I hope that you are not still dealing with the abuse!
I’m glad I looked this up. My girlfriend of 18 yrs is all 5 of these in 1. She could teach a lie class for politicians. We have to beautiful daughters and I’ve toughed it out. I work days her nights as a dancers. Oh the sad stories she tells the old men and they fall for it. The worst I deal with are made up stories I could care less about but find out later on just be. Lie to get out of a lie only to tell a couple lies it’s sickening. Oh when I confront her it’s either her screaming its me or or yelling I’m done or a whatever. Finally got her in a parking lot this morning at a store she said she stopped by on her way home last night. Across the street from her favorite bar well that stores already closed caught her at the bar was only there a couple mins just got my smokes across the street. Hello there closed morning came I said meet me at that store he showed the register receipt closed at 12 so she didn’t get them there even tried to tell the worker he’s wrong. I told her before she got there you really want to do this she did and only to tell me it’s my fault I said no what the f is wring with you. She finally yells back I’m a compulsive liar but she said she will change now LOL
I tell lies to avoid a possible awkward alternate outcome.
Most of my lies are goal-orientated yet when I lie I feel remorse/guilt.
Where I am in a situation which will cause me any slight awkwardness or bad consequence I will lie to escape as I know it is very easy to do.
Where I feel uncomfortable with letting someone know a part of my reality, I try to hide that reality by creating a fake reality, and once the story has enduring quality to it, I am likely to repeat it. This is due to high anxiety built up in case the particular person were to find out about my reality and were to judge me. Possibly due to low-self esteem and vulnerability. What type of liar am I?
I recently moved to the same state and city my sister lives in. I’ve had contact with her three times in the 6 months I’ve been here. Each time I’ve seen her she’s brought up situations in which chooses to remember in a completely fabricated way or completely opposite of what actually occurred that paints her in a favorable light or makes her appear to be the victim. She is so convincing and adamant, it always leaves me feeling hopeless, helpless and drained. Not to mention, even though I know what the truth is, I start questioning my own sanity. The faults she accuses me of are her own but I don’t dare say anything because she has a way of ripping me apart that brings me to tears. Please, I need help in knowing how to deal with this.
I am a liar all of the time,I guess I want people to think I am more than I am. I tired because I believe my own lies. Sometimes I don’t know the truth from a lie. I need help.
Advice needed! I have been married for 15 years to a man who has lied too many times to count. The first lie I cought him in was before we married but were living together with my small children. With my spider senses going crazy, I pushed and pushed, finally found out he was married to someone in another country. He had gotten so mad at my questioning if he was married, he even said once, if I ever asked him again, he would not marry me. When the truth came out, I was devestated but still loved him. I believed he was truly just scared he would lose me. He was not in the process of divorce yet because he said a lawyer told him to just exhaust the woman to filing herself. After I knew the truth, he was divorced within a few months. There were a web of lies surrounding details of this relationship that would continue to come out over a decade. He would get caught many more times in both big lies and white lies but throughout our marriage he has sworn he’s never cheated, even though some of his lies would lead the average person to believe he has. I have cought him lies and confronted him, he will tell new lies that he thinks are more believable only to find out later they too were lies. Over the last few years, he finally admitted to having a problem with lying. He ensures me that he doesn’t even know why he lies and that most times he isn’t even covering anything up when he lies. He has offered to take a polygraph to prove he hasn’t cheated. He actually took a polygraph once a few years ago but when asked about what he did on two nights he left our home after an argument, the result came back as inconclusive. He argues that it does not indicate deception. He set this test up on his own and I have told him the inconclusive result from my perspective is a sign of deception. You all probably think I’m as crazy as I sometimes feel I am but he is in so many other ways a really good man. He is not abusive (besides the lies). He is always kind and has been a good supporter. He is highly educated and has always been extremely liked and respected in the community, with his family and friends. His wonderful traits create a lot of confusion for me and when he is caught in lies now, he has learned to become less defensive and is quicker to apologize and seem remorseful. The problem is he only shows this when he is actually caught. He has promised to quit the lying behaviour but recently was caught again in an elaborate lie. He was out of town at a conference and ended up arriving a day early which I know was not his doing because someone else booked it. We have a joint email account and I had noticed 4-5 emails regarding the conference schedule in the inbox but had never opened them. We spoke the night he arrived at his hotel, I asked him what time the sessions started the next morning and he told me 8:30. The following morning I had opened up my notes app and saw a copy of his schedule sitting there which he had inadvertently put in out joint account of notes. I noticed that the event did not start until the evening of his first day with a welcome reception and the sessions would start the following morning. I then went to our email account to check the conference emails but saw he had deleted them all which I found was odd for him to do. I then went to the website and confirmed that the event did not start that day. I thought it was strange he didn’t mention this when we spoke that morning before he left. I decided to wait for him to tell me. I received a text at lunch time from him saying that the morning had not been too illuminating and that he had a 90 minute break before he had to be back in session. My heart sunk and my chest felt heavy. I called him and just let him talk. He went on giving me vague details of the morning session. After letting him lie for 10 minutes on the phone, I confronted him and said that I had seen the schedule. He then told me there was a change in the schedule and they probably just didn’t update their website. I told him I found that hard to believe and would contact the administration to ask why the website did not indicate that days sessions. He then changed his story to say that he had met a bunch of other attendees in the lobby and they had a 4 hour informal discussion amongst themselves. His web of lies were growing and when he finally knew he had been caught he apologized and said that he knew how it sounded but that when he realized the event wasn’t starting that day, he wanted to avoid questions and thought it would be easier to just say he was in session since he had a 4 hour informal one. I explained how rediculous his logic was seeeing as he knew that I knew, someone else booked the conference for him and there would be no reason for me to believe he went early on purpose. Now however, I believe he decided to take a free day to do something he doesn’t want me to know about. He swears he did nothing wrong and again is offering a polygraph because he sees how I would think this. I am feeling terrible, walking around with a heavy chest. Has his lying never stopped or is this just a slip? Is it possible he would go to such lengths to lie and have nothing he is hiding? If someone has spent their entire life lying to people they love, can they even be caught with a polygraph or what are the chances he could outsmart it? Part of me wants to believe he’s hiding nothing but the other part of me has an impossible time believing it. Looking for logic where there is none to be found. Please help!
My boyfriend left me two days before Christmas, with my car. He doesn’t even have a license. I wanted so badly to call the police but I didn’t. He finally returned it with no oil no power steering and the battery completely dead. Besides the obvious, it’s ok. I have never met a man in my 51 years of being alive that could look you in the face and put forth nothing but lie after lie. This still baffles me. I honestly do not get it. He like most of the stories here swept me off my feet. I fell for him in a bad way. I loved him so. He did not work, he told me he was very spoiled etc none of it mattered. I was willing to do what it took to take care of him and my daughter as well. He came and went as he pleased always taking my car, knowing that the police knew of how often he was getting pulled over for driving on a suspended. He didn’t care. Would sometimes not come home till 5 or even later in the am. When I ask him where he was or that I was worried he would just say I was at a friends house and then when I would ask who he would come up with some name I never heard mentioned before. When he left this time, like this ain’t the first time, he pushed my buttons and started a fight which I feel was what he wanted. Not even February yet and he is with this girl that the whole time was claiming to be my friend yet she was stabbing me in the back. He is already telling her he loves her etc but I’m sure that’s because she is expecting a big check in the mail. He was telling me on the1st of January that he just needed space not to cry it will all work out for us, then 3 days later telling me that he told me several times that it was over. I can’t begin to tell you how many lies he has told me, straight to my face without even blinking. The man would take his phone in the bathroom with him when he would shower. The hurt is beyond anything painful that I can think of. I try and convince myself every day that I hate him, yet all I can do is think of him. When I was packing his things up in boxes I even found flash drives of videos that he made with several other females. I did everything for him. I’m devastated over the whole thing. Will the pain ever go away. I never loved anyone like him before. I just can’t get him out of my mind. I just hope and pray that one day I will find a man that will love me with total honesty , love me for me. I bring so much to the relationship yet this has really taken a toll on my heart. I feel like i will be lonely and lied to forever. It’s very sad. Especially when the person that has been lying to you makes you second guess your own self worth.
I’m sorry for what your going through. Just know you are not alone. I think when we spend years with someone who lies to us, our self worth is depleted and we stop loving ourselves. We all want to be partnered with someone that lifts us up, respects and honours us always. I think that’s what true love is and when we allow someone to make us feel unworthy of these things, we start to believe we are the problem or at least a big part of it. We take on thier issues as though we have in some part caused them. Usually perpetual liars are master manipulaters so they know how to twist things around to take the focus off themselves. The biggest error we probably make is believing we can change their destructive behaviours and make them love us better. I am starting to see that I lack a great deal of self love and therefore set the bar very low for the guy in my life. We can’t change anyone, they have to want to change and be willing to take serious action if they want you to remain in their life. I know there are people who have turned thier lives around when they finally realized that the people who have stuck by them despite thier wrong doings, are no longer willing to be thier emotional punching bag. Nobody is perfect and everyone is redeemable but if someone doesn’t want to take action, it will never change. It’s not good enough to just say “I will never do this again” how many times have you heard that statement only to find yourself back in same place. When someone is serious about taking accountability for thier hurtful actions, you will see them go into action…talk alone is cheap! It sounds like you have been second fiddle to this guy for too long. There are good men out there but I think it starts with loving yourself as you would want someone else to love you. Then and only then will you attract the guy that will love you in the way you desire and deserve to be loved. Best of luck
I just found out that my bf of 8 months had most likely been cheating the entire time. Our relationship had a fairy-tail beginning. The 1st day we met we were instantly attracted and had a connection. I walked him to his car and he asked me to sit for a second and we talked briefly. We had a magical kiss and parted ways. By the time I made it home and was in bed, he text me saying how great it was to meet and how much he looked fwd to getting to know me. I echoed those sentiments.
Our 1st date was absolutely magical. We spent the entire day together which I’d never done before with anyone. There were many things that we had in common, most notably music. He was the 1st person that I could play my music and never hear anything negative. He would be surprised I had certain songs in my playlist.
He presented himself as very honest and trustworthy. He sent me a text within the first few weeks of meeting stating that he needed to be honest with me and explained that he’d just got out of a 12 yr relationship and had a 18 yr old some from a previous marriage to a women. I should point out that we are gay men. These revelations helped me to believe he was legit as he surely didn’t have to divulge this information so quickly.
There were several other seeds he planted in my head to make me believe he was trustworthy and not a cheater. He was often talk about the cheating ways of his ex in the beginning and how much the lies and deceit affected him, so much that he had to seek counseling.
We spent plenty of time together and regularly talked, texted and video chatted during the day. We were very much attracted to each other and had a very health sex life. He introduced me to his family and friends very quickly. All of the things you’d expect a person to do to assure you of their good intentions, he did. He wasn’t cagey with his phone or laptop. We showcased out relationship on social media. We were so perfectly aligned with our hopes, dreams and aspirations in life. We both desired to be married in the future.
The major negative in our relationship was his insecurities. The smallest thing would lead him to question my sincerity. He could call me a midnight and if I didn’t answer the phone he’d have a fit. Of course this added to my feeling that he really did believe in monogamy. It really started to get out of hand and he would do things that were much more suspect but when I would point out the inconsistency, he would agree and say he would work on both his insecurities and keeping things more balanced.
Fast fwd 8 mos later and I was made aware that he was hooking up with guys from a gay dating (hook up) app called Grindr. I was shocked and devastated. Although I had my suspicions, I never actually thought he was cheating and especially not to the magnitude that he was. He indiscriminately hit guys up whenever it was convenient which was most often when I was at work.
At this time, he was actually out of the country in Dominican Republic for his best friends wedding to which I offered to lend him the money for the plane ticket otherwise he would not have been able to go. We did speak while he was out there and video chatted once, but the service was really bad so it was often. He was only there for a few days.
I dropped him off at the airport and picked him up. I confronted him and of course he denied it until he couldn’t anymore. I asked to see his phone and phone out he’d met a doctor out there and hooked up. He was bragging about it to his best friends which hurt much more because I met some of them and I was presented to them as his man and future husband. I felt like I was the joke amongst them.
I know that he is a compulsive liar and potential narcissist. I just find it hard to believe he never really loved me. The first few days after catching him was torture. So many unanswered questions because they never are truthful. He’s only response was I’m sorry and I don’t know why I did it. Oh and he said that his friend said sometimes the betrayed becomes the betrayer. I realize it’s pointless to seek answers. The ultimate way to gain back your power is to no longer love them and that’s what I’m on a fast track towards. This blog has really helped a lot to read others experiences dealing with a liar!
Damn I just look this up my ex wife who I have been married to for three yrs lift her year a go she kept telling me lies everything was lie my marriage was lie her family even lied to cover up her found out her family and her. I have found peace I don’t got to worry about anything just plan to file for my divorce this mo I don’t got to hear about her lies or her being abuse
Hello so unfortunately I fell in love with a liar, the problem I’m having is him lying , overall he’s here with me 100 percent and I’m sure he won’t cheat but I have came across with little lies here And there , also he lies to his friends ( don’t ask how I know , but I know he does ) he lies about anything so small , the problem I have is guys lying to me and it hurts me a lot when I catch him and his lies, it makes me think “is he even real with me.
Does he really loves me like he said he does ?” I’m more concern in my future with him just because of these lies I have came across from I love the guy and I’m willing to help him and show him that there’s no need to lie but everytime I ask him a question or ask him why did he lie , he always flip around and make it seem like I’m the one who’s going bananas or I’m letting my insercurites get the best of me can some one please give me some real life advice because I do plan to have a future with this man.
I lied to my ex-gf about so many things, not because I had despicable intentions or anything like that, most of the time I even believed the lies I told, I was scary good at being someone else that I don’t think she ever knew the real me, I’ll never lie to a partner again, I don’t want to hurt another as I hurt her, I know she’ll move on, she’s tough, but I’ll never forget my heinous lies, which is okay.
Hello, so ill start with my mom, she will take an event and exaggerateand add white lies into it. Or just out of the blue while conversation with someone that she did this or someone did that and,blah blah and,turn to me or my siblings if they’re around and ask or say….do you remember that, or something along them lines trying to get me or them or us to agree with it….my older sister and my mom will both just make up stories/events/lies over exaggerate take certain parts out of the event and bend the truth sometimes a little sometimes a lot….I’m not so sure if my mom,actually believes her lies are true or if she knows she has been telling stories that don’t exist. My sister will come up with the craziest crap, wild stories sometimes stories that seem just too simple to lie about and most of the time unfortunately I don’t know what to ever believe. Its really hard for me because its embarrassing and I don’t want to go along with their made up or exaggerated stories but yet I don’t want,to,make them feel or look like fools in front of other people. My big brother will tell little white lies like say he did something kinda like a good deed or show someone how to fix something the right way because he knows how to do it all and like ive said about my mom and sister its hard to decipher what’s true and what’s not. I and,not going to say I haven’t lied because I have many times to save my ads from getting in trouble and what not, the thing is is I can be an amazing liar to make my mom, in laws while in school such as teachers, principals, and even,law enforcement. I do not like this feature of me but sometimes it come in good handy. my husband is a very honest person(no ones perfect he’s told white lies and stuff like that…human nature) and so is his family for like the half part instead of the most part, because they don’t share everything with me. For instance I will have,to puzzle piece together a lot of things before i find out what they’ve actually said, or have to be….but with my husband he sometimes has a hard time believing me because of my family members and the experience I have with lying…..its really hard to live a life like this when,your co,sidered to have the-lying-gene and actually prove that i am an honest person for the most part…what do I do? I feel torn all the time. honesty and trust is what most couples build a relationship on followed by other factors.
its hard to explain what im asking but I would appreciate any positive advice on how to change my families relationship of lying and also how to improve my relationship so my soul-mate can trust me no matter what circumstances we may face or go through
Thank you for your time!
Glad to see I’m not alone and reading all the comments took some weight off my shoulders. I’ve been with my girlfriend 20 yrs to beautiful daughters. I guess you can be all 5 types of liers in one. Big or little she’ll tell it. Just because she is a lil petite 100lbs dancers that’s what people see. I see someone who the devil would fear himself. If the CiA teaches a class on how to lie she’d be the professor. When confronted about a lie talk about heartless this will blow up and be my fault I’m doing something wrong and I need to pack and leave then that’s the end of convo like nothing ever happened no remorse no apologies just dropped I get so embarrassed when we go out she will strike up conversations right of the bat with a lie and I’m blown away and speechless. I understand a white lie maybe not hurt someone’s feelings but lie for no reason is beyond me. She finally admitted she’s a lier caught her at a local bar when she said she was leaving work coming home but the bars a block from the house wouldn’t even cared if she went if she told me but she tells me she just got there and had one drink she had to stop across the street for cigarettes 10 mins ago I’m like you bought them there across the street ten mins they closed an hr ago she swore up and down she got them there next morning had her meet me there after she dropped the kids off. Asked the clerk when they close register was closed at 12 not one. Then she’s trying to tell the guy he’s lying and he’s holding proof in his hand they were closed. So a little argument in the parking lot she called it out she’s a lier and I’m like for what like I cared if you went to the bar just tell me it’s late I don’t want to have to worry at 2 am and you left work at midnight and hell I care less where you even buy your cigarettes. Its so gut sicking but glad I read these feel a little better because I’m in the dog house for something I didn’t do but she already has her mind made up that I’m lying.she does this quite often but I always have proof to show I’ve learned to do this over the yrs but what I need to get is a recorder to tape all our conversations since I wear a hearing aid. My fault I never hear her. That’s a lie to. I don’t know how I’ve handled this for 20 and hope this behavior doesn’t put my health at risk but it felt like it already has
Hi Robert, I really feel for you. I grew up with an older half-sister who told huge lies and I never knew what to do when she started telling them. I don’t know how you cope. Your lady sounds like she has a mental disorder. The type that the person with it does not suffer at all but everyone around them goes through hell. If it’s really getting you down and spoiling your life, do you think it’s worth staying with her? I understand the huge difficulties of splitting up but I did it after 23 years of being abused by a covert narcissist. For years I didn’t know what was going on and he had me stuck in his web of lies and gas-lighting and sheer threats. Then I just could not take any more. Also I was scared he had started on our eldest daughter. So I started legal Separation proceedings. It took me about 5 years after leaving to start to be my real self, to breath deeper and sleep properly.
It was worth it.
I just hope somehow you can find a way where you preserve your own life in sanity and have some happiness, Robert. I’ll pray for you. Good luck, Lesley.
My neighbourhood told malicious lies when I was trying to help her. I knew some were lies at the time and tried to explain. The other issues, I looked into and found were malicious and were said against me in a wicked attempt to upset me, which they did. This was such a terrible shock. I wrote a carefully worded letter explaining the facts, not saying anything nasty about her.
A month later she was in her garden telling my friend over the fence more lies about me. Then she said she had decided not to read my letter so as to keep a pleasant atmosphere! It wasn’t as if my letter was rude, my letter was my attempt to explain the facts where she had told a lot of lies. I didn’t even say they were lies, I just said what the truth was in a matter of fact way.
I think she was gas-lighting me. I am sure she has a personality disorder and I hope to avoid her but it seems unfair that she is getting away with all these lies against me.
How do you cope with a neighbour like this? Her father threw rubbish over my fence and broke it and also came into my garden and shouted abuse at me, which was completely without provocation. I was indoors when he started and not even aware he was there. He had also been leaning over my fence trying to pull up one of my small trees, shaking it vigorously back and forth, while looking at me through my window. I only knew because my dog barked and when I saw him looking at me it gave me a fright. His daughter lied about what he did but she was not even there. What do you do about this?
Let us not judge one another, we all lie, fact! If you can say you have never lied then you can throw the first stone. A lie is a lie is a lie! Can anyone justify lies? A great person said ‘the Truth will set you free’! No one truly believes that a lie can set you free and I do not know anyone who can live a lie in life or in death without the truth coming out.
It boils down to, are we being deceived or deceiving ourselves. If we can deal with the cause of our lies (if I have lied, I need to admit it, tell the truth and live the consequences and do it no more.) firstly searching ourselves for the truth and if, we do not know why we lie, we need to search ourselves even more, we cannot do it on our own, we need to know the truth and what the truth is and it’s characteristics! Let us seek the truth in love and we will be free from our lies! I read the bible where there are many situation where people like me have lied and lessons are to be learned about how we can avoid the lying trap and learn from the errors of others that are so like ours. You mite say that the bible is not for you or that it is out dated but if you have not read it, for example the Psalms, or Proverbs it cannot hurt to take a look. Once you get past the language or find a clear version and then if you do not find it helps you may seek some other source of wisdom other than your friend’s who may be in the same situation as you or deceived and willing to give poor advise that has failed them in the passed. I am not wanting to push the bible it is that it works for me. For example: Proverbs 15:1-2
15 A soft answer turned away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright( in a right form; without mistake or crime.): but the mouth of fools poured out foolishness.
So when someone is upset, out of character and come with anger if your response is calm and not judging way, using the knowledge of how the person behaves when they are calm you could avoid confrontation.
Just test it, you have nothing to lose. Ask for forgiveness and learn to forgive and see how easy the truth is once you are free from lies!