Do You Have a Narcissist in Your Life?

Do you know a person who almost always thinks only of themselves, can twist any situation into one where they are the victim, dominates most, if not all, conversations, and generally blames their problems on others?

If the answer is yes, chances are that you have a narcissistic in your life.

Let’s examine the causes, characteristics, symptoms, and treatment options for a person diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

​NPD is one of several psychiatric disorders that are referred to as “Cluster B” personality traits. There is no definitive answer as to what causes NPD, but there are many theories. Most psychologists agree that that the patient must be predisposed biologically in order to develop the disorder.

Secondly, the interactions they have with others as a child, their temperament, and their ability to handle stress will factor into the development of this personality disorder. However, there is disagreement over what type of childhood relationships are more likely to be seen in these patients.

While most believe that NPD patients are the result of being overly praised, babied, and pampered as a child, there are some professionals that believe it is a product of abuse and neglect in the younger years. The only way that it can be diagnosed is through an evaluation of symptoms performed by a psychiatric professional. Many clinicians will not diagnosis someone as having NPD until they are through their teenage years.​

Narcissists often have an interesting group of believes that revolve around how much better the world is with them in it. They are often preoccupied with their perceived beauty, intelligence, and success and give off a vibe of extreme arrogance. They tend to think that anyone who is critical of them is simply jealous. They expect others to go along with their ideas and will almost certainly become irritated when they do not. They are inclined to think that they are extremely special and only other special people are worthy of their company.

They are rarely, if ever, pleased with others and most often see others as inferior to them. Overall, they are very dramatic and demanding of attention. They display symptoms that can be quite overwhelming to those around them.

Two primary symptoms include an overpowering need for others to admire them and a complete inability to empathize with others. They almost always dominate conversations and are adept at integrating themselves into other’s problems and tragedies.

The following is a good example of this. Jan just lost her four year old son in an accident. At the funeral she is comforted by many friends and family who are offering their condolences. Her sister, Jill, makes her way into the middle of the group and starts sobbing hysterically about how she “cannot go on without her nephew.” She refers to him as “the love of my life” and wonders aloud “Why did God have to take him from me, his favorite aunt?” Before long the group, including her sister, is trying to console Jill and the grief the mother is feeling is pushed aside. (Little does the group know that Jill saw her nephew just a few times a year and really just ignored him then.)

People diagnosed with NPD often tend to exploit others as well if this works to their advantage. To their defense, they usually do not even realize what they are doing. They truly have a problem with looking outside of themselves.​

Treatment for NPD can be difficult and time consuming. While there are medications that can treat distressing symptoms such as behavioral issues, there are no medications that will magically make these traits disappear. Instead psychotherapy with a trained clinician is a must. This can be very draining on everyone involved as the narcissist is pushed towards recognizing and understanding their condition and developing insight into their behaviors.

The overall goal is for the patient to develop a sense of empathy and more realistic expectations of others. Whether their condition improves or not is almost solely up to the patient. They must be able to realize that they do have a problem and they must be an active participant in therapy sessions.​

It takes a very strong person to be involved in a relationship or friendship with a NPD patient. You must have an understanding of their condition, be willing to listen more frequently than you talk, and understand that you may not make them happy.

Overall compassion is key to surviving this relationship, but never let them know this.

23 thoughts on “Do You Have a Narcissist in Your Life?

    • Ive been dating a girl for 3 yrs. Shes talked me into doing things u said i wouldnt ever do or do again. I cant seem to ever say no for very long cuz she is very suduceing and powerful with her body, lies n shes even used drugs to suck me into her spells. I have always felt i could somhow make her want to b a better person but she just lies all the more i have lost alot in this relationship and have to seperate cuz shes sucked the life out of everything about me. Dont no how i let this happen,yet she still hunts me down day n day out trying to convince me of outlandish things. I truly never no ware shes been or doing ive been a fool.

  1. This was so helpful, I really needed this, these are the exact traits of my boyfriend, I heard the term only yesterday & realized that this was him, I’m so scared now & don’t know what to now. Help please ? What should I do ?

    • Thanks this has helped. I think my sister suffers from this. Its hard because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. But I think its gone on for to long, weve all been putting up with it and she’s getting worse. I think its time to confront her to go get some help, to many people are getting hurt and I worried for her because shes so convinced by what shes saying is the truth and everyone can see this needs to stop. I’m worried because friends and family are getting fed up with her but I can’t help thinking she’s lost control of things.

    • Michell,
      You have to leave and do it sooner than later. This person will never change and will drain you emotionally, physically and financially as well.
      Take it from a person who tolerated it for 10 years. I’m so much happier now, and don’t know why I put up with it.

  2. thank you this has given me insight as to what em dealing with, my huuby to be is just like that for a moment i asked my self where did you meet him to describe him in such a way that i couldnt do it myself

    • Precious, if are not already married, then give it some serious thought. I just gets worse and worse. I have been married for 2 years to my husband and my life is a nightmare plus he now moved into violent actions also….I am an extremely strong woman, but I am almost at the end of my tether now. Your self esteem will reduce by his words and actions

  3. I just split from my ex and was reading about verbal abuse because I believe I was a victim of it with him. I came upon another website talking about NPD and abuse and realized this was him; I am really not losing my mind! Some people are not full blown NPD but have some traits of it or a mix of disorders from what I read. Either way I say RUN! Look up narcissism addiction abuse, my boyfriend was also addicted to pain killers. I’m just so glad that I can finally understand what this is why I need to walk away finally.

  4. Thanks for this. My boyfriend has NPD and life now is a living hell. It gets worse as time goes by. He was charming and funny when we first met but that person is a distant memory. He lies constantly and actually believes his own lies! He’s starting therapy next week and I’m hoping it might help but not holding out too much hope.

    The best thing if you know or are with someone with this disorder is it get therapy yourself because your self esteem will eventually hit rock bottom. I’m there now and it’s a horrible place to be. Confiding in someone is a great way of off-loading and give logical ways to deal with a NPD.

  5. I could write a book. Yes, my N ex-wife fits NPS completely. But, she lured me in with her great body and sex. We married and had three children. But, she has had three affairs all with bosses. She has lost four jobs. And her lying and double life finally took its toll and I had to call it quits. She continues to bounce back and forth from her current love interest and me just trying to control and manipulate both of us. I see it but he doesn’t. My life is a living hell. And, what will become of my kids. Don’t get connected the a narcissist!

  6. I have one of those in my life. But he also has very abusive traits as well. He is also a pathological liar. He also is a compulsive cheater. His favotive type of abuse is the gaslighthing effect. He likes to make me belive that what I know to be the truth is actually not the truth. And I can’t seem to dig my way out of the situation. We have 2 childern (I have 1 from a prior marriage) together and I spend most nights crying myself to sleep worrying about my 3 kids and the effects that this relationship is having on them.

  7. I think my partner has this. She constantly puts people down and compares them to what she is doing. She grew up in abusive family and I have constantly made that excuse for why things are! But it is getting worse and she actually seems to like conflict as I am now no longer making excuses for things she does. There are so many lies she tells that she actually believes. We have two young children together and I worry what would happen to them if we break up.

  8. Please, please, if you are in a relationship with someone like this, please get out. I was for 7 years. He has lied to me, my family, his family and countless others. The saddest part is that he has lied to himself and is his own worst victim!!!

  9. I married my wife just over a year ago now…I love my wife and I believe that she loved me then and she still loves me now…she just doesn’t seem to have the ability to be truthful or non deceptive …before we were married I realised that she had a very serious secret drinking addiction. After I had received a strange call from my wife’s phone I found her passed out on her now ex-bosses front lawn (in the middle of the day)stinking of alcohol so I took her straight to hospital where I was informed that my then fiancee had been admitted into hospital numerous times for alcohol abuse….so I decided to help her finally free herself from this sickening disorder. You see I was once an alcoholic too and as after many years I had managed to defeat alcohol addiction I was very willing to help my then fiancee also defeat this crippling addiction…and once we had this under control we then married.
    I’m bit of an expert at perceiving body language now days (ie telling if someone is fibbing to me) and back then although I was pretty knieve I sorta knew when I was being lied to and when she was drinking I assumed that was just part of that package…and when we fix the alcohol abuse the fibbing should go away etc…
    However this did not happen…so as I would question her about things that just didn’t add up she would heavily focus everyone’s attention on either “how I found out or how I reacted emotionally to her lying” rather than admit or explain or take any responsibility for it.
    Naturally I was struggling to cope with this type of behaviour and early on in our marriage was thinking that she was exclusively and purposely targeting me which caused a lot of friction between us…I had confidential discussed this whole situation with my GP (whom has known me for more than 15years) and still regularly keep him up to date with our situation.
    It wasn’t until a few months ago completely fed up and just needing to know what the heck was going on once and for all that I bought her a new phone and pre-download an app that temporarily allowed me to secretly record and listen to her entire web of lies…once I had 3000 logs of conflicting evidence (including swearing on her mother’s and children’s lives that she was telling the truth even though I already quietly knew that she wasnt being truthful at all) it was only then that I knew for sure that she wasn’t just lying to me and when confronted with all this mass of evidence and she was still denying any wrong doing was officially the moment of truth when I knew she has got this horrible uncontrollable illness Compulsive Lying Personality Disorder but it’s neither her fault nor does she even realise that she has hurt anyone at all…but let me tell you that this is one of the toughest things that I have ever had to handle including finding out that our nabours family and friends and even my work colleagues have all been fed various fairly tails some harmless but some personal and highly embarrassing untruths in which naturally it so tough to continue to keep holding one’s head up…but I guess we all have to remember that we are not alone.
    Thank you for reading about and relating to our plight

  10. I think as a partner of someone living with CLPD or NPD it is very important to have supportive people to talk to whom have been in or are still in a similar situation as ours if only to help retain one’s self esteem and maintain each others understanding of our difficult and challenging plight

  11. this is truly what i needed to understand that i have been a victum for several years. I was begining to wonder if i was crazy,thats what my boyfriend of six year relationship keeps saying to people and of coarse myself. I have been drained of all my self esteem, and verbaly abuse on a constant basis,that i am not able to function anymore without having complete insecuritys about myself. I have given everything i had and now i have nothing. I am really mentaly & physicaly sick from this relationship,and im scared to go on. I need to get back my positive energy. thank you for helping me understand more about my situation with the man that i have loved for so long,knowing that he hasnt felt the same feelings towards me. I will miss him,but i cant keep fooling myself thinking that he loves me time to move on.Thanks again for your support.

  12. I am totally stuck in a relationship with a compulsive liar, nearly 3 years on and off, he has not been diagnosed with n p d but he totally fits the bill, each time I end it because of his constant lying he will persuade, pursue, manipulate means because I do love him very much I become week and give in, I don’t Understand my own head! he had a terrible child hood and endured abuse and some neglect, in care for a lot of his child hood, I’m overly aware of this and sensitive to it, and this isn’t his fault. he is a very charming handsome guy and claims to adore me, help I’m trapped I can’t tell people in my own life that I’m with him as they would be horrified because of his past lies and not to mention his bad behaviour, so hard

  13. Having been married to a narcissist for 28 years and only saving my life by leaving I urge no one to continue in a relationship with one of these twisted beings! Get out, and do no contact. Then work on yourself.

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