Five Steps to Stop Lying

Do you have a problem with telling the truth? Are you ready to change your lying habits and create a new you?

There are many reasons that people lie. Telling lies or making false statements always leads to a troubling lifestyle. You may think that lying can get you that new promotion or even the guy or girl of your dreams, but what happens when the truth unveils? Most of the time the results are disastrous and once it gets to that point, correcting a lie is often hard to do. Now the question is what you could do to change your lying habits. Is it possible? Well, according to experts, changing lying habits is doable, but requires will-power and dedication.

Here are five steps to start you on a journey to a new, honest you.

1. Admit It

The first step in any addiction and if you are a habitual liar this is an addiction, is to admit that you are a liar. Not just to yourself, but to others as well.

2. Support Team

Contact loved ones and friends. Let them know what you are trying to accomplish. You will be amazed at how much support you will get. Also, a support team is necessary to help build your confidence throughout the entire process. Sometimes a support team can also be an outside help such as a therapist or support groups that share similar interests. Therapy is another option for habitual liars. Participation in a liars group in counseling may aid you on your road to learning how to tell the truth. Discuss with the group or the therapist why it is you feel it is necessary to tell a lie. Be honest. Be open. Be yourself!

3. Indentifying Triggers

After coming to terms with yourself and admitting that you are a liar, the next step would be to identify what triggers you to lie. Some triggers are things around you or people that you are around. Take a close look at how your attitude or actions change when you are placed in certain situations. Ask yourself how you feel at that given moment. Are you angry, ashamed or happy? Perhaps the trigger is to make you feel better about yourself. This is where you have to identify what causes your emotions, which may trigger you to be in a position to lie.

4. Deciding to Quit Old Habits

Making the decision to stop lying takes a lot of guts. This is possibly the hardest step towards changing lying habits into a positive intervention. Now that you have decided to change your old habits, nothing can stop you from progressing. Take a walk over to a mirror in your home. Stand there for a few seconds with your eyes closed. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Now open your eyes. Look at yourself in the mirror. Say out loud that today is the day you will become more trustworthy. Lies will no longer define who you are. Why? Because you are in control of what happens next.

5. Changing Routes

Now that you have figured out what triggers you to lie and have decided to quit old habits, it is time to change the way you do things. Don’t worry, this does not mean that everything in your life has to change, only in the areas that trigger you to lie. For example, if you know that you lie when you try to impress someone, then try to avoid that person until you are ready to step forward and introduce the real you. No lies attached. This step is simple to accomplish as long as you are willing to put forth the effort. Try it and see!

26 Replies to “Five Steps to Stop Lying”

  1. To whom it may concern:
    Dear Sir/Madam

    I would like enquire about how to get help and advice on this as well as to find out if I also suffer from syscophina as my mother has it.

    Kind regards

    David

    • Hi, I really need help on telling lies and why I tell them, I’ve been looking for a number but I can’t seem to find one please could somebody help me

  2. I’ve been caught lying about my finances, I live with my folks and my mom went through some of my bills that I had said that I had paid off which I didn’t do. I’ve lost their respect and want to get it back, please help me!

    • If you have problems in your life you’ll need to talk to someone to help you figure out how to make it better. You will need to identify the causes for lying and how to make that cause get better. Start by dealing with the problems you have in your life. Identify them, list them and think of possible ways to solve them. Once you have solved that problem you can start thinking about how you can stop lying. Since the problems aren’t there anymore, you don’t need to lie, right? Take it step by step and gain back control of your life.

  3. Not sure if it was sqido or not ,but I read that some times compulsive liar’s have commited suicide, That 5 simply way’s part kind of loosely word’ed and contact address nothing found,this leave reply changed twice

  4. For as long as I known her she had anorexia/ bulimia and that was real ,but also compulsive from her step father (actions ) and the medical problem’s from them.But i was told she got help, simply switch’ed compulsion to lying.After being told her brother had aid’s for 20 year’s, I was told he died,only to see him a month later seeing his mother in a hosp. and he said ( common quess ).Whats wrong you look like youv seen a goust.Im the only one who know’s it all, and there’s more,thats why the previous question

  5. I think I am a compulsive liar. I can lie Very easily about situations and also like to feel that they are real. I think my imaginative situations over and over and ultimately make it sound convincingly real. like today I was caught using cheats and I am scared to death about the consequences but I have planned a situation where those chits were mistakenly on my desk and I was caught mistakenly. To those I have told seem to believe it as my personality and good behavior makes them think the way I want them to. But Still I am afraid to death and it doesn’t reach my eyes which are masters at fooling someone.

    • I Know exactly how you feel. That choking sense of fear, it infects everything that I do or think. I’m 22 years old now and I lie without a second thought. The way I see it, my sense of self is very fluid. I created personas to fit certain situation that I run into, and called them my masks. They are build from dreams, imagination and lies. They are triggered when I feel that I am in a situation that makes me feel that I’m out of my comfort zone. I would put on a mask and everything would be alright, that crushing fear would be gone. I did it so much and for so long that I lost sight of who I really am. I don’t even know anymore . I manipulate everyone around me to think about me the way I want them to see me. I live the lies that I tell and they are as real to me as reality. Because I believe the lies that i tell, they ring as true to everyone else. I can look at others in the eyes and they see no deception, because for the time that I’m lying, it is my truth. I believe it absolutely and people feel that conviction. I’ve even fooled lie detector tests because there’s no doubt in my heart about what I’m saying. I’m majoring in psychology, because I was born with a talent for it. To lie at this level, one must understand the human mind and heart to an unbelievable degree. I bet that it’s very hard for you to trust others. That is because the more we lie to ourselves the harder it is to see the truth in others. We become blinded by our own lies. To be constantly filled with fear, leads to despair and hopelessness. We are prisoners, being crushed under the weight of all that we have said and it’s killing us. The heart dies a little every day until we are empty inside except for the fear. I implore you, talk to someone, anyone. A priest, a trusted family member, it doesn’t matter so long as you do. I don’t want to see anyone to lose sight of who they are among the lies like I have. Today a lot of the lies that I told in order to exist came to light. The interesting thing was that, I felt nothing but relief, no more fear. If you have nothing then you can only have something from that moment on. I hope that this helps you. You are not alone in struggling with this. I hope you break out of your cage and become free. You have my support.

      • Your story is encouraging me. I have been a compulsive liar now for as long as I can remember. I will just be talking with someone and put of my mouth without me even thinking about it, I will tell a lie. Some lies become so big and go on forever, that I begin to believe them myself because I’m so used to lying. I also struggle with drugs, alcohol, shoplifting, you name it, I can get addicted to anything that makes me feel good or better about myself. I begin therapy today because my life is at a point where I can no longer live like this and if I don’t get help, I will loose everything.

  6. I have made a big Mistake buy lying to my gf and family when I 1st met my gf I was not working I was low had a lot of things going in my haed so I told her a big lye because I was embarrassed That I was working
    Then I kept it up for months tell she ask me about I came out the with truth did think she was going to leave me but she did not we ended up having a baby boy we did get over the lye but as we got more in our relationship I found myself still lying about things I don’t why I do it or say the things I do just don’t unstand it I’m all so very close with my mum and that get in our way my gf think that my mum comes be for her and my mum can never be wrong an i all ways sick up for her but my mum has been there when I had a very bad pass she was my rock and my gf don’t unstand the connection We have we not long had a big row with my gf over something my mum did something wrong and then I lyed again she wanted to break up with me over it seem like I’m always lying to get myself out big holes and i feel like I’m shit at every thing I do

  7. Hello,

    I am posting here as I really need to get some urgent help with my compulsive lying and I wanted to know if there is anyone I can talk to.

    Do you have a phone number for anyone I can talk to to get some urgent help.

    I am a compulsive liar and our family is under a serious amount of pressure and I am spoiling Christmas for my four children.

    My partner and I are having major fights every day because of my compulsive lying.

    I can’t seem to go for a day without telling stupid lies.

    I have spent so long telling lies I don’t know how to change myself and my partner is at breaking point, I am making him ill, he suffers from chronic migraines and my behaviour is making him get migraine headaches nearly every day.

    The arguing and fighting is driving us to breaking point and my children are suffering living like this.

    Lies just come out of my mouth.

    Sometimes it is a conscious lie that I know I am telling and other times they just seem to come out of my mouth and it is too late before I realise what I am doing the damage has already been done

    I am a recovering alcoholic. It is just over a year since I had my last drink.

    I have spent so long telling major major lies about my drinking and about money and I have just got myself to the point now where I am still lying about stupid things that I have no need to lie about.

    I have been to see my GP and he is referring me to mental health services but he has warned me that this will take a couple of months.

    But I need to get some help quicker than that.

    I am damaging the family beyond measure.

    The atmosphere in the family home is awful every day and this is all my fault.

    One of my children, my daughter who is 4 nearly 5 now also tells lies and makes up stories about things that have happened and this is all my fault.

    I love her so much and I don’t want to ruin her future with my actions.

    I really want to stop, I thought I could at least try to improve the situation myself but somehow the lies keep coming out.

    I don’t want to be this person, and I don’t want to break up our family or damage my children with my behaviour but I can see this happening right in front of my eyes and it is all my fault.
    Please can you give me some help.

    With thanks

    Laura

    • Laura, I have to ask you if you’ve been able to find help & has it worked? I am in the identical situation, but on the receiving end of the lies. My gf is an alcoholic & I’ve come to believe she is lost. Same thing kids, fights, etc…I don’t know what to do.

  8. Hi im in the same boat, im the lair ive lost friends and family due to the lies ive told, im worried if i seek help they will take my children from me. Just need alittle help,, sam x

  9. I can admit that I lie t only to my boyfriend and the more I lie the more he pulls away from me. I really need some help with my lying ways can someone anyone help me.

  10. Hi!
    I have a problem with compulsive lying (which goes back to my childhood). It has never been an issue with my career or home life as I have been successful in both…..until now.
    I am 57 years old and have been married for 31 years. For most of our marriage, my wife has tolerated this problem. However, we are now at a crossroad in our marriage and it has become clear that I need professional help.
    I live in central NJ and I hope that you might be able to give a recommendation of someone that can help me with this problem.

    Thanks,
    J.

  11. I’ve lied about a lot of things. Only because ive never been loved the right way. I used to be good…this i know. The one thing ive never lied about is the way I feel about people. Ive lied about who i am to people ive really loved with all my heart…what hurts the most is ive lied to my family..my mom..my brother. My sister has a boy and a girl who i love so much..ive never lied to them…i cant. When i was younger i had alot of things happen to me that fucked me up mentally. I never felt good enough. I needed the attention to feel like i was seen. As ive grown up ive felt more and more guilty about the lies ive lived. Im missing real love. Im so suicidal because I’ve hurt a lot of people…tho they have no idea it still ways on my heart because I am a good person I just fucked up at a young age and needed to secure these lies because I knew nobody would understand. My relationships were never a lie. I don’t lie about stupid things anymore. I don’t make stuff up of lie about situations so I’m not sure what kind of liar I am. I know how to love..if i didnt i wouldnt feel so guilty. I met someone who is so good…so beautiful so perfect THIS is someone I can not lie too. He’s so sweet and honest and caring…he makes me want to change for the better. I want to change so bad I’m willing to leave everyone behind and run away because I know I’m good. I know that the lack of love in my life has played a huge part in my lies. I want to start over but I can’t face telling everyone I love the truth. Inside I know my truths and I know I can change if given the chance and the understanding and love I’ve always needed. I’ve fallen in love. the second I met him everything changed. I’m not worthy but I want to be for him so bad. I told him I’m sorry for my past and that I never ment to do any of the stupid things I did I cried on his shoulder and he asked me what was wrong. I told him I’m just fucked up and I wish I could tell someone..anyone the truth and still be loved and or cared about. He told me he loved me and we could run away together so I could start a new life…. I absolutely will not be able to do this with him. Once I’m better I hope he still loves me. I can’t bare hurting him. He said he didn’t care what the problem is and he still loves me I can tell him when I’m ready but I don’t think I can bare to tell him I just know I’m ready to change. I have no reason to lie anymore..I know why I did it. I just can’t stand that I’m definitely going to lose him. He’s the only person I’ve been the most honest with. He makes me better. He makes me good..he’s loved me in a way I’ve never been loved. I want to tell everyone I’m sorry.

    • Hi I know how u feel!! You have just described how I am as a person. Sometimes I can’t even remember what I have said to a person my mouth moves before my brains registered all the emptiness you feel inside yet no one knows right. We seem to be the life and soul of the party. I need help too never thought it was a problem until my partner told me that I don’t listen and yet again have told another lie. I truly feel I am not sure who I am people see the confident woman I am but not the days when I feel so low that I can stay in bed and forget the world. Is this a condition? Can CBT free us of this? Was lovely to read your post. I wish u every success in your recovery. God Bless.

  12. My best friend isn’t my friend anymore because I lied to her on a few accessions now I’m lonely and confused am I a compulsive liar.

  13. This is the first time i’ll be trying something like this. I finally came to terms with my condition a few months back and I never believed it was a real problem. I am an extreme narcissist who has no empathy for a lot of things. I also am very self confident but sometimes I kinda doubt myself a little but this is often rebuffed as quickly as it comes. I actually never used to be like this until I went to high school(it was a missionary school-all girls) and some of the reverend sisters in my school especially my principals always picked on me with little or no substantial evidence. As a result of what I presumed was pure hate I was often punished a lot and the punishments never measured with the crimes committed. so, my classmates during the first years(from let’s say js1-js3) never liked me. I felt you know, like an outcast and always cried whenever the holidays were over. due to all the stress in school and the fact that my dad never changed my school I hated my dad and I often felt unloved because I was not as smart as my sister who was always the top of her class I was a rather average student who was so comfortable with my position although I have a really high iq, I never put any extra work as long as I passed, I was fine. The stress from school really affected my behaviours with people even till now. I became gothic,reclusive, a masochist and a saddist and also sometimes I fake being sick I don’t know why because I do not have munchausen syndrome and really hate drugs but I am a medical student so I have vast knowledge of symptoms. well, long story short, I now adore my dad and have a few friends(9friends to be precise) and I love them so much but they know NOTHING about except what I have made them believe. I have the ability to read people so, I always know how to manipulate them. I love them so much plus my really awesome family but I don’t know how to talk to them especially about my problem. they always tell me about theirs and I am always ready to listen and help them and I even sometimes tell them fabricated ‘secrets’ so they think I confide in them also. Because of how alone I feel, I turned to music-mainly classical operas,blues,gothic. I often lash out by getting pissed easily and shouting without making any sense. Another thing is that I am loud and bold so, I mask my fears and hurts extremely well. I am often viewed as a down to earth easy going person but inside I am hurt. and sad and broken. I really want to tell them because of how much I love them(I often get bored of things and people easily) but I cant! It has affected everything around and about me because I am afraid of letting people in I often destroy every good relationship I have( p.s; I have only had one boyfriend who was so nice I broke him. literally destroyed him and his selfesteem) I am often attracted to broken people and when it comes to issues with the opposite sex i’d prefer chasing and when the boy starts to like me back, I loose intrest. because of this people think i’m gay and boys are afraid of approaching me. so, I am boyfriendless and that’s why I am always studying(to make my parents pround) and a desire to prove a lot of people wrong! which is very unnecessary.
    I NEED HELP. I don’t even know who I am any more. I tell very stupid ies for no just cause and without even flinching for a second but feel very depessed afterwards. Now, I don’t even know the reason why i lie! you can ask if the sky is blue and i’ll say no it’s green for no just cause. i don’t know what to do or who to talk to. i understand I how disturbed and broken I am but i don’t know what to do about it. I am in constant state of fear of embrassment(one thing i can’t stand). I want things to be different i really want to be happy but i don’t know how. most times i cant even cry so, there’s a lot of bottled up emotions which constantly make me ache so much that i want to cry but can’t! please anyone who can help me! please do. i really need it. I am 18 years old and have a really long road ahead of me. i want to stop being miserable.

  14. I’m close to giving up with life because of lying constantly, I’ve lied since my father left when I was 6 and I’m now 34. I’ve lost everyone to it and feel truly alone, no family and no real friends because of this. I’ve become self-destructive using drugs to escape the crushing guilt and regret, I’m a compulsive liar and I need help….but how? I am alone and cant afford private help. I cant find support groups in London and I cant enquire about therapy because then I have to explain why to complete strangers before they even allow me to see one, not to mention I will have to wait a long time before I can see one and I am so worried I’ll end it before that. If anyone in London knows of anywhere I can go please let me know.

  15. im at this stage of my life i have to get it sorted.i remember being a child having father that yelled at me all the time,either i was telling truth or lie, i remember situation when i was bullied by other girl, our parents were friend so of course my parents never believed me,again my father would screem at me. i cant denial im still lying at 34having good job, having stable relationship,planing to get married. i do have to brake the circle in someway.
    i think whats triggers me is actually frantic panic i get in trouble, which i do sometimes, but i notice i do lie about different things to feel better about myself. my work generally is based on dealing with customers,taking enquirers and all that personal work that you have to deal with.i cant really deal with confrontation, so to avoid it i do lie,i know people are so mean and rude this days,but i think im still this little girl inside that was screamed at by her father and there is no words to describe how bad she feels,or how strong she would like for someone to listen to her.i was trying to control myself, to be strict with myself, to double check and confirm that what i do and say is truth,but when situation get out of hand, when i know there will be trouble, let say someone will scream at me, or someone will be unhappy,i rather lie and get one of my colleagues to deal with this,which is very bad,i know its like self defense mechanism.today i made a big step i have told my partner about my issue,which he said he knew ,we are together 7 years so probably i did it to him as well. i falling in to depression every time something big blow out at wok,if its mine, or someone ells es i feel very bad and personally responsible for it. huge feeling of guilt,shame.work isn’t easy we have to lie to customers on daily basis because products arent delivered on time, accounts arent paid so im wondering is that kind of environment is even good for me. every time i get super depressed its feeling of guilt,shame triggering my thoughts about suicide. for the last few days im soul searching and i will get it done, i will get it better because i know i can not leave this way.

  16. Hi there,

    I would say that first of all it’s a really brave thing to admit. To become completely naked and let someone know exactly who you are and who you may not be also- it’s very brave. This is the first step.

    The next thing to do is to learn to forgive yourself in order to move forward; you are working towards a better you and you recognise that. Make a pact, write a contract with some realistic rules and guidelines that you feel you can stick to, for example: I will tell ‘x’ many truths today. Once you can start to understand yourself and why you do it, you can find the situations that trigger it and start to work towards reacting differently. I would suggest, perhaps working on the issues you have with your memories and experiences as a child – as childhood is the framework for all adults.

    I’m having therapy at the moment, and have just looked into NLP & Hypnotherapy for compulsive lying. I’m also enquiring for CBT therapy (which you can get on the NHS) later on as all these behaviours are now habits and thought processes that needs to be removed and replaced with new habits of truth.

    I hope this helps in some small way.

    Sincerely,
    S

  17. I’m having trouble with lying I’m about ready to lose everything in life my wife who i love the most I lie and don’t even think about it it’s like I do it and some believe it I need help bad cant afford tharapy can’t find a hot line please help

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