How to Stop Habitual Lying

Habitual lying often begins as a means to gain attention, boost self esteem, or to increase social standing. However, over time the opposite often results. Habitual liars frequently find that they have burnt numerous bridges, spend large amounts of time alone, and have a difficult time maintaining relationships and retaining a job.

If you are a habitual liar and have decided that it is time to stop there are ways to stop lying. The following tips will help you take back your life.

First and foremost, it is imperative that you find a therapist that you feel comfortable with and can be honest with. Therapy is essential to determining the causes of your behavior as well as understanding what effect your lying has on those around you. Most therapy sessions will revolve around behavior modification.

You may participate in role playing exercises or situational skits with your therapist to help you deal with situations that would normally result in you telling a lie. It is important to make your therapist aware of any setbacks you may experience so that you can work through them.

Utilize your therapy sessions to figure out what your emotional needs are and how you can make sure they are met without resorting to telling lies. You may be lying in an effort to find companionship, increase your self worth, or to make your life more exciting. Work with your therapist to find ways to honestly meet these needs. Then, make this the basis for how you interact with others.

While working with your therapist you may discover that you have underlying psychological issues that must be dealt with. If your therapist feels that you may benefit from medication, they may refer you to a physician.

You may benefit from an anti-anxiety medication if you often lie in response to feelings of anxiety. If low self esteem or depression appears to be the root cause for your habitual lying you may find that antidepressant therapy is helpful. If you are prescribed medication it is imperative that you take it directly as prescribed and not stop your medication without discussing it with your physician.

Constant lying usually results in others not taking you seriously as an individual. Once others have realized that you are a habitual liar, you will have difficulty earning their trust back. Trust can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to win back. This may be a time when you want to participate in therapy with individuals that you have hurt the most by lying. It is an ideal environment to discuss what impact your habitual lying has had on others and make amends for your previous actions.

Just be aware that once you have told others that you have confronted your behavior and intend to change it, you must do it. If you revert back to lying, there is a good chance you will burn several bridges forever.

Be aware that you may need to start small. If you have spent the majority of your life telling elaborate lies you may find it almost impossible to stop lying overnight. Commit yourself to telling a small number of truths per day and increase them as time progresses. Do not expect that you can just stop a deep ingrained behavior in one or two days. It will take time, but it is possible to stop lying for good.

Know what a lie is. Lying by omission is a lie. This can be difficult for habitual liars to understand. Be aware that remaining silent is a form of lying that can have a significant impact on your relationship with others. For instance, if you cheat on your spouse and they find out, you cannot rationalize this to yourself by saying “Well, they did not ask me about it!” Leaving information out can have the same results as coming up with an elaborate lie, if not worse.

Telling the truth will likely dramatically decrease the stress that you are under. It is much more difficult and time consuming to try and remember what lies you have told and to whom. You will find that it is great relief to tell the truth.

Stopping habitual lying is difficult. It will take tremendous effort on your part, but the results will be well worth it.

169 thoughts on “How to Stop Habitual Lying

    • I did some research in hs and college on compulsive liars, but I have never considered myself one until lately. I remember hearing my mom on the phone telling friends about our day, and it was drastically different than the truth. Lately, I wonder how different my representation of the day is when my 5 year-old listens in. I was an English/speech comm major, a creative writing minor. To me, my “fantastica” version of a story is like using a metaphor instead of a simile or “showing” instead of “telling.” I’m not saying I bought used clothes at a high end store, but I will over play how much I saved/how little I spent.do I need help?

      • I need help i cant stop lying and i don’t know why I lie i lie to everyone that’s important to me that i care about and love. I lie to my boyfriend over and over again now he is tired of giving me chances and I’m still lying to him breaking promises now I’m afraid this time I lose him for good and that wont give me another chance is it possible to love someone but you cant stop lying.

        • Acknowledge that you have a problem. Is it Trust,Depression, Financial, to kind, no friends.
          Tell yourself i need help,get referred by GP,ask around see qualified Therapist CBT.
          Anger,stress,social isolated, unemployment.
          Do it,Act on it.

      • I can fully relate . I have lied about some many things I don’t know where to start . I want to STOP to save my 26 year marriage. So your NOT ALONE. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED…

        • Remember: YOU ARE FORGIVEN.
          Make a DECISION that you will stop lying.
          COMMIT to it.
          Go to each person you have ever lied to and MAKE AMENDS. Apologize. If they are no longer living, or it would not be a good idea to go to them (ie if they would react violently, are too far away, or it would compromise you or them) then do it in your mind, or, write it in a letter.
          TELL what you did, be TRULY sorry for what you did, and ask how to make it right. You must FEEL how your lie hurt them. You can send the letter. You can keep the letter until you feel safer. Or you can tear up the letter and commit to changing your ways.
          Remembering what you did and how it must have made them feel.
          Make a COMMMITTMENT to stop lying, EVERY DAY!
          Then, you begin to catch yourself in everyday little lies.
          Stop yourself. Admit to yourself it is a lie. When with others, immediately admit that it was a lie.
          Be patient with yourself, this could take a long time.
          Give yourself positive feedback when you do it.
          You will be amazed at how quickly you can heal yourself and others by admitting it right away!
          Get help and support. Ask a loved one to help you. You will be pleasantly surprised how willing people are to forgive you and help you. Perhaps someone you know has the same problem and you can share and work to help each other.
          Sometimes it will really hurt. We do not want to know how much we hurt others by our actions, but it helps you to grow and change.

          • I need help too..I so far in debt because of hiding credit cards from my husband its a cycle everything will go along fine then I start hiding things from him and lie to him about it. We have been together 30 years married 27 we agreed early on not to get credit cards because his dad did what I am doing. I the credit cards recently happened within the past few years, before that I would hide bills and other things and lie. I hate confontation, I always want everyone to be happy. Also my husband does not beleive I mental health issues. I was diganosed 45+ years ago with ADHD as a kid and 20 years ago as having bipolar 2. Both are untreated currently. He says that is just a crutch. He also says i dont care and show no remorse for my actions
            I dont know really know why I do these things. I dont wake up saying what can I do taday to screw things up.
            I have told him many times that I need help.
            I’m tired of lying, hiding things and messing up. Help please

    • Don’t worry I have it to and I’m trying to stop. Don’t worry you will find a way to stop just pray every day and ask God for help I’m positive that he will help you.

    • I feel your pain ive just came forward about being a liar and I really want help I am also bipolar so they are gonna look deeper in me because they think I might be borderline personality disorder also known as BPD I hope u find help like I am trying to do lying has ruined my life

      • Amen me to that, so for all the things listed describes my life. I need help too diagnosed with PTSD having 3 brain surgeries I have lost three marriages and my children no longer Trust. Today is the first day that I am willing to realize that I’m a liar. N need help

    • I have lied constantly to my wife who i adore. But that is not all. I had an online affair and stole money. When confronted by this i still tried to lie my way out if it. Sorry foes not work. And i am at my wits end. The truth is easier but why cant i use it. I wish i was strong enough to be truthful but it seems so much easier to lie even when i know i will.probably be caught out yet again. The cycle never ends

      • Edward

        I’m the same I have lied to my wife to who I love more in the world, but I can’t find to tell the truth even when I’m confronted with it. It’s destroying my marriage and I want help. I’m going to a psychologist to try save my marriage.

  1. After reading I know this is my problem from being tesaed all threw school , I never felt lile i belong. I have been in realtionships and the one im in now is being destroyed by my lying. I can never control how much I lie it just comes out like a second langue. I need help just dont know were to turn ……please help

    • My compulsive lying has destroyed my relationship aswell none of my relationships work because I lie through my teeth about who I am and who I know my selfesteem is low and imweek minded n insacure n have trouble with dealing with abondonment since my mother aboned me as a kid in el salvador I drink to deal with my selfesteem issues n Ive burnt bridges I regret please also some advice would really help me

      • I’m so jackd up its like I lie just for ppl to like me. I lied to this women who I met at bike week. Not knowing I was going to fall so deep in love with her. So I had to come clean tell her the truth. And she back up from me. That’s not the only time it happen a few more times with her. And I’m just sick of it I have pushed her to the point she don’t believe nothing I say. And she had trust issue before she meet me I just made them worst. I love this women I wont to be her everything I wont her to trust me. Help me.

        • The problem lies within you, you need to see your ways and when you lie, if you can not stop, come clean instantly. Tell the truth as often as possible

      • I need help…i used to lie to mi parents when I want to go out with gf and with mi females frnds……pls…help me

    • i come from a back ground of liers . and iv been lied to all my life about everything. my life as a child has been to pretend that i was a bad child to get money for my parents. today as an adult i have relationship problems, friendship problem, family problems and the list goes on. i deeply want to be a truthful person and im open to any help.

  2. I have this problem and I’m sick of it , I feel like my life is based on a lie , I know I have low self-esteem ,.and I guess telling little lies here and there would make.me a tad more interesting, but its got to you point where I’m lying daily , I feel like I need help , and I want it to stop but I’m afraid to tell people the truth because its gone past the point of return !

    • I know a lot of compulsive liars. Most of them don’t want help. They lie so much that it is in their subconscious mind to be dishonest. They lie just to lie. It’s sad because they cause problems for people they claim to love and because their life is based 100% on the lies they have told

  3. One reason for a compulsive liar has not been listed anywhere that i have looked. I believe that the reason I have a problem is being scared to let people down. I don’t want to cause anything negative for anyone else so i started lyeing about certain things to keep everyone happy. This may have originated from a situation at home when i was younger. The problem got worse when it became habitual to lie- about little things i felt may let people down

    • I CAN SO RELATE TO YOU!!!!

      I, too, could not find this information anywhere. And this is the main reason why I lie.

      I don’t like to put people down. I like to pretend I’m living in a happy world… but when the truth comes out, everything gets ugly and I totally regret that. Wish I could’ve told the truth sooner. 🙁

      • My name is Marty. I am a liar and am loosing myself and the ones I love most. I hate this I want to stop I can’t do this anymore. I’m not even good at it. Help, I’m Losing what’s real and good.

        • Excuse the pun! “The answer lies within us” very good . As a child I was told I was a liar many times in a vicious condemning way sometimes I would be telling a lie that came from FEAR of being truthfull this affected me to the point where now I will e honest to a fault which means there is balance needed to know when to be mindful depending on my motives and timing. Now I can see the person who bullied me and accused me is the most deceptive lying and devious of all

    • I relate 100%. That’s exactly what I do and now I’ve ruined my marriage. I have the most honest and truthful husband anyone could ask for. However my lying has brought traits out in him that I can’t begin to explain. I lied to the point of keeping everything from him to do with finances until the Sheriff turned up on the doorstep to evict us. He found out when he answered the door. I let it go too far because I feared what people would think of me and worse. My husband still wants to be with me and god only knows why as I have lost all self esteem and any confidence I had. I feel like I am the most evil person on this planet for lying. What is more heart wrenching is that I have 3 beautiful children who are in the middle of it all. How unfair is that on them. I need help to save my marriage and go back to that person I once used to be. Happy, go lucky, confident, honest and successful. I’m determined to make a change so any advice would be great.

      • Oh my goodness my story is pretty similar. I want to pretend I have the perfect life and make everything perfect for my husband and family. I cannot say no and over commit myself. But I will never ask for help. I will lie to keep everyone happy and try to fix it myself. And then in the meantime I mess it is worse. Mainly with finances. I hate to disappoint and cannot handle confrontation in any form. My husband is an amazing man and we too have two kids in the middle of it all. He is willing to stay with me as long as I do not lie anymore. But the hardest part is when I get mad at him for not trusting me when I do tell the truth. It’s a terrible ride to be on and difficult but I am hoping I can make it off this track and start a new one. Any suggestions you have would be wonderful!!

        • This sounds like my life except it’s not a husband but my parents whom are in that role. It’s gotten to the point where they are ready to take away custody of my daughter and if I were completely honest with myself I don’t even know that it would be a bad thing no matter how much that would kill me.

  4. Hi there, thank you for this article. At least one truth is set in place I am a pathological liar. I have managed to single handedly ruin the best relationship and probably my final chance to happiness by creating a person that I wanted to exist who has a personality so far different from mine, a life filled with adventures and illnesses that probably should have killed me years ago, Ive lied about my family denying the existence of my father in my life because I could not be proud of him and refused that people think I will end up like that one day. I have lied about where I grew up, my mom’s nationality, my experience of high school, the personalities of my family members, even the version of my day yesterday is filled with lies and some Ive started to believe myself not knowing where it actually begin and end. I have to put a stop to this. I have accepted the fact that the most important people in my life will no longer be there for me. What should have been the greatest support system anyone could ask for will turn out to be my biggest failure and the reason I can no longer stand myself, respect myself or have an ounce of sympathy with the pathetic excuse of a human being I have turned out to be. Please I need to set the record straight with the ones I love but will need some help to achieve it. After that I have accepted that the road will be a very long and lonely one to finally achieve what can be hopefully someday a half a life… Please help if anyone can… I have officially reached the lowest that I can sink…

    • I am the same way. I am just starting to admit it to myself but its past the point of no return. Ho do you tell the people in your life that you lied about something so huge as a severe illness? I lie about the stupidest shit. I grew up in a bad environment where it was almost impossible to succeed but success was most important. I’ve never admitted this to anyone and I don’t know what I should do. I’m trying to stop lying but it is so hard

      • I hear you same here I had a very bad childhood was sent away as a child when I became 18 I was out out onto the street from the place I was in for the state. Every since I have lied to everyone about everything. I can not make a relationship work. It is like second nature . I must really dislike myself to do this to me and others. I pretend nothing bugs me and that I don’t feel anything. but deep down there is a part of me that is being destroyed and I am lost deep within myself hell I have no clue who I am

    • While i don’t wanna admit it, I can completely relate to what you shared bro. My wife is the sweetest woman in the world, gone beyond anything average person woulda to make me feel comfortable about myself yet I’ve pushed her to a point that the words “I’m sorry” don’t have any value , no matter how sincere it is. Scared to death I’ve ruined any chance of healing. Isolated from the world, no friends,coped by using which just fed the problem. Seems so many ppl don’t grasp this is shame based, fear based, and get a kick out of rejecting a person for a real problem that is rooted in fear of rejection. Talk about sad irony. Can’t say I’d have any advice worth taking but if you need someone to listen feel free to holar at me.

  5. help! I am 15 and ecer since I can remember I have been lying, about everything, I dont even think about it anymore it just comes outas a reaction the truth is almost never the first thing into my mind.. It has destroyed many friendships and no one in my family trust me at all anymore. Any advice helps.

    • Just start by saying 1 (one) truth next time you feel to lie, and see what happens – you might be surprised to realize that you didn’t need to lie. If the truth made the other person mad, is ok – once they’ll calm down, you might find a solution together.

      Just start taking one day at a time – one truth at a time.

      • Dear Lily The words you wrote are basic down to earth with common sense. Ive been a perpetual liar since i was a young boy somehow at 4″30 in the morning today i wound up on this site i read several peoples story i relate to pretty much all of them after reading yours with a few sentemces especially the one day at a time that i learned after many years of substance abuse and being dishonest. I seem to truly understand these basic words its as if a piece of the puzzle can be placed on the right spot. Thank you Kev.

    • I know exactly what you talking about.. It’s like based on the amount of time you lie.. it becomes so easy for you to do it and you don’t recognized until it’s done.. lying is hard to stop and I think I have been lying from a kid. Try to get rid of the habit as soon as possible before you ruin relationship (boyfriend and family for me- I just want to stop)

  6. I too am a habitual liar. I have hurt friendships and relationships with my lying to the point that I cannot stand myself and have no respect for myself; therefore I can not expect anyone else to either. I have lied to keep from letting others down, to build myself up, to avoid confrontation, to avoid negative feedback, to protect others from worry. I want desperately to be honest, but doing so I feel would make me look worse than I already do. I grew up feeling responsible for everyone else’s feelings, in an alcoholic home as an only child…and have grown up as a codependent who is not happy unless someone needs me. I am not sure how to make this right…but I have to figure this out soon. I am miserable.

  7. For the first time in my life I have to be honest and admit I am a habitual compulsive liar. I have destroyed all my previous relationships by lying, and convincing myself that lies won’t hurt anyone, the truth is I’m miserable and have destroyed the best relationship in my life, and this after having been caught numerous times before and promising my soulmate that I will stop lying… I have a problem and need help. I can’t afford a therapist and don’t know where to turn. I want to change my life as I am hurting everyone with my lies. Please help

  8. I’m fourteen and I know for a fact that I am a pathological liar I know that I lie everyday and almost everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie. I hate that I lie and I can’t stand it. It not only hurts me, but it hurts everyone around me. The only thing that compels me to seek help is that I am sinking into depression. I can’t stand myself and have attempted suicide but haven’t succeeded. My parents bring me down every time they catch me lying. Saying that I’m a piece of crap(not the word that they used) and I don’t care about anything except my self, but the reason I lie is because I can’t help it. I don’t wannt to let anyone down or piss anyone off. I have low self esteem and I can’t fix it on my own. I had a therapist once but it was because my parents finally took any interest in me and found a picture of my cuts. I feel like shit everyday because I don’t want to live the life I’m living. Lying has become the biggest part of my life and I hate it. I hate just about everything because I don’t know how to control myself from lying. I need help desperately.

  9. Firstly, congratulations to everyone who has admitted on here to lying. There is your first truth! I bet it felt good to just release that.
    Secondly, It’s important now that you have taken that first step, not to lose that drive and momentum of wanting to change! As the article mentions seeking professional anonymous help is a great step, however, if you are not quite up to taking that step yet I think Lilly’s suggestion is perfect. Try telling one truth per day, even if you have to re correct yourself ie if you have said “it took me 10 minutes to get here” when actually it took you 15 say “oh no sorry it was actually more like 15 minutes.” To whoever you say this to won’t care if it’s 10 or 15 minutes it won’t make much difference to them, but to you , re correcting that small lie will feel like a huge deal and I’m sure you’ll want to shout it from the roof top if you can do it! Try it and let us know on here how you went? We will know it was a big deal.
    Roni, you are so young, please don’t do anything to hurt yourself. It’s hard to see now but there is a future a head of you. Start your truth telling journey now, you will soon see life isn’t all that bad.

    • I can really relate to everyone. I am 15 and no one in my family trusts me at all because I lie all the time. I have talked to my parents who get it, but don’t get the full extent of what I feel. I hate lying to them because I know that they don’t deserve it. But it’s impossible! I choke every time I try and then I lie and even when we both know I have lied i continue. I really don’t know what to do but this has to stop.

  10. A lot of people go through this same problem, so please don’t feel as if you guys are alone. THERE IS A WAY OUT! Don’t worry! And the answer is NOT in the cowardly choice of taking your own life. As cliche as the saying sounds, it is SO true: “the truth will set you free.” I want each of you to try this:
    Just say ONE truth throughout your day in a situation where you know you would otherwise lie in. You will realize how incredible it feels to finally have it off your chest when all is said and done. If there is a bad reaction by others during those moments, please remain courageous and do NOT take the escape of covering it up with another lie. The truth is the only way to freedom from the terrible forces of this world. You will NOT be rejected by the people who matter. Telling the truth will allow you to realize who really are your real friends and which ones aren’t. The real ones will stick around regardless of what you have said or done!!! The feeling is so amazing to know that you are being authentic not only with those around you, but with your inner self as well! There is an immense feeling of rejuvenation when this happens within an individual. It is almost a rebirth! Don’t let anyone make you feel as if lying is the only way out. Your way of shutting them down is by telling them the truth WITH CONFIDENCE. Start thinking this way: You MUST say EXACTLY what the truth is because it is essential to who you are as a person. You will NEVER COMPROMISE no matter WHAT the situation may be. Lying is an evil which is already part of your past. The new you begins TODAY. PERIOD!!!!! No more excuses, ifs, ands, or buts. THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE.

  11. Ever since I was little, I lied about everything. I lied about my family income because I wanted my friends to think I was rich. I was ashamed of my family back at home, so I lied about their personalities, portraying them as the best family a kid could ever had. My dad was supposedly a successful engineer and my mom worked at the bank. This was actually a reality for my cousin whom I was insanely jealous of. Anyway, I lied my way into high school. I lied in my college essays. I’ve told my college peers tons of lies about my life in high school. I lied about being a vegetarian for seven years. I even lied about having a friend commit suicide because I wanted attention from this guy I had a crush on. I’m such a pathetic person. I’ve never been “caught” lying by the people closest to me so I don’t think I’ve ever learned my lesson. I would just feel terrible afterwards. Now, lying is like my second nature. I don’t even have to think twice about telling a lie. It’s like natural for me. To tell the truth, I would hesitate and ponder on whether the truth would make me appear the way I want to appear. I have serious self-esteem issues. Sometimes I think I lie because I have a big ego, other times because I have very low self-esteem. I feel so worthless. How can I stop? Do I have to come clean about everything? Or should I just stop lying from here on out?

    • Hi Cassandra, I’m the same as you are right now. I have a big issue that I wanted to settle, when I was a kid I usually lie to my friends to make myself cool it’s like lying gives me more self esteem it boost me so much that I lie from time to time. I went to college. I get money from my uncle and he’s working abroad to fund my tuition fee, I get extra more money from him like I get an extra 300bucks from him to havee more spending money. I want to stop lying it’s like when I talk to someone I automatically say nonsense things. I really need some help. Please, I feel what you’re feeling now. I think you can help me. I’m feeling sore right now, it’s like everytime it came to my mind it makes my heart ache and makes me sweat bad. It’s really haunting me.

  12. Its really refreshing to know that I’m not the only one with this awful trait. I feel so embarrassed about lying the way I do especially when it’s something small that I really didn’t need to lie about. I have been a compulsive liar since I was 6.over the years I have changed my friendship groups so many times because people have caught on to my lies and pushed me out . my family know that I alot and its got to a point where they can’t tell whether im being honest or not. It really hurts. I believe the reason why I lie is because I feel like I am a disappointment.ive always wanted to be popular and loved by everyone I know and meet. I feel like I am a failure and at times when I lie about myself I felt like I was finally the person I want to be. But for only for a short time and then reality kicks in and I am everything I don’t want to be. I lie about my name, nationality, siblings, my biological dad, qualifications, mums job, mums age, stuff iv taken, places ive been, things I don’t or do know, rape, guys ive been with,my new boyfriends workplace. Even typing my list down is tiring because it’s shameful. I am hoping that by telling a few truths a day that I will get rid of it.

  13. I’m making a commitment right here, right now to stop my habitual lying. I have been a compulsive liar since I was a small child. The first significant lie I can remember telling was when I was in the first grade. I told all the other kids I was French because, living in Australia, I thought that would be more interesting than the truth, which is that I was born in New Zealand. I thought I could thereby come across as a more exciting person in the eyes of my peers. This lie continued right throughout primary school and middle school and constantly covered it up with other lies to keep from being “outed”. I think this set a pattern for my life in which I would lie about nearly everything. I would lie to cover up my credit card debts, to make myself seem more knowledgeable or smarter than I really am, to cover up my unhealthy eating habits (my waist is really starting to “out” me on that one), to cover up the fact that my wife is quite possibly infertile by saying she was pregnant and then later saying she had had a miscarriage in order to garner sympathy, and many many other crazy and stupid things. Most of the things I lie about are completely unnecessary. For instance, it’s not really anyone else’s business if my wife can’t conceive, is it? It’s just between me and her. So why didn’t I just keep my stupid mouth shut? I have even lost a job before because of my lying. Basically I’m at my wits end. I feel horribly guilty and trapped…Yes, that’s exactly it…I FELL TRAPPED!!! And it’s time I freed myself from my own personal prison. I have an appointment with my therapist on Tuesday to discuss my anxiety and depression but I’m now beginning to see that these issues are probably related to my lying. I really want to talk to my psychologist about this but, in all honesty (yes, I’m being honest :-D), I just don’t know if I have the courage to bring it up.

  14. Where do I begin when I was child I use to lie and it has continued all throughout my life with varying consequences. At this very moment I am about to tell the truth to my wife and it is going to hurt. She is going to probably kick me out of our home and with good reason. I will have to take my lumps and live with the consequences. I told the truth and now I will see what happens . I got my encouragement by reading other peoples comment. Hopefully “the shall set me free”.

  15. But, how do you stop? Everything has been a lie. Everything I’ve said for nearly forty years has been a lie. I’ve gotten caught, I swear I won’t do it anymore, and I can’t help myself. When I’m lying, it’s as if I’m another person, I’m “checked-out,” unaware of what I’m saying. Then, I awaken and I’m stuck with the lie. I lie about everything–big and small. I’m stuck with it. I’m stuck. That’s all anyone knows. And, everyone knows different sets of lies. It’s all closing in on me again. I’m trapped and I can’t control it. I can’t remember what I’ve said to whom. I’m not a bad guy. I just don’t want to let people down. I don’t want them to be angry with me. I want everyone to be happy, so, I tell them what they want to hear. It’s easier that way–at first. But, in the end, it’s destructive. Then, how do you tell them? Once you tell the truth about one thing, you’ve got to reveal everything. And, soon, when all the lies are gone…there’s nothing left. I’m so lost. No one would guess it to look at me. Everyone thinks I’m so “put together.” If they only knew how empty I am. I need help, yet, I don’t think anyone can really help me. It’s hard being the center of everyone’s expectations. It’s hard having everyone’s happiness hinge on what you’re doing. When you are and when you do, and, all you do is fail constantly, and all they do is react so broadly, and loudly, all you can do at a point is start to lie just to keep them happy and quiet. I started as a child, and I haven’t been able to stop. Now, I’m 40, and there’s nothing real about me except that I love my dog and my cat and they’re the only things keeping me alive right now. I have a responsibility to my pets which I take seriously, otherwise, I’d be a waste of a man, not worth saving. I don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I’m out of ideas.

    • Oh god I cannot believe you have written this – I am here crying cos you might have well just described my life for me. My wonderful partner of 6 years has left me cos he couldn’t deal with my lies and like you outwardly people think I am awesome yet I am a sham – a hollow shell. I was married twice and find it so hard keep friends – I move jobs regularly and it’s ridiculous as I have had senior exec jobs which pay fantastic wages.

      My lies are ridiculous – even today I talked about eating something – instead of beef I said chicken (I have no clue why). I lie about huge things which could easily get proven either way – but which have some basis in fact (I say I competed at international level in sports, but it was nationally, or my cousin is a famous celebrity, yet she is actually the partner of that celebrity’s nephew). I lied about having an MBA, and lost a job over it, but then went on to do a Masters in Management. I cannot stop and now at 48 I am alone and struggling. I don’t know what to do next

      • There’s no quick answer. I completely understand about lying about the strangest things like what you’ve eaten. I’ve done that, too. In my case, and, probably in a lot of our cases, this is a symptom of something bigger. As I said, I’ve been in therapy for many years. Therapists don’t know what to do with me or how to diagnose me. They spend a lot of time trying to come up with a diagnosis that the actual problem gets pushed aside. Today, I finally came clean a bit. I’ve had a guy who has been my “friend” for years. He’s truly just kept me around to give him financial support and, because he knows I’m a weak target, has tried passive aggressive bullying to keep me riled up and doing what he wants. Part of my problem lately, is I’ve been lying to keep him quiet. But, I have finally reached a point where the lies are not doing that, and, they can’t continue. I told my father (mind you, I”m a grown man) what has been going on, and my father was very kind and supportive. He’s been aware of my problem for many, many years. I’d feared he’d be angry at me for being weak. You see, everything I do and say is to keep people from getting angry with me. That’s my great fear, and, even though I know the lies will only make people angrier with me in the long run, I continue to do it. My father called up this guy and told him to leave me alone and that I had nothing left to give him. Though I’m frightened now of retribution, I’m feeling a little lighter and a little less bleak. I’m fortunate to have someone who, in a pinch, will help me. Not everyone is so fortunate, I know that. Most of us (myself included) are loners because of our lies and the circumstances which have made me lie.

        If any of you know someone you can trust, someone to whom you can say, “This is my problem. This is what I’ve been doing,” I would recommend doing it. It will be painful to do, but I’m learning that it’s better to reach out to someone, even if you’re disappointing them or hurting them, then to hurt them further by continuing as we are.

        In so many ways, we’re a lost group. Therapists and others don’t understand us. Our friends and family to whom we’ve lied will focus on the lies themselves and not what caused them. It’s lonely and frightening.

        We must realize that when all is said and done, we can’t continue to hurt and disappoint ourselves and live in this horrible state of constant fear and oppression. One way or another, it’s going to kill us. The fact is, we’re ill. Though no one may understand it, it is an illness, it is a compulsion. We’re not doing this for sport any more than an alcoholic or a drug addict.

        We are lying to escape something. I’m realizing that I’ll never escape it. I must find a way to have something of a reasonable life. Hurt feelings may be the consequence of this, but, we have to find ways to live with ourselves.

      • Hi Jane

        I wonder how you are now. I find myself in a similar position.. my husband of 16 years is about to leave after finding out about a lie I told him on our second date. Whilst I am relieved he knows… Im ashamed I didn’t have the guts to tell him at some point and also sad that I have tainted our marriage by carrying this around with me for all this time.
        Im trying to recognise when I lie, whilst practising telling the truth. I am finding that I often deny my true feelings as well – so not only am I trying to be honest about the little day to day things .. Im trying to be honest with myself about how I feel. Im devastated and ashamed that my husband thinks badly of me now – he is a lovely man, However our marriage was based on lies .. lies about what I did and how I felt .. no wonder its come to an end.
        Im beginning to accept the damage I have done to my own life – but I am struggling to acknowledge the damage I have done to him ( and will have done to my 9 year old daughter, when she is told of the inevitable separation).
        However I think the old saying is true and is my new mantra ” be true to yourself” … my Truth is .. I cant change what I have done … but I can stop doing it . I doubt it will be easy but by just foccussing on what I am feeling and what I say is making it a little easier.

        • I can totally relate to your situation. I’ve been married 26 years and 3 beautiful kids . I have lied to the point my kids don’t trust me my husband is wanting a divorce. All the lies I have told has totally not been worth losing my family.the man of my dreams .. I really want to stop lying and save what I can of my life with my kids and hopefully my marriage.

      • I’m so such a liar person, I have been lying almost whole my life. I stared lying since I was 7 or 8 years old and now 31 years old not only that I’m cheater too I have cheated on my husband so many times and still doing it, with this man I loved. I dont know how to stop it. This man Im cheating with i love him so much, but I know he doesn’t love me he just want to sleep with me and I know that but I still go with it. My husband is the most honesty man I ever met, he thinks I’m a good person and telling him the truth. But he doesn’t know anything, i cheat on him as soon he leaves, I cheat on him when Im outside,I just don’t know how to stop myself from it, it’s eating me inside, I do cry every time it happens and I make a promise I won’t do it again but I do it again n again and lie about it to myself and others..
        Please help

    • I can relate to all your comments. My life is a sham and I have only just started to realise it is mostly to deal with being alive. Because I have always felt dead inside, complete apathy. If I could afford it I’d be a recluse. I don’t think it’s ‘depression’ that medication could treat I think it is who I am.
      I’ve lied about everything for years and so now I am a ghost! Some of my memories are entrenched in lies, conversations, moments, situations, lies. I am a ghost! I try to look at it in an existential way as if it’s given me the chance to live many lives and see many angles. Maybe there’s an element to this. Maybe I lie because I don’t feel invested in this life, I feel totally detached as if I’m watching everything from behind a gauze so nothing I say really matters. Who I am doesn’t matter. I feel as if I could wear a thousand costumes and play a thousand roles and still feel no investment in being alive. I don’t understand personal dramas or why people get incredibly angry defending their point of view as it’s only their pint of view based on their angle they are seeing life from.
      I feel so deeply deeply sorry that I have involved other people and yet the people closest to me tell me I make them happy and they couldn’t live without me. They love a ghost! They love a pretend fragmented person. I think I morph into whatever I think they need.
      I have a problem with overwhelming apathy and not feeling engaged with this world and so inventing lies which allow me to manoeuvre without a hitch. As if the lies protect me. They create a barrier between me and the world. The authentic core snippet which is me is protected deep deep down wrapped up and swaddled in layers and layers of different names, birthdays, events, facts moved about like goal posts. Always moving.
      Please don’t be harsh on yourselves.
      I have a cat I rescued from a car park. It’s my best friend! Animals are so cool.

  16. After reading this, and being shown an example of how bad my lying is by my girlfriend. I’ve come toe realize I need help, do any of you have any ideas on what could be don to help me out, I was picked through out elementary and highschool, and I did what ever I could to seek approval by my family and friends. Is there any help out there for people like me that doesnt envolve therapy

    • I have a problem with lying too. . . . I’ve been lying my whole life, its so natural to me. . At first I was lying to impress friends, fit in, be cool, get people’s attention and now I just lie over anything, literally! . .nobody knows who I really am, not even my best friend. . I would love to have somebody to be honest with, especially a person with a lying problem like me. .

  17. None of you are alone. If you look at all the comments, you’ll notice that you’re not the only one who has this issue. Use that. Lean on each other and help each other with this problem that you want to get rid of. It can help you so much.

  18. i have problem with lying to it have become a habbit like a part of me it made my girlfriend hurt n leave me because of my lie it feel like i am another person when i am lying like i dont know who iam anymore

  19. Growing up was hard and I was abused a lot. I found that lying would sometimes get me out of situations. Now I’m about to be 30 and I have a wife and two kids. I lie constantly at work and most of the time it’s for no reason. I’ve ruined many relationships and I deal with a lot of addictive habits. I really and TRULY want to change this path and direction I’ve taken. I’m very depressed because I want to be honest with everyone. But for some reason it’s hard for me now.

    • I know what your going through, I’m 14 and my parents are so good. They’ve always been here for me and they always go out of their way for me. But I’ve had a problem of lying to them for no reason, and it’s gotten to the point where it’s affected our relationship in a big way. I’m going to use the advise and turn myself around. Just stay strong and I will keep all of you guys in my prayers.

  20. I am constantly hurting the love of my life by lying and I need to stop. Im not sure if its too late… I need help asap.

  21. I’m finally seeking help for my lying. Its hurting the love of my life. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t lie anymore. I don’t want to lose the life I have started with him. One small lie turns into the next as soon as you get away with it. And I’m tired of losing his trust and his faith and respect in me. I lied because I didn’t want to dissapoint him. I wanted him to be proud of me. His opinion is the only one that has ever mattered to me. But now, now I’m going to earn it the right way. The truthful way. No matter how scared I am. I have conquered so many fears for him, and I’m about to conquer another. Don’t be scared to tell the truth. No matter how you think they’ll react. No matter how scared you are. When you lie, you twist your whole world around and make it the opposite of what you want it to be, even though you fabricated yourself, the truth will come out.

  22. How could we develop an online support group? I don’t know how to develop something like that but i think it would be helpful for many of us to have a forum where we could be 100% honest. The anonymity of an online system may make easier for us – it certainly would be for me.

    I don’t know what to do to make this happen but i would be willing to help establish it with some direction.

  23. I would also really appreciate an online portal where we can all go and talk about what we are dealing with. I have only recently come to the realisation that my lying is a real problem! The man I have been falling in love with has totally lost all trust in me due to a stupid lie i told that escalated horribly. I had no clue I even had a problem with lying, I would lie about so many little things daily to everybody and anybody that I began to believe my own lies. It took this man of mine to be brutally honest with me and tell me I have a serious problem to make me realise what is really going on with me. I am currently trying to be truthful to him and slowly regain his trust. I am so glad and grateful there is this opportunity to talk about out problems and not to feel so alone and isolated anymore.

  24. I feel better having read the struggles of everyone else, it provided a comfort that im not alone and that i can find a way through this. So to everyone who has commented, thank you.

    Ive just graduated from university and i am a habitual liar. i recently lost someone very important to me because of all of this, she was my best friend and then my girlfriend. She got closer to me than any girl has before and with that she came to find out about my many lies. The most amazing thing about all of this is that even when she found out about it she overcame her anger and mistrust and tried to support me through it. She was more understanding than i think anyone could be. The problem however was that i had deeper lies, things i had fabricated about my life that i was terrified to admit to because i thought no one could ever forgive them. So i continued to protect those lies, but found myself eating away at my own problems. I would catch myself from lying, or if i did i would scold myself mentally. I even found that the lies i had spoke (although still as important as large lies) were trivial, and i felt myself progressing.

    Unfortunately those lies in my past came back to haunt me, becoming far too much to be ignored they were ingrained in my life. And with that i lost the girl i love and with that i’ve done terrible emotional damage to the kindest soul i have ever met. As i was writing this last night, she amazed me again by coming to my house and forgiving me. She wrote the most heart warming and inspirational note in my journal and although we know we need to go our separate ways she said she hoped months down the line that we could find a way to be in each others lives. i’m so overwhelmed by her that she has been my inspiration to overcome this and all my other issues, I have been truly blessed that someone i love could react this way

    i have decided from here on out that small steps are not good enough, so i am going to speak to my doctor (in the process of changing gp) and get the therapy or help i need. I’ve been reading lots about ways to help myself and feel that i might have an idea for a positive regime to get myself dealing with my issues. Having said all that i still fear the steps ahead, and as a matter of confession here are some of the things i did that i am not proud of, and these lies go back long before i met her.

    – Lied about having more friends
    – lied about things i had done
    – lied about girls i had been with
    – created fake social media profiles to make people think i had a more interesting life than i had.

    I am a person who hides behind a confident mask and deep down since my teenage years i have struggled with feelings of not being good enough, or achieved enough. but after i was cheated on and treated badly in a past relationship i began to lie to hide parts of myself i thought weren’t interesting. Although that is no excuse, i had suspected she had been cheating on me and cowardly i didn’t confront the issue and let it weigh on me and my mentality . So i began creating those profiles to have wall posts and interactions that would make her jealous, but i came to find peace without this girl and had long moved on from her mind games. unfortunately the lying and the fear of myself didn’t go with that and this whirlwind of lies dragged into meeting this current girl.

    I was a terrible person, using my own insecurities in myself to make her feel jealous and when confronted on one issue i couldn’t tell her the rest because i was so ashamed. I had begun to make steps into my lying and was catching myself, telling her even the smallest details of my day with no embelishments. But i couldn’t be honest about all of the lies i had created about my life because i felt everything would crumble around me and it has. I deserve to lose her for lying and hurting her so much, but i have been fortunate enough to have someone support me by kind words and giving confidence, and that has stopped me from rash decisions these last few days.

    so i go forward with the words she wrote in my journal ” i loved you for you, not who you had been before”. I think this is something we should all remember, because i’ve learned to see no one cares about petty details, it is all about how you make them laugh, how you are there for them, your quirks and silly moments. Not money, not possessions, not being popular. I hope in some way my words will help anyone who reads this. ( and im sorry i’ve written so much and i could have said so much more but i needed it off my chest). I read all of your words in a flood of tears because it helped me that i wasn’t alone. I’ll keep checking back here for inspiration, and should anyone really need help then say so

  25. Thank you for the advise. I’ve been in a bad habit of lying to my mom and dad. I’ve tried to just say” I’ll never lie again”. But it never seems to work. I want to to have a good relationship with my parents but my lying has affected it. I intend to use this advise and change my life.

  26. I am a compulsive lair and never realized how bad it can be until recently well about four years ago i am in a relationship now and am on the verge of losing it we have been together for four years and i dont know what to do or where to start i need help with this because now it is effecting my family. Can someone please help me with this problem i just want completly removed from my mind and body and soul Thank You.

  27. I’ve been a liar since I was a kid. I have lost all of my family and friends. I can’t work because of it.
    At times I feel like I’m a crazy person because lying is so easy for me. I will lie about anything and everything. I mostly lie to make others love me, or so they won’t dislike me. I’m very much a people pleaser. I’m just so sad because the people you hurt don’t realize that its a battle you fight with in yourself everyday. Like I literally hate myself for doing it but yet I can’t stop. I’m miserable being like this.

  28. My husband has consistently lied to me for our entire relationship (12 years). I have finally hit the end of my tolerance for him and his lying. I have zero respect for him. He has stolen all these years of my life by his self-centered and deceitful ways. He constantly justifies and rationalizes his lies to minimize his responsibility and make excuses for himself. He has caused me more pain and suffering than any person I’ve ever known and the most hurtful thing is . . . he doesn’t seem to care. I believe he has a cold and hardened heart. I really feel there is no hope for change in this man, because he has not really reached the point of accepting the reality of his problem. He still wants to put the blame elsewhere. Good luck to all of you. I just thought you would like to see a different perspective that your lying has on others. It’s a horrible life living with a husband who you can never believe a word that ever comes out of his mouth. It’s a very lonely marriage.

  29. I’m a liar.
    I have lied to my parents, my best friend, my boss, and countless others.
    I have many fears of being alone in this life.
    I do it because I want people to love me and I’m afraid that my baggage will completely keep people away from me.
    I get hysterical when people ask me to leave their lives.
    I want to be a stronger person and leave this terrible habit behind.
    From this point on, I will not force anyone to keep me in their lives.
    This is my consequence for lying and I had to hit this low it order to stop.
    There is no excuse for lying to anyone.
    I feel as if I have only been letting myself down.

  30. I have problem with compulsive lying it makes me feel sick and is hurting my loved ones need help. It occurs normaly when feeling low and when I feel the truth would upset people. but I do it and the worst thing is I defend the lie when offered to tell the truth. I have a wonderful beautiful partner who I am crippling because it hurts to much. I want it to stop and I want it to stop impacting my life!!!

    I am an impulsive chatacter with issues but i think it all stems from lying.

    It feels so good to realise I’m not alone as I have read all your comments on here. Maybe some advice on counseling would be good.

    Thanks for the first part feels good to admit it but i feel its hard to kick it.

  31. I have a real problem with lying. I’ve got my friends and relatives mad at me I lost a good friend and I just can’t stop! I need real help.

  32. For a long time I didn’t know why I lied then one day I realized I lied to make things better. A way to hide the truth from myself. A way to have something to say. A way for just a moment to have the spotlight. Now it’s a habit I don’t know how to stop. I want to do better I want to be honest but I think before I can I need to learn to forgive and let my past go. Its easier to lie then face the truth of what happened in your life when I learned to lie to hide the pain of a family, that just didn’t want me I wish I had one person I could be honest with

  33. I have just admitted to my parents and girlfriend that I am a compulsive liar. I’m devastated at the moment and am struggling to find a way through this.

    I broke my back 6 years ago and have lied and lied and lied progressively worse and worse since this point. I lost a lot when I had my injury and felt like a shell of a man so I lied mainly about money so people wouldn’t see me as the joke I thought I was myself. Not that I’m justifying what I’ve done, but this trauma seems to have been a big trigger.

    I’m unemployed about to declare myself bankrupt and have huge debt with my family too. I’m really trying to focus on what I can achieve in any given day, but find the shame and guilt of what I’ve done is so so overwhelming at points.

    My driving force is my girlfriend who is for now at least staying by my side. I know I’m the only person who can change this and am determined not to give in, and I’m well aware that I could lose everything with one more wrong decision, one more lie.

    Please, to all on here, stay strong on a day to day basis and tackle the problems that you can fix, not the ones that become ginormous undefeatable monsters in your mind – these WILL be brought down and tackled, if you take small steps and make amends through current and future decisions.

  34. Why do I lie? Well, I lie because I want to be that person that makes everything better in the world, I want to be that person that “appears” to be strong for their family, I lie because I don’t want to upset anyone around me, I lie because I am scared, just to name a few. I am on the verge of losing the best thing I have, my family. I always find that it’s the dumbest things that I lie about, if only I had told the truth, the consequences of my lies would pale in comparison to the consequences of the truth.

    • All your family wants you to do is tell them the truth. My daughter lies all the time. We love her, but it hurts deeply when she lies. Her sister won’t speak to her because of her lies. It embarrasses her sister when people approach her and tell her the lies that her sister told them. My daughter will go as far as to tell people she is some professional when everyone knows she has no job. If she tells her sister the truth and stops lying she will have her sister’s friendship and to back her in whatever she does.

  35. i really need help, because of my lying my mother has told me herself to not talk to her unless i really need to. and i like lying alone because i don’t want anyone to see me as this monster who cant tell the truth for anything. i want to start this whole thing over .. i want to fix what i messed up in the begging so my present wouldn’t be as miserable and unbarring as it is right now…i try my best i really d.. but i really don’t know if my parents will keep from telling my family or my friends or even the neighbors! i want to change i really do. no one really deserves to be treated or to have gone through something like this in their lives. not being able to trust someone is really hard. i would know, now my own parents ad my siblings are paying the price for something i should be paying the price of.

  36. I’m 17 and I’m a compulsive liar. I’ve known for the last 2 years that I’m a liar from my recent relationship, but didn’t know what to call it until today. (Now, don’t belittle my problems because of age, problems aren’t as severe as yours, or the stupidity of them.) I’m in my senior year and I’ve been on and off with this guy since freshman year. Throughout the relationship I noticed I lie about the littlest things, to life changing events, to parts of my personality. The reasons I lied to him were from my insecurities, to get what I want, to appeal to him, to get attention, to ensure he depends on me, or just because it flew out my mouth. He was only the helpful indicator that made me realize I even lie! After I realized I lie a lot like word vomit or as it was second nature, I began noticing it a lot more BUT always after I tell the lie. The 2 worst things I can recall lying about is going to 3 family funerals in one month to lie about my depression and I lied about cutting myself (i actually can’t tell if these are lies or truths now). In order to turn that lie into to the truth, I actually started cutting myself. Lately, I’ve gotten so sick of it! I am trying to stop. I don’t speak or write anything until it’s the truth. That hasn’t helped me. I end up not writing anything for school and not talking to many people until it’s absolutely necessary. The thing is people trust me so much and I want them to trust me but I don’t trust people nor myself… No one has caught me in a lie yet. 🙁

  37. I am a liar. I have ruined a relationship that was a blessing to me. It all blew up in my face and there is NOTHING I can do to stop the fallout. I’ve lied all my life. I lie and don’t know why
    sometimes. I want to have a clean life. I want to be free. I want to walk with my head held high and my story the same, no matter how many times I’m asked.
    I feel hopeless. It is a literal wall of lies in my mind. I am mentally exhausted. I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore. I want to shut down my life and start over, just like rebooting your computer. It’s so difficult to stop.

    So. Damn. Difficult.

    It’s a curse on my life…… No. I curse my own life. Now, that’s the truth.

    Someone on here said that little things that you can be truthful about add up. You feel good. I’m doing that and I continue to do that. It does feel good.

  38. I am a pathological lair and it hits you like a ton of bricks when it is pointed out to you. I have been doing it for so long I don’t even realize when I am lying. I hate myself so much I have hurt so many people and wish I could go back in time and just not do it. I do not even understand why I do it. I even believe my own lies, my husband will catch me in a lie and call me on it. Than I will fight with him because I think that the lie was the truth. I have let so many people down and want to change my life. I do not want to be this person anymore, but I have done it for so long I don’t know how to change it. I guess one day at a time is a good start. Most of the time I am lying about small stuff, but lately it is getting bad I am lying about big stuff now and ruing my marriage. I guess when you hit rock bottom is when you figure out it is time to change. That is where I am at, know one believes me anymore, I am stressed out all the time, and do nothing but cry. I need help.

  39. I think I’m a habitual compulsive liar. I seem to lie about the smallest things that I shouldn’t lie over but I just can’t stop myself. Even when my boyfriend asks me I’d read something and I flat out said no until he asked me to look into his eyes and say it then the truth came out. I’ve lied about my sexual past to him to but he finds out that I’m lying to him as well. I don’t know how to stop but I’m trying so hard. Please help me!!!

  40. I have lied my whole life too. I lie about having cancer, not for money or sympathy, just to use to my advantage in careers, friendships etc. I lie about how much money I have. I lie about the places I visited in this world. I lie about the careers I have had. I do not go one day without lying. I feel guilty and think God must hate me, but I keep doing it. I don’t think I will ever change. I try to start over and over but it never sticks.

  41. All of your comments resonate with me. It’s difficult not even knowing who you really are and when you start to believe your own lies. The worst part is that you feel empty and fake. You know deep down inside that your not real. It feels as if your litterally dead almost. You look back and look at all the damage you caused and it makes you wonder if you’ll ever get better. The worst part is when you finally are really alone, your mind goes through a never ending cycle of guilt, regret, anger then sadness, but the only person you have to blame is your self. Don’t give up though, your past is an illusion it’s the present and future that dictates you. Make a commitment to change. Become independent and learn to love yourself and you’ll realize how beautiful the AUTHENTIC you is.-
    Letter from a compulsive liar to another.

  42. My wife has finally had enough of my lies and has now kicked me out to the garage to live. After a 40 year relationship she has had it. This is tough to face and even tougher to rebuild . I love her so much, I now have hit a rock bottom. I will never lie to her again no matter what. Very sincere stories here.

  43. I’m in tears reading all these posts. I’ve got nowhere to turn too. I’m ruining the best relationship I’ve ever had due to lies. The one thing my boyfriend asked me not to do to him at the start was lie to him. And I have. Constantly. I don’t know why I do it. To avoid being faced with an awkward situation or confrontation. We work in the same organisation and I’ve had sexual flings with other people at work whom he knows. All these men have been married or attached and my boyfriend was aware of this before we started a relationship. I’ve lied over the time we’ve been together about these men which has caused massive distrust in me.
    I don’t know how to fix this. I swore on my partners 3yr old’s life about a lie which came out. I have done this twice and feel completely evil inside to do that. I feel horrible, alone, incredibly sad for hurting my boyfriend. I don’t think he will ever forgive me.
    Please help.

    • I also feel alone. I have hurt my husband with lies and he is the best thing that has happen to me. I don’t know why either and now he as NOT trust in me at all. I’m scared.

  44. Reading these comments breaks my heart. I do not think I am a compulsive liar but today I told a measly little lie about something stupid because I was embarrassed. After writing the first part of this comment, I went to that person and told them the truth. It was hard but she was sweet about it and my conscience is appeased. I think this is the only way to beat lying: to go to the person and replace the lie with the truth. And to make that a habit by doing it every single time. The trust and respect of our friends is worth that, surely,

  45. I can completely relate. I am a liar, but a good one, so none of my friends know that all or most of the stuff that I feed them are lies. I feel horrible that I lie about the dumbest stuff. I mean, why would anyone in their right mind lie about something as insignificant as freaking Pokémon cards? I know that my lying has made me a worse person. my parents find out my lies, one by one, and that is bad for me. I slowly feel worse with every lie that I make, and I can’t exactly come clean with everyone, or anyone, because of the sheer amount of lies that I have told.

    • I’m the same way except I don’t think any of my lies have been found out in the past 5 years. But this might be because I’m paranoid as all hell, I can’t even use my real first name here, or any of the major lies I’ve told because of this.

      I really don’t know what to do, I’ve considered undoing the lies I’ve told with more lies, which is better than keeping the lie there but I can’t bring myself to tell them that I’ve lied.

  46. I too am a habitual liar, I am ruining my relationship with a wonderful man. I don’t know how to stop. I feel like I’m the only person that has this problem, now I know that there are others out there who are struggling with the same thing. I am going to try telling the truth one step at a time and pray for forgiveness. Hopefully, I will become a better person and earn the trust of my boyfriend back. I’m going to put myself in God’s hands and work on being a better person. The lies are eating me away emotionally, physically and mentally. I need to make a major change in my life, to keep him in my life.

  47. My girlfriend is a pathological liar. I knew pretty soon into the relationship, but didn’t say much because I thought I could handle it. After a few more months of listening to her crazy stories, lies, and being embarrassed while standing with her while she was lying in someone else’s face.. I realized I couldn’t handle it. I told her she needed to get help. She is starting mental health counseling this week. It may be wrong of me, but I told her she had to or I’d leave her. The lies were always stupid, had nothing to do with me, and did not impress me like she thought they would. One night, (before I told her she had to get help), I called her out on a huge list of lies she had told, and told her that was her chance to tell the truth. She still lied, and said all of it was the truth. I was very unhappy with her for the next week and considering leaving until I found EVEN MORE lies she had told, which is when I told her she was getting help or I would leave. I don’t deserve this. Lies about accidents, surgeries, what she did for a living, situations with her family life, money, inheritances, her house being broken into, her pets, owning more vehicles than she did, having life insurance.. What does any of this have to do with me and why lie about it? I guess I’ll never know. Glad that she is getting help, just not sure if it will actually help her as of yet. She seems to make it up as she goes sometimes, and sometimes the stories are completely unbelievable. I trusted and believed her so little, that the day her mother died and she told me, I didn’t even believe that until I saw it with my own eyes. Please people, don’t do this to people you care about. Get help.

  48. I am so very happy to have found this and see these comments. No need to share my story as you have all told it. I am going to start today, one day at a time and the next thing out of my mouth will be truth. I will not try to answer to quickly and think before I speak. I also am going to S.T.O.P. count slowly in my head when I feel it coming on. I know where and why it started but did not know it would ever get this out of control. Thank you all for sharing.

  49. I’ve had trouble with telling the truth from 5 to now 52 years of age . I’m unable to stop. But from here on out I’m making a commitment to say the truth each day. I know I need help because I’ve always done this and its habiututual. It’s like a sickness. But I’ve excepted the Lord as my savior and I know n him is no sin. He has forgiven me. But I still will pray each day because I keep sinning each day. Everyone has a sin that they have trouble with. But with the Lord’s help I know I can over come this sin. May I start telling the truth and nothing but the truth. I will always pray about this. And I will say a prayer that this stops. Thank you Lord for saving me.

  50. I am a compulsive liar. I can’t help it. I’m 17 years old and neither of my parents trust me. The lies come out as though it is a second language. I don’t want to be the girl that no one can trust. I don’t know what to do. I’ve prayed and prayed for wisdom on how to stop this because lately it has just gotten so out of hand. I just keep sobbing because my parents don’t trust. They keep telling me how disappointed they are. But I can’t help it. Please, I need help.

  51. Today, I realized I am a habitual liar. My boyfriend and I have suffered from my lies before. Today, I lied to my professor because I thought that by lying I would get help. My boyfriend knew I was lying. I knew I was lying, but to prevent this from becoming a fight I continued to lie. That is not the solution! Later, I came clean I told him the truth. He isn’t happy. I may have ruined our relationship, he doesn’t trust me. I don’t know what to do. He is such a good man and I completely screw everything up by lying. I lie because I think it makes myself look better but that isn’t the case at all in the end it makes the situation so much worse.

  52. I have a problem. I have lied to my family and friends. I have lived a double life I have cheated on the one person who is there for me thru everything. I need help with this. I know I can’t do it alone . I have just about ruined my life I am at the bottom of the barrel and can’t go no lower . I can’t believe the people who I have hurt expecially the kids and my fiancee. I need help please

    • Joe, you have taken the first step in admitting that you have a problem. This is the hardest step. You need to get yourself into a good therapist and work through the issues that are causing you to lie. I was with a man for 5 years who lied compulsively. He lied directly to my face, withheld information, omit the truth and at times would only give me pieces of the truth at most. It did far more damage to me than if he had physically abused me. Are You & Your fiancee together? If so, you will need to do everything possible to be transparent with her to rebuild trust. Because by lying, you are destroying trust one lie at a time. It is not something that can happen overnight, it will take a very long time to rebuild the trust and so much patience. Especially from your part. Have you asked yourself honestly why you cheated on her? The other really important thing is that you really need to honestly understand exactly how much hurt the lying and cheating has caused her. Betrayal with lying and cheating is one of the most damaging and hardest things to get over. It can sometimes take years to heal. Because once you understand this and if you truly love her, then you will find it will help you not want to lie to her and cheat on her. If she was there for you through everything, then she must have really loved you. Ladies like this don’t come along every day. With your kids, please don’t lie to them. Kids need to know they can fully trust their parents. It creates such insecurity and major issues in kids when parents are dishonest. Again, you have taken a really major step in admitting you have a problem. Next step is getting help from a professional. The step after that is trying to repair the hurt that you have caused. It won’t happen right away, because you have to realise that the trust has been destroyed. So you will need to work really hard to prove to your Fiancee and kids that you are genuinely trying to make things right. I hope everything works out with your fiancee and kids. Best of Luck

  53. I lie, that’s the truth. Whenever I’m wrong lying would be my solution, everytime that I would be given a chance to redeem myself, I lie too. Before I write this comment, I was talking to my girlfriend that I need serious help, I told her that I LIE to have pleasure, to not let down my family, to be in with my friends and to have the spotlight. She told me that it’s better to tell the truth than to know that the excuses I make are lies. It made me cry becaause it took me an hour to say those to her yet it only took her a second to say those words. All of us are trying to change. I recommend that we start telling our weaknesses to the people who are close to us and to the people who we don’t want to lose. Let’s not wait for them to knnow the truth but iinstead the truth must come from us, from the bottom of our hearts. Writing this makes me lose a baggage, I too wanted some help but reading other’s stories gave me an inspiration to start now not later. Redeem yourself by starting with your own. Hope this helps. Trust me. Only you can help yourself.

  54. I am a pathological liar. Today may be the last straw for my marriage. I have told lies because I am afraid of being a disappointment to my husband and feeling like a failure. The lies are always about finances and how something was paid. I feel like I struggle with lying to avoid a confrontation with him because it is the only way I know how to fix whatever is wrong with our finances. We have been bankrupt and broke and we were on a road to having a great year and I did not tell the truth about how much money we had and now I am at the bottom of the barrel. I feel like every mistake I have ever made is constantly thrown in my face and I can’t do anything right anymore. He cheated on me last winter and I have tried to put it out of my mind but I can’t. I think that may have been the trigger that started this cycle all over again. It’s like being on a roller coaster. I was seeing a therapist until a couple of months ago and then everything started downhill again. I want to be a different person, but fear it is too late for this relationship.

  55. I am a compulsive liar. I’m not sure why I choose to lie in most situations. The primary relationship my constant lying has hurt is between myself and my mother as she now assumes that I am always lying to her.
    I feel like it’s from a mixture of 1) wanting popularity, admiration and acceptance and 2) Because of my low self-esteem I want to create the person that I wish I was.
    I, however, am now consciously making an effort to stop by reading up on Compulsive Lying Disorder and reading everyone here’s stories. I’m glad that I’m not alone 🙂 And I wish you all luck!

  56. My lying started when I was young. It has continued to this day. Small things, Big things…anything. I’m an only child. Both parents worked, I got teased constantly in school…I have a huge fear of letting people down, fear of rejection fear of failure. My lying has caused the death of my marriage. I love my wife SO much. I want her more than anything…I will now be away from my daughter. Today starts a change for me. It may come full circle it may not…but from today…life changes.

  57. I just wanted to touch base as like everyone else here – I am a liar.
    I think I started when i was younger to compensate like so many here. I lied about my family’s money to make me seem cooler. I lied about having a twin sister that die and that I was jewish to seem more exciting/ cool.

    Now when I was younger I was ratted out by my sister when I wore her shirt that I said I got for a Hanukkah present. You think that as a teenager that would change you – but NO it just made me research my lies more and plan them out( which is so sad). I had such poor self esteem and used to let people use me ( money, etc,.) until I tried to start over and moved out west. I was doing good but I still wanted approval and then the lies started again.

    I try so hard not to lie about big thing – but stupid lies just come out of my mouth without thinking!

    I did go to therapy – which I did not like mostly because I was so ashamed to be honest…. how can you feel comfortable telling someone you lied about having cancer?

    I tried being honest about most – my childhood, and other pressing issues but I started to feel so uncomfortable as I could not admit to the lies.

    I thought I would write this post as I know with mine I think its the guilt and shame of how I was and I wont let myself be happy until I am honest- but I am too weak/ ashamed to admit of some of the things I lied about to my family, partner, etc,. I do feel that some of the post traumatic help I received did do some changes but I just could not accept it.

    My post Traumatic – basically was my embarrassment of my poor family, my alcoholic father and the things I just allowed myself to do.

    So although I am not a professional I thought I would put this advise out there as it may help someone else – I lie as I am ashamed from the past and I am too weak to overcome them… lying is easy! i would suggest to look back at your lies and try to work them out. In my sessions my therapist would have me go visit my younger self and ask me – what do I see, feel, hear, think and really make me analysis the younger me in the situation that I was in. One of them was my first lie of when I said I had a twin sister that died. Well why did you say it? what was I thinking, what was the response and thinking back I was able to work it though and it actually didn’t bother me as much.

    Now this maybe might not work – as I stopped my treatment and I still lie (mostly to support past lies and the random ones about nothing that come out) but I thought I would offer some advise/ suggestions hoping that maybe someone might get some use from this? Also it feel good to actually admit some of this.

    * Moderated

  58. i need help 16 and my parents dont trust me.tbh i was always i kid my mom and dad trusted till now. my parents are looking at me differnet now. i always do the opposite of what they say. my dad checks my phone too cause they dont trust me and tbh it sucks. i wanna know how to stop this i hate lying and i never thought i would lie this bad. i also lost trust i think from them how can i gain that back? and my mom takes my phone but i get for school and lacrosse but i never listen to her she says dont touch your phone leave it on counter and i touch it. PLEASE HELP

  59. I’ve found some comfort in many of these comments because I’m struggling (suffering) with lying compulsively. If I think back, I’ve always done it. My alcoholic father left when I was 7 (I’m almost 44 now), and I think I just wanted the attention of people I liked and admired, so I would lie to “keep them around” assured that they would never leave because my stories made me so great and lovable. I would lie that was coming a to pick me up and take me to Disney World, when in fact no one knew where he was. And it’s continued throughout my life, and as life became more complex, so did the lies. I’ve been lying to the woman I truly love about work, about money, and have even lied about lying, just to get though an uncomfortable situation. I had myself convinced that if I could get through today, I’ll be OK, tomorrow is another day. I often pray that tomorrow never comes. In fact, tomorrow ALWAYS comes and my lie from yesterday has now become my lie of today … and so on, and so on.

    I finally came clean about almost everything yesterday (I’m broke, unemployed and severely depressed). I couldn’t live with it any more. Naturally, her response was one of anger, confusion, sickness and disgust. It has continued today. I have no defense, as everything I have done (or haven’t done) is indefensible. Self-awareness seems to come with my particular brand of compulsion. I am aware of the problem, but because my holes are dug so deeply, I do nothing to change it for fear of the consequences.

    I finally called mental health services and admitted to the kid taking the messages what was wrong. He referred me to someone, and someone will be calling me back.

    As of right now, the status of my relationship is in the air. We share an apartment (actually I moved in to HER place), and while she has said she loves me, if there is another lie told I will be out … deservedly so.

    I am reaching out to anyone. This seems to be a forum for people to vent and share, but I am desperate to talk to anyone who is actually dealing with this. I’m sure it’s a disease … an addiction … but unlike alcohol or drugs we have nothing to numb the pain, we just hide behind our lies and hope, if tomorrow comes, it will be just a little bit easier. I never is.

    Thanks.

  60. I’m a big lair, I literally lie about everything and half the time I don’t even catch it and when I do it gets justified in my head. My husband wants to leave me because of this and I need help like asap.

  61. I feel like Im in an even worse situation than when it comes to just lying but that my lies always have a degree of actual truth to them. Whether it be an exaggerated story or even worse; recounting a story I read or heard as though it was my own.

    Growing up I was teased and bullied. I grew up in a hoarder household with junk and garbage piling up around me. I was the only male growing up with 2 sisters and my mother as my dad left when I was young. So I was always ashamed of where I lived and who I was. To top it off I have an above average intelligence. On the IQ scale I was always tested on the border of gifted/genius. So Ive always been able to learn and adapt quickly. I was always well suited to the sciences, logic and numbers half of my brain. But I was attracted to the arts and creative side. I loved reading stories and escaping my life in fantasy and dreams. This created a very dangerous combination. At first I would create lies out of nothing. They were completely made up. And of course they were quick to unravel. And as with an unravelling lie the results are horrible.

    But not all of them unravelled. That I think is the worst part of any compulsive liar. When the lie you tell is believed and the lie is never discovered. Even if you did not benefit from telling the lie. As long as it is believed and never discovered or refuted then you’ll always think that “As long as your not caught then its okay.” And this only fuels more lies in the future.

    So of course I got it in my head that as long as I told the right lie then I couldnt or wouldnt be caught. So what is the easiest way to lie. Tell the truth. Or at least some form of it. Maybe it was something I read in a book, watched in a movie, something someone else told me, or even something I actually did. But I began mixing lies with the truth. Its hurt relationships and left me isolated a lot. And it only gets worse. Being isolated with my own thoughts only works to perpetuate lies even further. With the ability to find virtually anything on the internet and it being so readily accessible, a little time spent thinking and researching and voila you can back your lie up with a little truth sprinkled in and it becomes more difficult to unravel. Cause even when discovered there was always elements of truth being said. It always made it confusing even to the people that were lied to cause the truth was there. This often led to me either getting away with the lie or I was able to add a new lie that explained the inconsistencies of the old lie.

    And where does it stop? I always justified the lies because there was always some elements of truth to them. But I know I need to stop. Its coming close to killing the one good thing I have going on in my life. And I dont wish to lose that. But just as bad as it is to lie to others I also lie to myself. A big what if you do get help and you lose what you didnt want to or more. How do you overcome the lies you even tell yourself.

  62. Today my best friend in the whole world told me that we can no longer be friends. I loved her with all of my heart, but the person she was friends with was not me. I am a compulsive liar and I have hurt her beyond words.
    I am beside myself at the damage I have caused.
    I only seem to start the lies if I really like the person. How sick is that!!!
    I so desperately need help

  63. I too can relate. I too have a problem with lying. I have prayed and fasted and asked God to help me, but I still find myself doing it. Mostly to be accepted. From reading this I realize that there may have been some things in my past that led to this, but ultimately, I NEED to stop lying. My mother always told lies. Now, I see my children are telling lies. One to make themselves be accepted. It’s hearbreaking to see it in my children and to finally admit that I started this for them. Someone said they would hear their mother on the phone. Now I realize that my children probably heard me on the phone. I will try and take the advice of the person who said, to start today, I will try to tell the truth when I am tempted to lie. I also just said a prayer for myself and for all of you that God will help us to stop lying and to release this stronghold from our lives.

  64. I was a habitual liar. I’ve stopped (mostly) now telling new lies – I still relapse sometimes and it’s really annoying when I do and I feel utterly ashamed. I lie because when I was younger as only child I felt that I had to for social acceptance and attention. Then I lived a life of lies for a long time. Now I have started to make some of the lies come true – like getting a degree for example. However I still have to live with the lies I have told in the past. My husband thinks that this is my second degree. He thinks I was ill when I was younger. He thinks that I was good at school. None of this true. So although I don’t tell him any new lies, I still have to lie about the old ones. I will never come clean, it would do more harm than good, he’d loose all trust in me. I made a promise to myself they day we god married there would be no new lies and I have never been more happy. I just have to live in the shame of the old ones that I deeply regret.

  65. Please help me. I tell stupid lies that hurt my wife and I know that I am driving her away. The lies I tell are, in my head, to stop her getting hurt, but I am doing anything but that. We had a falling out with my family and now when I talk to them I lie about it, please help me.

  66. I hurt everyone I love ( I tell myself I can fix myself but I try for a little bit but it never works out so well. I want to change but I don’t how to. I want to be honest. I’ve been a liar since I was 5 years old now I’m 16 please can someone help I lie about simple things. I want to stop but I don’t know how too. Can someone please help me I’m desperate.

  67. I’m a compulsive as well. I’ve been lying my whole life and I don’t know how to stop. I always tell myself that I’ll stop, that this will be the last lie I will tell, only to break that promise the next time I’m confronted with a situation where I’m not comfortable telling the truth.

    I lie and have lied about the silliest things, simply because I have ZERO self-esteem and I’m uncomfortable in my own skin. For example: I’m not gay, but I’m so afraid that people will think I am I’ve lied to co-workers iver the years about all women I’ve slept with, and even about having once been married and divorced and having a kid, just so i won’t look like the lonely, unwanted freak I actually am in reality and have been my whole life.

  68. This problem ruined my life today. I start transplant in a matter of days and I lied to the man I love (for no reason, I can’t even explain why… Other than fear… I am not hiding ungodly or unpure behaviour) i lied about talking to my exhusband multiple times trying to gets lose ends tied up before transplant begins. Now not only am I losing the best thing that has ever happened to me but I am going to go through transplant alone. Because I am stupid and lied.

  69. I have been lying my whole life about small things big things really anything and i feel my life is based on lies I lie to keep myself out of trouble I lie v cause I don’t want to hurt someone sometimes I lie when i don’t even have to lie and I’m honestly tired of being looked at and even mentioned as the very thing that I am a liar it’s a hurtful feeling to be known as or looked upon as a liar and I’ve hurt so many people with the lies I’ve told I have tried to change everything in my life but I just feel like being a honest person instead of a liar is the first thing I need to change its hard but I know it has to be done if I want to live a stress free life.

  70. I did not realize lying was this common. I’m glad I read several of the posts. I live with my boyfriend of 4 years now and he is a compulsive liar. I broke our engagement off because of this. He also lies about little and big things. Basically anything. He lies about things that make no sense at all. He lies daily. I feel hurt and betrayed constantly. I want things to work out for us because he is a great guy in almost every other way.
    Can anyone who has the same issue help me? I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to help him, but I just don’t know how. Please, if there is anything you think I could do that would allow him to feel he doesn’t have to lie to me please tell me. He knows he does it. I’ve confronted and caught him so many times. I asked him to try therapy, but within 3 weeks the psych said he was cured.
    Signed: Desperate and not wanting to end my relationship

    • Jody, I don’t have an answer for you. Unfortunately. I am going through the same issue with my boyfriend so I’m here to let you know that you are not alone.
      I totally understand how you feel about wanting your relationship to work. I work very hard in my relationship, for my relationship and I’ve given him so many chances and he continually disappointments me.
      While he’s such a good guy – I mean, if he’d just stop lying, we could really have something! He’s got to believe he’s worth it. And I guess that’s it – you can’t do a thing to help him if he doesn’t want to help himself.
      One thing that I try to do is reinforce the good things. I find that when I remind him of his lies, he gets aggressive and he feels bad about himself and then a new set of lies always appears.
      I know that he doesn’t see his own worth. He’s a good looking guy. He’s smart. He’s capable of so many things but somehow, somewhere there’s a disconnection and he feels that lying is his only option.
      I find that when I get angry (and I get vicious – just downright nasty), that makes him lie worse! I find that’s when his DUMBEST lies (the ones that are totally unbelievable) come out. So reinforcing the good is best.
      When he does lie and I confront him, I am working on being nice about that too. I want him to know that I love him. I am for him. I support him, even when he doesn’t value himself.
      And I don’t hesitate to tell him that he disappoints me. He tires me. He wears me out. Recently I was so tired with him that I had no time for myself. That is never good. If my relationship is tiring me instead of energizing, there’s a hourglass somewhere with sand draining…
      I don’t want to end my relationship but this cannot continue. This is not how I want to live my life.
      So I hope that your guy can realize how badly he’s hurting you. I feel that you’re a good woman and you want to help him. He’s got to want to help himself MORE THAN you want to help him.
      I hope that you don’t lose yourself or neglect yourself in this process. Continue to be strong and remember to be wise.

    • I hope I’m not too late since your post was months ago. I’ve been married to a compulsive liar for 16 years. My only suggestion : DO *NOT* MARRY HIM. He won’t stop. My husband has seen numerous therapists and is no better for all of the time and money spent. He lied to some of them. Others just didn’t know how to help someone with this problem. Save yourself the heartache. Walk away. Don’t subject yourself to the misery that is the life of a compulsive liar’s spouse. I’m sorry if that seems harsh but I have the clarity of hindsight. Best of luck to you.

  71. I lie about my place of residence, my family background, shooting, my marks in high school ,whenevr i meet strangers. as far as I could remember I have been saying lies and lies. Every day I lie about from smallest thing to biggest one . last day a friend of mine tell on face that i lie , and I respect him for that. Cause now I know I have this problem . ibeven tell lies when I should not. When I want to be respectable member of society I m doing this. And when I should not reveal any information I say it loud. Iying has put me into a lot of trouble and embarrassing situation s but I never learn. But this time ,I will be honest.

  72. I feel that I’ve lied my whole life about this and that. Recently I have had an emotional affair with another woman at work. It developed as a friendship, and became deeper emotionally. When confronted with this by FACTS from my wife, I still lied about it to her. I did this as a coping mechanism as a fear of the reaction that would be had. Now the wife and I are going to a therapist seeking help and 4 months later just recently I lied about facetiming this girl I work with, and lied to my wife about talking to her. It’s like I instinctively lie to save myself from the reaction. My wife and I with the therapist discussed my childhood. I was beaten by my mother, or yelled at for not doing some of the most mundane tasks. So I would lie about things I’ve done just to save my hide. Or, I would lie about my dad being home when he never really was. I would lie to people about my life with larger than life stories that portrayed me as more interesting person. It wasn’t until recently that I feel that I have a huge problem in this area. Seeing these responses have helped me see that more people have this same issue. I feel that I am the only one out there that is an habitual liar. I hate this, and I want to be free of this behavior.

  73. I need help I have been lying for most of my life and now its like second nature. When ever I try to tell the truth my gaurdians u could say never believe me and now I just don’t care anymore. Please help me.

  74. i need help. i only seventeen and ive already screwed up my life alot. ive lost a lot of friends and made situations between others worst as well. my lying has become so much of a second nature that i cant control what spills out of my mouth any more. at night i tell myself tomorrow ill be honest but then when i wake up and go to work i cant keep that promise. oe thing after another i try to make myself look better by telling people stories that arent true.

    ive been confronted before many times and every time i just tell more lies to get out of it. i find myself cheating on those that i form relationship with. my dad and step mom can only see me as a liar now after i apologized so many times. my apologise mean nothing to them anymore cause they think they hold no truth.

    i just want to be able to go on with out lying like i do. i want to be able to reform trust and not destroy it like before. i just want my dad to talk to me like we used to.

    im sure there are many reasons why i do this but fear of rejection, fear of looking uninteresting and fear of being alone really drive me to this. ive thought long and hard about this and why i do it. its because i feel like i need people to see me as someone who is so cool and who seems like a really interesting person. i spent most of my child hood being bullied and being alone all the time watching other kids get along just fine. i wanted that too. so i told a lie to sound more interesting and to seem cooler but it only made a web of lies that i cant seem to get out of now.

    i really need help… any advice is helpfull. thank you.

  75. I have been lying since 5years old. From where I come from, the slum of Puerto Rico, or where im going. I lie about everything! I lie to men, family, friends, doctors, just about anyone i come in contact with all the time. I just do not want to lie anymore!! It sucks it has ruined my life!! And I cry about it all the time.

  76. I met the man of my dreams many years ago and just lately we’ve been getting together, we are planning. I’m lying. I’m seriously lying to people on the internet. We did move in together. And recently hes come across some of my lies. I met him when I was 16 and he lived so far away from me i didn’t think it even mattered what i said. Now he brings up things and I don’t even remember what i said to him when I lied. I lied about sleeping with some guy at a party i lied about what color shoes I wore I still lie to him! I cant stop! I cant get therapy I’m to poor and to scared to ask for help! If i tell him I’m a compulsive liar I fear he will leave me for good! I’m trying to tell the truth and be really me but it just comes out and its not like you can correct yourself after you lie! I need help! Please someone give me some advice! I don’t want to tell him, i just want this to stop coming out of my mouth! I don’t even have reasons to lie!!

  77. OK – I stopped habitual lying. Just putting it out there, so you know it can be done. Felt very freeing – and yes, there have been times I’ve not lived up to being honest, but these are not so common and I work on getting the courage to go back and put it right.

  78. At the risk of ‘overtalking’ it, I can say a couple of things that might help. If you can, practice with someone, and don’t talk about ‘past’ initially at all. You might find that it helps if you stay absolutely ‘in the present’ and avoid making a point of ‘having an attitude or being someone with a position’, plus checking back during the conversation to see if you’ve drifted. One of my friends was really, really good for me, he would check himself and say “oh, I started to bullshit just then, sorry, I got carried away, so rewind a bit – I was honest up to…”. Actually he was really impressive!

  79. I am a liar, I finally came to realise this at long last after my wife caught me out telling another stupid trivial (in my mind) lie, she has told me many times before that I lie and that no matter how small or big a lie is a lie is a lie, after the inevitable arguments with me ending up saying I was sorry, I have always tried to justify this to myself that there was nothing wrong with me.

    She finally told me last night that I had to do something about my habitual lying or that our relationship will end in divorce, i have hurt her so many times by lying and always convinced myself that by saying sorry I was making it all better.

    Today I have finally found the courage to talk to my GP about this and have told them that I need help, the GP at first tried to pass this off as a personality trait but I finally got through to them that this is not the sort of person I am, or want to be.

    They have now referred me for help.

    I will stop being this dishonest person I have become,
    I will be a better truthful person,
    I will stop hurting the people I love,

    • Hi Dan,

      Hope you’re well.

      How have things gone with being referred?

      I know it can be a slow process and it needs pushing by us on many occasions, but it’ll be worth it the end. Push as much as you can even when you gain primary care support, if you feel you need more, push onto secondary care.

      Keep smiling and know it will and can get better.

      Here for a chat if you want, always happy to support.

      James

  80. Firstly I would like to give a huge well done to you all for your admittance, it is a wonderful step on the staircase to your happiness.
    I am able to relate to almost all of you. I too was or am a habitual liar.
    I have lied in small silly doses to major life impacting ones since the first hurtful lie I can remember when I was 6/7.
    I ruined my life on a number of occasions by lying and being found out least of all to loved ones and I’ve witnessed the devastation that my actions in lying have caused. Losing all my friends and family in the process and losing literary everything I had becoming homeless.
    It took devastating my ex wife to finally have me come clean and in the process of losing her having a breakdown not only because of the pain I had caused but because of my own realisation that I was ‘a liar’ that I’d lied to so many and my life was in essence a figment of my imagination.
    The difficulties I then encountered in starting again was, it followed me… ‘Once a liar always a liar’ just when I thought I was lifting up a little and finding new friends they would find out or be told that I was a liar, knocking me back down again.
    I’m not going to lie it was such a struggle that I took steps to end my life on many occasion, but something always stopping me. Everyone through my life thought I was the happiest easiest going guy ever until the lies came out.
    The breakdown was 7 years ago, therapists and psychologists didn’t know what to do ‘I was a liar’ there must be a reason… There was and I can see it in most of your words. ‘Self-esteem!
    I started to research and look into it myself, using it as a positive focus, including gaining psychology training.
    I am now 46 it has been 7 years since I tried to stop lying…
    I am now also a very successful leisure industry consultant/coach and life coach. This vocation was actually one of my major lies, telling people that is what i worked as, even though I was a hotel manager. I have 2 fabulous children, a wonderful partner and the most amazing friends.
    I have not told a compulsive lie for 2 years now and how did I do it.
    As suggested ‘one truth a day’ is amazing and on top of that, I started to write down each day the lies I told and the corresponding truth to them, then I would work out exactly why or what it gained me, then I would write the consequences if that lie was to be found out.
    Slowly, very slowly I came to realise and notice the pattern, of me not only trying to please everyone, but, also making myself look better than I was in their eyes.
    I then started to compare that persons life to my own and on average do you know what I found!? We are all very much different and we all in ourselves no matter how small bring something to the table.
    I have never been happier and I am also helping countless people and businesses to be happier and getting paid for it.
    IT CAN BE DONE AND YOU CAN BE HAPPY. We are all amazing individuals that can achieve by taking a little step at a time. If you’d like a little ear then let me know, we can move forward with help from each other. 🙂 good luck and be determined in being your wonderful self.

  81. Hello all,

    This page has been a big help. This is my first post and knowing im not alone in this takes some weight off this issue. Up until early this year i didn’t know the extent of my lying till i almost lost the love of my life. i thought at first she was being silly and that ‘its only a small lie’ (like lying about what i had for breakfast) but it was often and it appeared i lied for no real gain and it just came out. on top of that my memory isn’t the best so id forget the lie which then caused another lie the next day or week when the same question was asked. Im not a bad man, im loyal, kind, happy so realising this level of constant lying and how much damage has done has shaken my mind.

    Since then i have worked hard to change my life and mindset. working out my triggers (what makes me lie, what situations im in when i lie, do i feel anxious at the time, etc) and then see if there is a pattern.

    After a few weeks i worked out the bulk of my lies came from trying to make myself sound better, i would make up interesting things about me (going to uni or a on a ski holiday for a week) and it almost always happened at awkward social meetings trying to impress or make myself appear more important, less dull. Also on the opposite side i would randomly lie in a argument to try and easy the blow of what ive done (saying i didnt really mean that or thats not how i really think) then confusing myself and making the argument worse. My Partner has trust issues and every time i lie it brings me right back down to 0….she no longer trusts me again and i have to rebuild from the start. knowing each time the bridge could be lost forever.

    Once seeing this pattern and the fact that its been normal to me for so long scared me. i didn’t know what to do. i though it was the core of who i am. i was WRONG. it can be changed….with time. its not a overnight deal.

    Luckily i have a incredibly understanding partner who has supported me and still does. the best advice is know your triggers. learn them. feel them. if you think you might lie shout in your head LIE!!, make your brain aware what your gonna say next is wrong, upsetting and damaging. tell a few truths a day. tell someone one truth about yourself they wouldn’t know. be Prepared that some truths will hurt then person that hears them, ask for their forgiveness but stay true and they will most likely respect that and you will respect yourself!

    Each time you get something off your chest be it a small truth or correcting a past lie it helps it helps a lot. i still make the odd lie in certain situations but im aware of it and correct it the best i can and learn from it.

    remember be honest to yourself, love yourself, respect yourself and you’ll realise you will have nothing to lie about 🙂

  82. I don’t remember when i started to lie but i’ve been doing it for so long now that it happens without me even thinking about it sometimes. I usually don’t feel anything but i’ve recently told a really big, really bad lie that i’ve felt horrible about. I used a family member who is currently in a bad situation to as an excuse to cover my ass for something that i failed to do in school so that wouldn’t be held responsible for my mistake. the lie flew out of me like nothing. while i was in the middle of the lie i told myself i should stop but still failed to do so. my parents found out about my lie and are very disappointed in me. if they had not found out i probably would’ve let this lie go and told myself that it wouldn’t happen again knowing very well that it would happen again eventually. i wan’t to stop, i want to remember who i am and what i stand for. i wan’t to stop feeling like i don’t deserve peoples love or their trust. i’m currently in a relationship and i have told a few lies. they’re nothing major like the one i mentioned earlier but i still lied to someone who i’ve known and love and care about since the tenth grade (I”m 19 years old now soon to be 20). I don’t want to lose this person and so i know i have to come clean and at least tell them that i have a serious problem but i’m afraid of what they will think. I don’t want to lose him…. losing him like this would brake me and so i am very scared to tell him. my fear makes me want to not mention it but my fear is also what causes me to lie. i lie when i’m scared and when i don’t want or know how to deal with things. i cover my ass by lying. i need and want help. please, please, please. i wan’t my life back and i wan’t to keep that special person in my life as well.

  83. Hi I’m in a relationship with a wonderful funny person who is a complusive liar. She is great besides this problem. I have gone thru hell in back to prove to her that she has a problem. And I will do it again. Today we had a break thru. She admitted she has a problem for the first time. I’m so proud of her. She is willing to seek help. We walk from here. Love you cornbread.

  84. Its hard for me to say this but I lie to everyone I love family and friends. I just want to stop but most of the time it just comes out before I can stop myself. I think it started when I was younger I found it easier to lie because I got away with it and know I’m just losing everything. I just need some help from someone that understands and that can help me to stop. message me if you have any suggestions

    • I dont have any suggestions. But l lie every day. I cant stop. I want to. I need someone to believe me. Can you?? I need someone to try to believe me. I dont know what to do.

  85. It is good to know that I am not the only one, and people are suggesting things I can do to help myself. I am of course a habitual and pathological liar. I have low self-esteem and very low self-worth and lying to my peers and family has given me the delusion that I can get by on it.
    Just yesterday I got caught in a lie about my grades and my school sent a letter home they probably would have found out after I left home and that was my plan.
    I’ve lied to a person I called my friend because I was jealous of him being able to reject a woman and I can not even get one. Funny the whole fiasco almost got me killed and burned a bridge of our “Friendship” forever. God bless him for wanting to rebuild that bridge but I have lost many people for lying like I do.
    The lies have caused my parents to become unhappy and probably the worst thing is that my brother is starting to do it too and he’s in the 8th grade.
    The lying has caused me to lose trust in myself, become paranoid, lower my self-esteem and that feeds into my cycle ( ironic right).

    I need some help not just for my life but for my parent’s happiness and my brother’s well being. Please help me

  86. I lied in my relationship about my past. Its a topic that i don’t like to touch. I cheated as well. But now that we are over i have realized that if i would have been honest he would have forgiven me.

    I wrote a letter to him telling him everything I didn’t tell him. It was a relief to tell him the truth. when writing the letter i wanted to sugar coat it but i convinced myself to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. I already knew that our relationship was going down the drain. It was so hard to tell him because i didn’t want to lose him, but you know something I am glad i wrote the letter. It made me realize that i needed a change and i will go forward and doing it. Its been a week now since i moved from him and i can honestly say is that i feel better telling the truth. its a very hard process but its something that needs to be done.

    i just tell the truth no matter if it hurts anyone or not. I no longer try to please people, i please myself by telling the truth.

    God has been my guide and he has given me strengths to get over all the things that have happened in my life. Only with him i know i am strong enough to make a difference.

    • I convinced the man who is now my husband that I have a sort psychic abilities and that I received a message from a loved family member. This lie grew when I met his parents. The thing about it is that I made my family grow closer. My husband’s faith has grown because of this and we have been seeking God going to church partially because of this. I am afraid that telling the truth will destroy his faith and our family. Advice needed

  87. Hey my names Scott.
    I have been lying to my girlfriend for 3 and a half years now on and off about stuff that doesn’t even matter! I really need help and am not sure where to actually start.
    I love her to bits but I can’t stop hurting her. I don’t know weather I’m just a crap person or if I actually have a problem…
    I am so scared that she is just going to leave me! What options do I have any help would be much appreciated!

  88. The penny has finally dropped and I realise at 30 and 3 years married that I am an absolutely lier I lie through my teeth to my wife pretty much on an everyday basis lying about the smallest stupid things that when I’m caught create the biggst problems my life could be amazing but I choose to lie and hurt and let my wife down.

    My wife is the most amazing person on this planet but I think I ha e pushed her to far this time constant lie after lie after lie she is the most kind honest trust worthy person and I’m actually ruining her as a person it’s Saturday so I won’t get to a therapist till some time mid week I am hoping I can recover myself and find the truthfulness inside me to try save my marriage I never thought lying was such a big issue for people in some small way I feel comfort that I’m not the only one with this problem

  89. I am a cumplusive liar…. I lie everyday.
    I’ve been a compulsive liar as far back as I can remember. I lie more then I tell the truth and I’m at the point where I can’t remember what the truth was and when it became a lie. Childhood memories are messed up because I told to many lies. My whole relationship is messed up because I lie about stupid things. I admit that. How do I get back from this

    • I’ve been on this site for 3 hours now, and can relate to just about everyone. I’m a 46 yr old man who would have just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary, but my wife left me in February. Our anniversary was September 28th. I have lied for as long as I can remember and have no idea why about small things, big things, EVERYTHING.

      I’m in therapy now, but not making much progress on the lying. I’ve been diagnosed and medicated for ADHD, and I definitely had that too, because now medicated I can concentrate, complete tasks and have a clear head. However, I still lie. I feel that my whole life is a big sham and I don’t even no what is real.

      There is no help for us, we’ve got to defeat this on our own. As many have suggested start by one or two simple truths a day and correct yourself instantly if you lie. It works and it feels good. I’m doing it, having some success, and trying harder each day.

      My wife and I talk and date occasionally but I can’t ask her to or expect her to ever come home if she can’t trust me!! And, I don’t trust myself!!!

      Good Luck to all, I will pray for all of us!

  90. I don’t even realize I am lying when I do it. I have lied since I was little and eventually every aspect of my life was a lie. I would tell my friends stories that were so off the wall about me just to seem more interesting. Fast forward a bunch of years and I’m here now, I keep lying to my wife. I told her lies when we first met because I thought it would make me more interesting to her, like I was worth more than I feel like I’m worth. I’ve lied to her about my grades in college, told her I drew a picture that I didn’t, lied about the food I eat, and even who I went to the gym with because she didn’t like the person and I couldn’t say “no, I don’t want to go to the gym with you”. I lie to keep those lies all under cover, she confronts me and I lie some more because I’m too weak to just say “yeah I lied to you again”. I want to stop lying, not just for her and the people around me, but for me. I can’t remember my childhood because I think I lied so much that I don’t know what is true or not. I am a liar and I want to stop.

  91. I am a compulsive habitual liar and I am destroying my relationshup of 17 years. I am also clinically depressed. I have lied for so many years. Lies to make my past life sound better, lies to hide things I have done, lies to hide theft, lies to get what and who I wanted, lies to get medical help, lies in bed, lies to give people what they want…. and worst of all lie for no reason other than for its own sake.

    My lies with my partner are stupid because she knows I am lying….she sees the evidence…..and then I twist it to justify by playing the ‘pacifying’ card. “I was lying because you had told me not to do ‘x’ but I wanted to… so I thought you would be angry if I told you”.

    I have lost her trust and don’t know if I will ever get it back…my relationship is close to over.

    I need help, and I need to prove myself to her.

  92. Maybe us liars should just stick together. I mean those people who don’t understand our lies can’t stay, not because we hurt them but because they don’t understand us. Think about it for a second, if you yourself were in the reverse, you wouldn’t have left yourself, right? I know I wouldn’t, because I understand why I do the things I do. I also understand what love is, and it’s sticking together through sickness and in health, we are sick, help us don’t abandon us.

    I don’t mean to say they are wrong for leaving, I’m also a habitual liar, probably worse than most. A week ago I lost my fiance, okay that’s a lie, she was my girlfriend, nonetheless, I lost her to these same lies I can never rid myself of. I also lost my job, and I can’t get a new one now, it’s been a year of unemployment, endless lies and just compulsive beating myself up for being such an ass. If I could afford a therapist, she’d be fed up of me as well. So I lock myself up in my room an fantasize of the life I’d love to live, because in my dreams everybody loves and appreciates me.

    Yes we do hurt people with our lies, but why do we lie to people we love? Honestly, because we don’t believe in ourselves, and it comes naturally, because of our disbelief in ourselves, but it’s also because we see something in them that they may never admit. We know they’d leave us if they knew what whispers we keep in our heads. Saying I was at a pub sounds better than I was drunk on my ass in a club and I don’t know who I had a fight with, or whose legs I woke up in between.

    As much as we are compulsive liars, we’re also very good at reading people, right? Even though sometimes we may never confirm our suspicions, but we know if we tell the truth our trusty partners would never be able to take it, so we lie, time and time again, to prevent the inevitable.

    I’m sorry if I burst anyone’s bubble by being so brutally honest, but truth be told, lies are better than the truths we hide inside. If we really did find true love, it would understand who we are and try to help, instead of leaving us under the bus to get destroyed by the next person who claims they have feelings for us.

    Bottom line my compulsive associates, let’s start our own consultation group of liars, no therapists and people who’ll judge us for our actions. Maybe something broken can mend another broken thing, maybe we could start a revolution and finally put an end to Compulsive Lying Disorder. Who’s with me?

    Send me a mail if you wanna talk, I also need someone to talk to. And thanks for reading my ramblings. I really appreciate it, but I’d really appreciate a sweet reply, just say hi, or swear me, I’m used to that too.

    Anyway, I think I’m tired of typing now, gonna cry myself to sleep. Goodnight… Oh my email, blavastab [AT] gmail [DOT] com

    Hope to hear from at least one person 🙁 Enjoy your day!

  93. I have a very bad problem which is that I have made many bad lies in my life as in my best friend dying which made my day much more sadder and other days where I lied to make me seem happier.I think I have been doing this for attention and am determined to find a way to stop as I think I am the only one out their with this .

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