Is My Wife a Compulsive Liar?

One of the worst possible things that I ever could have realized was the possibility that my wife was indeed a compulsive liar.

I am not talking about the types of lies that people tell in order to keep from hurting someone’s feelings, but instead the type of lying that causes irreparable damage to a marriage, or to any other type of relationship for that matter.

The first time that I caught her lying I brushed it off and thought little of it, chalking it up to her simply trying to prevent some of our friends from knowing how difficult things really were at home sometimes.

We were both just graduating from college and things were difficult financially. Some of our friends had a lot more money than we did and I thought that she was embarrassed. That was understandable enough. Of course, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make things worse and embarrass her even more.

However, over the years I noticed a pattern. My wife would tell me that she was going one place and then she would end up somewhere else or she would tell me that she was having dinner with a friend that she hadn’t seen in years and I would later find that she hadn’t had any contact with that person whatsoever for more than a decade.

It was something that I really didn’t want to admit could potentially be a problem and as a result I had a tendency to brush everything under the rug and hope that I was simply overreacting. Over time, this became more and more difficult and I was eventually forced to confront her about her lying.

After a lot of investigation I found out that my wife had a tendency to lie about almost everything. She would tell friends that were not closely familiar with the family things that were completely different from reality and then she would come home and tell us stories about her friends that never happened.

When it was all said and done, it seemed that my wife had lied about everything from who she was friends with to how much money we made to where she was from. I slowly began to realize that there was a possibility that she was a compulsive liar.

How do you recognize a compulsive liar?

The signs can be difficult to pick up on, especially for someone who is good at it and most compulsive liars are exactly that. However, people that lie eventually trip themselves up and this is usually how compulsive liars are first found out.

Small variances in stories that they are telling you often simply do not add up. An inability to explain things anytime that someone catches them in a lie is another indication. Many compulsive liars have a tendency to weave a web of lies that they eventually cannot keep up with because it becomes impossible to remember what they have told to whom.

If you notice any of these things in your wife, you may want to consider the same fact that I had to consider and realized that compulsive lying may be the problem. It is also important to remember that there are many reasons that a person may be a compulsive liar and it is vitally important to get to the bottom of those reasons in order to find out if a relationship can be saved and what can be done to remedy the situation.

The worst thing you can do is ignore it because it will not go away.

9 Replies to “Is My Wife a Compulsive Liar?”

  1. Had the same experience myself. It was the rollercoaster ride of a lifetime, took her to therapy, but when I couldn’t physically take her to the door i later learnt she was out dancing with another man. I still tried to ‘fix it’ , but she continued to refuse there was anything wrong. In the end it ended like a ‘car crash’ and left me damaged for months…. But having looked at behavioural patterns, it all fits into place.

  2. My daughter is a compulsive liar, I think. Hard to be sure. She lied as a child. Now, as an adult, she talks to me, but I have no way of confirming what she says, but her stories are outlandish. I let her tell them, and don’t confront her. It doesn’t work to confront her. It seems to be some stress relief for her. She wants to talk to me, but not truthfully. Maybe closeness for her is just being in contact. She wants things to be different so she says they are. I don’t know that she is lying as she makes it so that I have no contact with anyone who could verify her stories.

  3. I am right now going through this. Finding so many lies my husband has been telling me. Everyday another lie. Silly lies but still lies and this is really frystrating. It is affecting our marriage so much. I cannot trust him anymore. I want to save our marriage but he needs to be willing to recognize his problem first. Can a compulsive liar be cured with therapy?

  4. Was try into determine if my wife’s blatant lies are related to her mental illness and apparently it is. She suffers from schizophrenia

  5. You many have to walk away….if there are kids its not so easy to leave them however you do not have to put up with a compulsive liar either

  6. My ex wife is a compulsive liar. It is just one of the “lovely” traits she has being a sociopath. She lies about everything.
    EVEN WHEN THE TRUTH WOULD BE IN HER BEST INTEREST SHE STILL WILL LIE. I never understood it and never will. It is like she is actually incapable of telling the truth. As if the truth is so foreign to her, she must lie. It never mattered how stupid or insignificant the lie was. She lied. She would lie about what she had for lunch. When we were still married (years ago) I remember just asking her how her day was, and she said “oh it was awful, my father (actually her step dad who she pretends is her real dad) is sick again and I had to go to my moms and help her take him to the doctor.” I thought nothing of things like that, until I called amber mother the next day to check on her and see how my wife step dad was feeling. And her mother had no clue what I was talking about. Either the father had a dr appt but only routine one, or my now ex wife just made up a straight up lie. Her step father wasn’t sick and had nothing wrong with him, and she actually hadn’t even seen her mother or step father or spoken to them in weeks. Why would she say these things. I have no idea. Becsue she is crazy I guess. Or maybe she wanted me to believe she had a hard day because she was out being a good daughter and helping her parents – because the truth is she is a horrible human being and has Never helped anyone – especially her parents. She has only bullied them for more money or some other material possession she felt entitled to
    Now I believe nothing she says. I stopped believing her before I filed for divorce. Basically I stopped even wondering what she was telling the truth about and what she was lying about. I realized she was lying about everything. 100% of every word out of her mouth was a lie. I still don’t understsnd and I personally do not care anymore. I am just glad to be rid of her…

  7. My sister is a pathogical liar. She told everyone for several years that she had breast cancer to get sympathy. She got put on the prayer chain at her church. When my mother and I asked for paperwork from her doctor, she never could show us anything. Her husband never went to any of her appointments either. We have been estranged from her for over 18 months now after she publicly embarrassed our entire family at my grandmother’s funeral. Now she wants to reconcile with my mother and I. We told her point blank to either prove she had cancer or admit to the lie or no future contact. She has yet to respond.

    • Keith – Look at the list (top right – What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?) to find my contributions to these page. You will see that I have had considerable painful experience. Your sister will NEVER respond to you simply because incurable compulsive liars have a built in strategy “Admit nothing – Deny everything.” You asked her to prove??? NEVER! Even when YOU can provide proof of her lies compulsive liars will refuse to accept those proofs and, instead, will make YOU an evil person for having even obtained documented proofs! In my own case – “Don’t talk about that because I could say a few things about YOU!” It’s rather clear that what my own wife could say about me would be based upon the lies that SHE has told about me!

  8. My wife is a compulsive liar also. Its hard because we have a child . we were together for 6 years. I recently kicked her out of the house to stay with her parents. I work all the time so my son has to stay at her parents place too mostly. I take him whenever I can. He is 1 hour away so I don’t get the time to see him everyday. If anyone wants to talk. Having a hard time.thanks.

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