Ideally, a relationship should be built on trust, respect and honesty. Keeping important things to yourself and not sharing it with your partner might eventually ruin your relationship.
There is such a thing as being a compulsive liar. If you are in a relationship and you love your partner too much to let him or her go, then you might want to take a look at the signs and reasons behind being a compulsive liar:
This bad habit can stem from having a very low self-confidence.
There are several reasons why one would compulsively or deliberately lie.
One of which is having a low self-esteem. If you do not love yourself enough, then you can never love anyone else completely and selflessly.
Having a low self-esteem can later on lead to compulsive lying.
Take this as an example. A man who had a humiliating childhood experience or comes from a broken family is ashamed of his family background.
Before he finally reaches adulthood, he is at a very awkward stage where it takes very little to wound his fragile ego.
As a result, he makes up stories about his family background, and lies about himself.
Once he sees that his stories are weaving magic on other people and the stories make them like him, what is the result?
He will keep on weaving lies, and this habit he will take with him until he grows into a mature adult.
People with this complex never think that they are, nor will they ever be, as good as the people around them. In the above example, once the boy turns out into a man and he is at a stage where he begins to have relationships, guess what will happen?
Instead of breaking the chain and finding ways to stop the habit, he will keep on lying to keep a women interested.
In the end, he may never have a stable relationship because the truth about him will come out eventually.
What if my husband IS a compulsive liar?
If you are a women with a husband who is a compulsive liar, there is a very high probability that you will get hurt in the process. Once you find out about the web of lies that he told, will you still find it in your heart to forgive him?
Unfortunately, having a relationship with a compulsive liar is quite harmful to other people’s feelings.
Compulsive liars cannot help lying ‘even to their loved ones’ and if you have a husband with this condition and he does not want to seek help, then you are at a crossroads.
As heart-wrenching as it is to let go of somebody you love with this kind of situation, you have no choice but to let go. Otherwise, you are just letting yourself in for more heartbreak.
Compulsive liar sign #1: I am afraid to face the truth.
A compulsive liar feels that it is but natural to lie, so he is actually afraid of facing up to facts. He is always in denial. He wants to believe the lies that she made up, so much so that she sometimes believe it to be true. In fact, he wants it to be the truth.
Usually, compulsive liars develop this habit at an early age and it is carried on to their adulthood.
Compulsive liar sign #2: My lies are better than your truth.
Compulsive liars usually experience jealousy and fear towards other people.
He will also feel that since they are so used to lying, they can easily see through the deceit of other people. Thus, they show an air of authority, and they think that other people will never see through their lies.
This develops into a vicious cycle that is even more destructive for the person with this complex, and will surely affect the people around him.
Compulsive liar sign #3: I lie for my own purposes.
This statement is actually a lie by itself because compulsive liars can lie for any reason at all, even if they would not gain anything from it.
The habit of lying has become deeply indebted in their system that they cannot escape from it.
Compulsive Lying: The Cure
The cure for compulsive lying depends on the person. If you are in a relationship with someone who is a compulsive liar, ask yourself, is he worth saving? The answer is, of course! Any person who wants to be cured of the compulsion to lie is worth saving.
The key is that he should want to change and do away with this habit. With some professional advise, some help from you and your loved ones, then you can take the first step to curing your husband of compulsive lying.
Memee
Friday 17th of August 2018
If you have been lied to for years like some of the writers describe, its HIGHLY unlikely to improve.Damage done.If there are no kids then run,walk,skip cycle- just go the opposite direction.If there are kids,save,study,therapy-justwork on you..all that energy you are using on detective skills,figuring out,making excuses for them, blaming yourself.. you wont get anywhere but crazy,and you wont get that time back either.Good luck either way.
Yvette
Monday 19th of June 2017
I can relate to this; I just broke up with my live-in partner of 7 years and am still going through the first months of pain and upset. For the entire 7 years I felt something was always off, things never quite rang right, and there were always reasons not to trust him, which made me feel guilty at times; wondering if I did him wrong. But because we came from such different backgrounds - him Senegalese and me Dutch - I thought much of it had to do with cultural, ethnic or religious reasons, and somehow he was always able to convince me that there were legitimate reasons as to why things happened or didn't happen. He'd always have a 'reasonable' answer. In 7 years he barely introduced me to anyone in his life as where he was part of my entire family, children and grandchildren. After our break up, which infuriated him, he insulted me one last time saying he and his ex-wife were getting together again - hoping it would hurt me. Instead, I put my pride aside and decided to contact his ex-wife to inquire about his assertion. I now wish I had done so 7 years earlier. She is the one who gave me some insights into his life before me, and it turns out that almost all he ever had told me was untrue. The hardest thing for me to swallow is that I gave this man my trust; and it makes me wonder about him ever having loved me for any of those 7 years. Was it all a lie - can I be that wrong about every aspect of us?! What else did he lie about - other than the things I discovered? And finally, I have this enormous need to confront him about my learning about his lies. I have such a need to do so. Of course I know he'd just try to hurt me more and lie yet about other things; continuing his pattern of deceit... I'm just not quite there yet to sort it all out and haven't taken the appropriate distance yet. I'm still not able to leave it all behind me, understanding that I must. I'll hope to get there.
Lonely Lola
Friday 23rd of December 2016
I am trying to get away from a compulsive liar. I thought I was actually going crazy from the way he was making me feel. We have two small children and they even catch his lies. I thought I wanted this marriage to last forever like in the story books but I know I deserve better than what he is giving us. I hope he gets the help he needs.
PRIA
Thursday 6th of April 2017
I just left my husband of 14 years last month and have two young children aged 2 and 7 and am taking full custody of my kids. I am sad and devastated that my marriage perished and at the same time, it feels so much better and peaceful than when I was with him. The first few weeks and maybe months are tough because you are mourning the loss of a dream of a regular family with two parents for your kids and a soulmate/companion for yourself. You will struggle with the chores and struggles of a single parent for sometime till you learn to optimize yourself in this new role. Do not get disheartened and keep doing your best everyday, whatever that is for that day. The truth is that you are mourning for something that is not there. My husband cheated on me for a year when I had my second child while I nursed an infant. I gave him many months after I discovered the affair to demonstrate his love and commitment, but he could not come clean about the details of his affair and continued with his lies and still does. A relationship will NEVER BE FULFILLING if there are LIES. An intimate relationship NEEDS HONESTY. I am not talking about small petty white lies like are you fat or skinny kind of stuff, but honesty in the big things and every day activity of life. I opened up my eyes and looked back at my marriage and its splattered with BIG LIES that I condoned and chose to ignore. I found out now that he loves to seek validation from other women and has been doing this since the beginning of our marriage. Spouses/partners who are dishonest with their family are selfish and will not be there for you when you need them the most and that is why he bailed out on me when I needed his support the most. It did not help that he has a dishonest and selfish mother, older sister who are always doing self serving things that he dances to. Leave a liar/cheater and you will gain your life back. I would not have believed it a month back while I was struggling to "make it work" with him, but now I do believe that you will slowly gain your life back and its far more beautiful than the crap you live with everyday. DO FORGIVE such people because they are living this life because this is all they know and perhaps it was their childhood that shaped up their personality. It has nothing to do with you or how much more or less they love you. DO NOT TAKE IT ON YOU TO CHANGE THEM; cut your losses and move on. All the best to all of you and pray for me and my kids that I complete all the legal paperwork amicably for the best of everybody in my family.
Rachel2112
Friday 2nd of December 2016
Hi there - I found out 8 months ago that my girlfriend is a compulsive liar. I had to dig to find evidence for about 5 months and it came to that she was lying about everything, her job, her friends, her monetary situation. She also had documents created to fool me into thinking certain things. For the past 8 months we have been trying to work on things and she has been much better about not lying but I do know of certain small situations where she still lied (mainly about spending money) AND she still refuses to admit that she made up 2 people (at least) in her life and created email accounts to which I tried to contact them through. She has given me "details" on these people and they are nowhere online and I did see one email account and it had one email in it, the one from me, nothing else. I have tried to come up with ways where she can prove to me these people exist but she refuses. She also refuses to discuss anything in the past as she says we have already discussed these things and the past is the past and I need to move on from it or be stuck in it but she refuses to let the past define her. Is this something that seems like she is not willing to fully heal from her problem? Or do I need to give her more of a chance? Thank you in advance for your responses!
One who is over it
Wednesday 19th of October 2016
I have known my husband for 18 years, and he to this day still lies so much that I am seeking a divorce. It is EVERYTHING he lies about. To something so petty and small that it wouldn't even matter to tell the facts (truth) because it wouldn't affect anything, he will lie about it. He lied to me today about a situation that if I would have reached out to this person and talked to them, it would have been a nightmare. I knew from the moment he told this lie, it was just that...a lie. I responded to him that he had has the option to tell me the truth, that he indeed made this up, or he was out of our home. He tried to use is tired ways of saying, "Oh no, it happened. This really happened" to then admit (within 30 seconds which is time breaking for him) that he had made it up. He lied and made this story up b/c he didn't want to fight about him not being in counseling about his LYING!! Seriously! I can't make this stuff up! He wanted to draw the attention away from him and that topic, to someone else, and hope I would be "okay" with him and would let the fact that he needs major help slide again. This has been an ongoing battle for 18 years. He will never change. One shrink already diagnosed him as a pathological liar, and guess what he did? He left and never went back. He brags to everyone about his life, job, home, car, material items, but in reality, he has horrible credit, rents a home, has a junk car and zero friends or family that will speak to him. Everyone along the path of 18 years figures out how he really is and wants nothing to do with him. It doesn't matter where he moves to he never has one single friend. Me on the other hand, I am outgoing lots of friends very close to my family and he can't stand this. He always tries to get my family against me by telling them lies, and with my friends. He is very controlling also. He reminds me of people you see on the news that has zero remorse for anything and zero expression. I have never seen him cry once or even muster up a tear. Even with the saddest situations or deaths, or anything, he has ZERO emotion to anyone or anything. He uses people to gain something for them, and discards them when he get's what he wants or they figure him out. He has walked out of us numerous times, cheated on me numerous times, and acts like..."whatever, I won't do it again." and when I bring it up later down the road he always says, "God, get over it already." He can't admit fault EVER. It is ALWAYS someone else's fault, NEVER his. I am officially DONE!