The Sad Story of a Compulsive Liar: Lies Fathers Tell Their Kids

Compulsive lying destroys families. This post includes John’s story of how his relationship with his father was ruined by his father’s habitual lies.

Even though compulsive or pathological liars tell lies constantly, it’s shocking to note that compulsive lying is not strictly a diagnosed condition.

Paul Ekman, in his book “Why People Lie” says that lying is like a drug to them. It gives them adrenalin and makes them feel in control of the person they are lying to.

Other theories on the phenomenon of lying state that it occurs because of emotional issues, neglect, or something that has happened to them in the past.

But these are not the only reasons people lie. Jerald Jellison a professor at University of Southern California, says that once compulsive liars start spinning tales they simply can’t stop. It becomes a habit to them and after a while they do not even know they are doing it. Of course, more lies follow in order to cover up the original ones.

Let’s look at an example. John did not speak to his father because his father was a compulsive liar.

His habit was so severe that it caused the break down of his marriage to John’s mother when he was a small child.

Typically, his father’s habit had got worse over the years. John remembers many distinctive times as he was growing up when he was lied to and then he would be made to feel guilty for what he done to him. John realized that his father had a problem and tried to help him. He begged and pleaded with him many times.

There is one particularly bad episode of his father’s lying that especially stuck in John’s head. It was when he was about 12 years old.

He called him up and told him he had sent his birthday present, which was already a week late. Jon waited and waited while his father called him to tell him “oh it will be at your house by 10:00 am so it will be waiting for you after school.”

John would come home from school everyday and nothing would be there. His father would call him again and keep making excuses about how it would be there and he would pull the “do you not trust me” routine on him.

Eventually, after about three months of nothing but lies he gave up. John got nothing, not even a card, Ironically, young John would have been very happy with a call on his birthday; but instead he got nothing. Worse, he got lie after lie from his own father.

Do Liars Have Different Brains?

A study at the University of California discovered that there are differences in the brains of compulsive liars.

The pre-frontal cortex region of the brain, the part which enables people to feel remorse or learn moral behavior has a different structure than that of a non liar. The study examined more than 100 people who all did a series of 12 pathological tests.

The tests concluded that there was a 25.7% increase of white matter and less gray matter in the prefrontal cortex compared to normal controls. Because the liars had more white matter, the study found that they have a greater capacity to lie and less moral restraints than others.

How Can You Spot a Compulsive Liar?

Eye Contact

According to Dr. Gail Saltz, if a compulsive avoids eye contact often while having a conversation then they are probably lying.

Voice Changes

If the person’s voice has a variation of pitch and mutters a lot of umms and ahhs that can also be a hint that they are lying.

Body Language

Also, body language can be a give away. Watch out for hands going up to cover the mouth for example.

As we heard in John’s sad story, people that constantly tell lies leave a trail of misery and heartache wherever they go. The first step in curing a compulsive liar is to find out what is driving them to lie and then start the healing process by visiting a psychologist.

26 Replies to “The Sad Story of a Compulsive Liar: Lies Fathers Tell Their Kids”

  1. I truly believe that compulsive lying is an illness. My husband’s compulsive lying completely destroyed my trust in him along with our marriage because he refused to seek help. For those of you out there that there is still a chance, please just get the help you need before another family is ruined needlessly. I still love my husband, but since he is choosing the lying over his family I am powerless to change anything. I can’t live with a man I cannot trust.

    • My father has emotional issues. His issues are hard to figure out when they begin. But, he is a compulsive liar. I started to realize the many patterns of anger and gossip that my father continually did. My nephew was falsely diagnosed with mild Autism.My father on one hand would rush out to visit my sister and her nice kids and husband with my mother. But on the other hand he would come back from vacation blaming them.
      My father complaints I now know stem from a very complicated hatred that he has for other people. He doesn’t see it. But he is very compulsively angry at males. He has a very strained relationship with his younger brother. As far as I’ve ever heard, his younger brother did not get a lot of time with my father who is very uncaring with him. He comments on his weight. Says very morbid things about his weight and him dying from it. He feels sorry for himself when he had every opportunity to spend more quality time with his younger brother.

      Every thing that he touches he becomes an angry and hateful control freak. Everything that he sees in our family is subject to his control mechanisms.

      He has on many occasions treied to Regin over me and my own life. Making friends with him is a big mistake. Further he has the same kinds of bad problems that many males have. If you trust him you are making big mistake.

      My father compulsive lying is so bad, that when he begins lying he is really keep tract of every suggestion that another person makes.

      Not to be thankful or happy for the input. But how to blast the person later on, crucify them. Further he prepare attacks on everyperson at night when he can’t sleep.

      His problems are baffling. He to boot is an alcoholic. Finally I resent anyone on line who offers falsely fake universal opinions about these issues. When those bits of advice are bogus and never work. I mean never.

      Yeah, my father has defiance/compulsive lying/alcoholism as some of this biggest faults. He is without question lying whenever he appears to be acting reasonable.

      It’s his way or the highway.

  2. I feel very touched by all of this. I always thought I was avoiding too heart my now ex-wife’s feelings by not telling her the truth when I thought it would hurt her. She always knew I was lying. That has destroyed our marriage. I recently found that I might be a compulsive liar and more than anything I want her trust and love back. I also want to be an example for my children. I just thought a good start was to come out and shout to the world and admit I’m a liar. I also worry that if I come open with all lies I told her that would just make things worse and I’d never her back.

    • Would you really be having her back, if based on a lie? Living in truth at least gives you a chance for a higher level open and honest relationship. I have lived with a liar for five years now and its killing me on the inside and making me lose my sense of self. I just want my husband to stop lying. We recently separated and I am miserable, but I rather be miserable in truth (with the likelihood of being reasonably happy again) than being miserable in lies, with no chance of happiness.

  3. I know someone well a handful of people that seem to have a group lying problem in Idaho Falls, Idaho their are two or three that are really bad they seem not even aware that they are lying. I don’t even talk to them anymore its so bad.

  4. Family member cannot help himself. Recently, he went on and on about a childhood toy which was not ever mnufactured in the way he described. Another incident where he told a long fabricated tale about the demise of a pet. The subject matter is usually not of consequence, yet he is under a spell to spout unthuths. The rest of us shake our heads and cannot trust what he says until verification is laid before us, which drives him crazy. Go figure.

  5. My husband lies about everything and he does it so effortlessly. He got fired for insubordination and told me and his family it was because he missed work when his dad got sick. I just can’t believe anything he tells me. I really don’t want a divorce but it makes me so sad that he doesn’t respect me enough to at least try to tell the truth even every once in a while. He is now hiding mail from me I know it seems small but it’s important things like my alimony check or my daughters physical therapy appointment cards. Every time I confront him about it he screams at me and calls me a liar. He’s good at the blame game. I’m at my wits end. 🙁

  6. Hi I am new to this I never really express myself as my self.. My lying as always been to impress people and to make myself more interesting.. They have got out of control…. I have gone so far that to tell the truth I would completely lose my whole life. I lied a lot when I drank gave me the confidence to become someone else.. My mum told me I lied as a child pretend I would be going on holiday to USA when only going to Spain pointless I know and wish I knew why I do it.. I have not drank for over a year and I think about what I say before I say it now.. My lying as become so much better. Although I still live everyday with a lie I told a long time ago and can’t face up to it.. It gives me anxiety badly every day.. Which is horrible but good because it means I am realising what I am doing and facing up to it.. I hope one day I live a life as me. Xxx

  7. Found out recently my ex had continued to tell even bigger lies than when we were together but these ones hurt our son. I might as well have been a single mum for the input my ex had in our childs life and it wasn’t for the lack of our son telling his dad directly he wanted to be in his company but his dad was too busy. I became extremely ill and my ex was too busy to help but was surprised when after he had become abusive I told him to leave. Our son has a life threatening, genetic illness but his father refused to help. So in the end our son stopped asking his dad to be a dad. Now our son is an adult and his dad is redundant his dad wants to do things with him but only on his terms. Earlier this year our son nearly died. I called his father, a day later he came to the hospital for twenty minutes. Gave the hospital staff an address which we now know to be a false address. Sends our son texts telling him how much he loves him and everything is my fault and kept telling him all the things he was doing with his life. The other day a friend, who I hadn’t seen for years was chatting and assumed we knew my ex had remarried three/four years ago and was living in the new wifes house. When I asked the ex via text, he never communicated in other firms, he said I was to blame for him not telling our son because I was the one who threw him out and as far as he was concerned he had done nothing wrong by not telling our son and by leading him to believe he was living at a different address and was virtually destitute, rsther than have a very expensive car and bringing up other peoples children. Even paying for their uni but not for his own child. I am angry he lied to his child making him feel sorry for him. The ex really thinks he has done nothing wrong.

  8. I have only recently noticed how much my partner lies and I know they are lies and he fights with me until his black and blue so I just give up in the end.
    It frustrates me that I don’t understand why he has to lie about stupid insignificant things like eg he claims to have made a Vegemite sandwich for our 8 month old baby girl for lunch when I know full well that i threw all the bread out because it was off and the Vegemite is at the back of the fridge with plenty of jars covering it so it has not been moved but screams at me that I’m a fwit for not believing him. He won’t admit that he lies and I don’t know what to do about it =(

    • It sounds like he just doesnt want you to think less of him. He wants you to believe that he is a good person. If you care about him i would recommend telling him that he is a good person and pointing out some good things about him that you are proud of. He needs to know that you still love him if you do in order to get past this. Ease him into getting help for this- he first has to realise that he has a problem. But most of all, you need to know that he is worth it before convincing him that it is.

  9. I don’t believe that all compulsive liars have lesser morals. Take all these comments from compulsive liars themselves for example. Most of them want help and don’t like hurting people or losing their trust. I know myself that i have a problem and am working on fixing it. My lieing started because i didn’t want to hurt someone.

  10. Liars, lie because they are selfish and childish and manipulative. You say you lie to not hurt others feelings (little white lies are sometimes acceptible, such as to taste, does my hair look ok, do you think they will like my gift, could we maybe go on a walk together) ok, there are little lies to save feelings or where the answer isn’t known or subjective, and then there are HUGE lies that should never be told, those are the things easily proven or that DO great harm. The lie could be, small but the deliberate misleading or directing a selfish outcome (as in lazy) that can be proven is huge, because it destroys trust.

    What happens in some people is that the lies far outweigh any truths, they lie to avoid responsibility, team work, and to be able to self indulge at others expense.

    Omitting details that would alter outcomes or to get someone to “vote” in your favor INTENTIONALLY are malicious, manipulative and selfish.

    I unwittingly married a complusive and complete liar, the only thing he ever said that was truthful, is to laugh about his ability to tell “the lie that will fly” as if that was something to be proud about. Oh, and that it is not a lie, if you don’t tell ALL the facts.
    The worst damage is the way he also lies to himself, and think he has EVEN himself fooled….Sad person, and very damaging and dangerous person.

  11. There are two types of liars, those that are compulsive and those that are sociopaths. I married a sociopath. I knew he lied, he acted as if he could not help it, he even said things such as “what if I can’t quit lying” Then it escalated after his daughter got married, then his one sister died. he lies about everything big and small and pulls me in and I have been noticing he does get satisfaction when he can win me over. He told his daughter I am crazy and on drugs. I was the one who brought up giving money to her for her wedding, she is not young by the way. I did make a major mistake talking about Jehovah’s witness not knowing the new son in law was one, but it was one sentence as in people on my road should keep their doors shut due to they are coming door to door. My husband lies about money and awhile back he almost bankrupted us, I made a plan with a company who helps people in debt, it took six years to do it but we did. Now he is gambling, I found he owed $75.00 to a work friend. I have had spine surgery and did not want to go to a bar with him and his sister, he said he would not be gone long, 5 hours later and then he said the only thing he did wrong was not be realistic with telling me the time that was needed to get there and home. He went to a motel, I guess he did that thinking that was my worst fear, losing him. He lost his wedding band somewhere at the motel, he said he looked for it but not like I would have being out there in sunlight the next day, he bought a new one. He is going on a golf outing, he even told me I ok’ed it, no I did not. Then he said he already gave them the $50 deposit of the almost $500 for the 4 days and 3 nights. he told me there is a stripper club some of the guys go to but he won’t go, I shouldn’t worry. He said yesterday he would rather take care of things for himself only in foul words than touch me. I went to my Dr and I am situationally depressed, which I knew but I also wanted to make sure that the medication I need to take isn’t the problem because that is what he is telling people, that it makes me crazy. My sister had a stroke and now needs a cardiac catheterization, I am worried about her. He asked yesterday after calling me names and screaming if I loved him because I used the past tense of love, I don’t member saying love to him! He then said if I don’t love him then what’s the point, yes it is my fault in his eyes, again. I refuse to be scared because now I know he feeds off it. He told me I was his friend and his lover and he would never go out to a bar or on a vacation without me, even insulted the guys he works with that they live near each other and go to social events together and he would never be like that, but here he is going “golfing” which is on his “bucket list” He actually used that term. That must have took at least 15 minutes of his drive home to think that one up. I could vomit in his “bucket list” He is learning to lie better, lower toned voice etc. he acts as if he has me figured out. Like with the gambling, he just didn’t tell me the amount. The bar, “I didn’t factor in the time and you are ridiculous thinking an hour when it takes that long to get to and from our house. He said he would spend a “short time” at the bar. Then I said to him “about an hour” Bar, not driving and even then I gave in due to his sister died. Oh and he used a term I had the florist put on the flowers it was something like “sister first, mother always”. He had to sound good on facebook. He throws his arm down like the king when he has to stop watching golf or football, in fact he enjoys making me wait to talk until commercials. That is easily seen. The think that made me understand that he is a sociopath was when he went back on me being his friend. That was my lightbulb moment and it hurt. Now I am in limbo, not sure what is next except like I said I have my sister to worry about and taking care of myself, I had to retire due to my spine, which reminds me, instead of saying I have a spinal cord injury which is the truth he told his daughter it was my medications that are the problem. I am not “allowed” around her by her own words because she doesn’t feel comfortable “yet” and then she skirted around the time I took getting ready and about medications. My husband was to straighten things out before this and he came home and said too many people there, on faceboook, one other person who stayed an hour. He had time to talk to them, instead he made things much worse by yes lying about me to his own daughter. He was eating wings and hanging out, facebook again, he is incapable of seeing himself for what he truly is and apparently he has told everyone in his family lies about me. I realized that because he had me convinced I talked about his daughter to a niece of his. when I brought it up she told me not to worry about it, she is sick of the gossip! So yes, it took years, I knew he lied but I didn’t know he was a sociopath until he was willing to take the one thing way I thought we had, friendship and we would enjoy vacations and going out together because friends do that. See in this clique who he claimed he did not like and would never hang around with, they are not taking their wives. It is bad, not sure what is next. I wrote him an email and was pretty civil and I was angry and crying, he is not home from work. I texted him. what is the point of being afraid. I read where the one who doesn’t care is the one who wins, well I want him to stop being a lying sociopath and I will not be called names. I was married before and he was abusive in all ways. Looks like I did it again except he is a liar, he did push me once but I flew hard into cabinets and if I would have been hurt he would have lost his job. I do not think he was concerned about my health or if I was hurt, but he has not of yet pushed or hurt me physically again. He does not want me to have an affair, he obsesses about his first wife having an affair when he was sleeping but yet they went on to have a daughter then HE had an affair after playing some strip game, not strip poker. I doubt his wife even had an affair and when I finally said so, his eyes showed, this one time, yes he lied. there is more but I am feeling angry and he will be home soon so I am going to stop. Praying for this evil to stop.

  12. Just pointing out that this is John’s Story.
    Women are more likely to be Compulsive lairs.
    Women tend to Care more about what other’s think of them than a Man does.

  13. I think my mother may be a sociopathic liar, I was looking up compulsive liar, thinking it may describe a certain behaviour that fits her own, but having read about the sociopathic liar, I feel it is more apt.

    It has, along with both of my parents abuse, and I have to say that dad has also been very dishonest with people, even though they call themselves christians, and will be in chapel later today, their lies and bullying, has almost led to my suicide, and my mother would stand by, and continue to lie, even if it did cost me my own life.

    They have both seen fit to deliberately lie to others, to give a false impression to anybody I may later talk to, paving the way, before I get to see them, my doctor, their ministers, the Farm Crisis Network, the police, they have lied to them all, with no thought for me, my reputation, or future, it all means nothing at all to them. She has also tried to hit me, and as children, she used to hit around the head so very, very, hard.
    They have also lied to the DWP for many years, about disability claims, I did wonder if telling those lies, have forced them to tell others, which I know it will have done, but even before any claim, as young children, mum would lie, to avoid taking responsibility for her actions, such as hitting a bus with a tractor and trailer, she just drove on, and would never admit it, even though both of us, her children, were riding on the top of the load, and told her what had happened.

    It is the lies she has told about myself over the last four years, that has destroyed my life, and she cares not one jot; lies have served her very well throughout her life, and lies are the first thing she turns to, and life is all about her needs, other people’s needs hold no value for her, unless their is public reward for being seen to be helpful, or caring.

    Abuse and violence is what awaits her family, whilst the most extreme charm is reserved for others, dad is exactly the same in that way, the most bizarre charm is reserved for others, and falling over themselves to help others, whilst he puts his own family through the most terrifying hell.
    Unfortunately, they are able to find people within their church, who like their charm, and encourage them.

    I found out a few years ago, that my sister had felt suicidal because of our childhood, and she sought counselling.
    I have asked my parents to stop lying about me, and think about what they are doing to my life, my work, my reputation, and relationships, but you just get yet another lie thrown at you for doing so, she makes up events, and false situations, and will not admit the things that Brett Gyllenskog has said to others, or even written, even challenged with the letters, letters she said were never written, and suggested I was making up in my mind. It is all so cruel, and all deliberate.
    I was told by my mother that they could lose the house, so I did all I could to help them, giving her many thousands, much of which was cash, as she wanted, and yet she now denies it all in front of others, she has kept no records of the money I gave her in cash.
    Mum led me to believe she had no money, and no savings, I have since found out this was not true, she has numerous savings, in ISAs, and had told me she has none at all, as she has never had any money to save – but it just wasn’t true, yet I put their needs before my own, to help them.

    I am worried that she may have implied I have been violent towards her, which just isn’t true, and as a women, she knows she will be believed, and she has very proudly told me, that “no-one will believe you,” for she knows she is the one people will believe, being a women, yet she is so deceitful, abusive, and has, at 73 years of age, only just stopped hitting me, her son, and only because I have been more outspoken about her behaviour, before, I just kept it all private from all but two of my closest friends who were going through very similar themselves.

    They have nearly cost me my life, they will be in chapel tomorrow, absorbing the encouragement from people who do not know the truth about their behaviour.

    I have been at my wits end, for just what can you do about a liar? They so often find an audience, which is exactly what they want, it boosts their bravado.

    It is shocking to know that your own parents would have stood back and let you take your own life, just to hide their own actions, but they did exactly that!

    My father tells the DWP that he can hardly walk so I have recently discovered, yet for years they have been going dancing, and have been dancing tonight – when I told my parents their hindering my work, and hindering my life, was pushing me over the edge, after asking them to help, for three years, and after writing to their Methodist minister pleading for help, who also did nothing, after telling my parents their behaviour was pushing me over the edge, my mother just snarled at me in reply, and said “people who talk about suicide, don’t do it!” walk past me, and went dancing for the evening.
    I had worked for them for nothing, to help them save the farm, I had given them more than I could afford to, to help them keep their home, and yet she has told so many lies, many of them attacking my character, and it has crushed me; she also bullies dad into lying on her behalf, and lies for him also – it is a frightening situation!

  14. My mother is a compulsive liar. There is no weight to her words, and she lies about things there is absolutely no reason to lie about. I don’t know why I still even try to trust her. She tries to manipulate me with her lies, but she is so transparent that it just hurts. She would tell my father things she made up, and blame me for things I didn’t do. My father would then beat me for it. I haven’t acknowledged his existence in many, many years.

    You know what, i wrote an essay but, all it consisted of was me rambling about how bad my life was.

    (*Edited by moderator)

  15. I find the reason for some people lying is jealousy even the smallest thing that they don’t have in order for them to join the conversation they will lie usually they will include a third party someone you don’t know so you will not know if they are a liars, but most of all they are dangerous people and should not be trusted at any cost.

  16. My father and his side of the family consist are pretty much all pathological liars. The first obvious lie(s) were made before I was even born, When my mother was pregnant with me. My mom threw a baby shower at her home at the army base my dad was stationed on at the time. When all the guests arrived, who were also army wives they revealed to my mother some shocking news. Turns out, my father the supposed green beret, who had been sent off to war was actually a military police officer who was living it up in Tennessee with God knows who. When my mother had called his mom asking for answers, she instantly backed up his story even going so far as to tell my mom that he was actually a previous owner of some big wig corporation….which turned out to be total bullsh*t, and in the end he lied about everything but his NAME. So my mom married this complete and total stranger, with whom she was to bear this child-me.

    And that’s just the beginning. Now my father may or may not be dying in the hospital due to a busted heart valve attached to his artificial heart (which he really does have). This is not the first time a life or death scare occurred on his part.
    Every scarce now and then, like today we get a phone call from my cousin reporting to us of this-yet another mishap regarding my father. This is the only time we ever hear from him or about him, otherwise he has nothing to do with his kids like myself.
    So we all freak out annually thinking he’s about to croak when really its my sociopathic psychotic aunt trying to get us all worked up for her own twisted amusement. Why? His family hates us, because of my take-no-bullsh*t mother. My father could actually care less about how any of his children feel..You don’t fall for his lies and you call him out on it he hates you by default.
    But here’s the thing, I know his health is truly failing him, I’ve seen it with my own eyes or I wouldn’t have believed it.
    So really these compulsive-pathological liars have/are really f*cking myself and my family up in a very major way.
    Word of advice: Encourage them to get help. If they don’t get help and seem steadfast in their ways, remove yourself from the situation. I’m learning the hard way, after devoting all my love and attention to someone incapable of genuine emotion. It always ends badly if they are dead set on their ways. My father will more than likely die without saying goodbye, let alone coming clean.

  17. My father is a liar. He will lie about everything no matter who it hurts. He damaged marriage and ruined my brothers relationship. Brother is also a liar and will do the same as my father. They hang out and gossip about me and my mother.

    My father committed theft upwards of 66,000 since 2012. My father stole my mothers inheritance 33,000 who lied while doing it, by saying things like “If you call the lawyers for your inheritance, you will lose a brother since he probably stole it”

    Financial abuse was his worst quality! Falsifying work credentials, forgery ( Taxes stolen ) Credit card fraud. Stole 6,000 in rent money and my mother ended up in Court. Judge and the landlord expressed my mother was not involved later, after they found the truth and proof.

    He took her healthcare money and she almost ended up in the ER. When my mother wanted to try one more time since she loved him, my father caused so much suffering, she lost her job after traveling 3000 miles to her new Job.

    She left a secure job for a new location, since my father cheated on her. She just wanted to get away and start over! Before my father left her, he stole all her money. Before leaving he said “I got a job interview at honey baked ham”. That was a lie as well. So all the stress caused her to lose work.

    There is so many lies created by him, it has poisoned this family — though he seems to not care one bit.

  18. I have social anxiety and I put my hands over my mouth. Its not because of lying, but simply because of an anxiety twitch.

  19. Where do I start?. My father is an impulsive liar. I am from a big catholic family 8 kids. We had a hard upbringing eg poor and got lied to and beaten on a daily basic. It wasn’t just a smack it was more like get hit with a pole and brake your collar bone beating. My brother and I Left as soon as we could 16 other sisters left home at 13, 16, 16. They all do not talk to them. So we my brother have kind of started to have a better relationship over a common interest as he is a welder and we are building a trailer its has been two months of excuses every time there is another reason why not. My question is do we just have no contact with him ever again? PS yes we were paying him and paid upfront

  20. Sounds like you all have more experience with this than I do so I ask for genuine advice. To give some background my ex is a liar but somewhere between persistent liar with low morals and narcissistic which turned to abusive and inevitable break up. We have children together and I am doing my best to see them maintain a healthy relationship with their father, they are only early school year age.

    My problem is every boundary we set or agreement we make, regarding the children, he thinks can be broken and lied about until caught. Everything from what they ate that day, to why he was late (covering himself type) to where they intend to go, what time they will return, how they will get there (more concerning as a parent). Most recently telling the children to lie also with the added “because mom will be cross”, which the eldest found naturally very emotionally difficult and broke down to me with the shame and weight of it.
    They love their father dearly and if I could trust him I would have no problem with the time they spend together but as I speak today I have ceased visits at least until I work out how to be sure the kids are safe and I’m not being deceived as to their whereabouts. Is there any advice you can give for getting a liar to see that some things cannot be lied about? Or understanding that teaching your kids to lie is bad parenting?

  21. I’ve recently come to accept that my father is a pathological liar. It’s something I’ve fought against for my many years, never wanting to accept or believe, because it’s really hard. Especially when your dad is your hero.

    But after his lying and explosive and screaming personality destroyed my three year relationship, sent me on a year long waste of my time working for his con artist friend, and he’s attempted to screw me out of $17,000, I’ve angrily acknowledged it. It’s just so disappointing.

    He lies about things big and small, and it’s eroded our once good father-son relationship to nothing. I spent years of my life listening to his advice, believing his stories, and generally following what he said. It’s hard to realize what a mistake that was, but it’s necessary.

    The money was the last straw. After borrowing $17,000 from me when I was 18 years old and taking out my first car loan (he tacked the extra money onto it, literally maxing out what I could borrow) he told me he’d pay me back in 6 months, and that his company for which I worked just needed a brief cash injection. Being a nieve 18 year old who looked up to his dad, I agreed.

    But after not being paid back in over a year, I asked him when I could expect it back again. “A few months, I’ll get it soon.” This continued for the next 7 years, never being paid back. Finally, after we flipped some vehicles together (I did all of the work, he contributed nothing, like usual) I informed him I’d be lowering what I take back to 15 and would be taking it out of the vehicles we sold. He exploded. Lied and said he’d paid me that money back (he never did) and used things like living at his house rent free as a teenager, buying groceries, and family vacations from 7 years ago as justification for not paying me back, as he’d paid through these means. He attacked me, called me a liar, said I was screwing my own dad, made baseless personal attacks, and attempted every way he could to try to shame me and manipulate me into listening to him. That was the last straw.

    I can’t stand to even see the man at this point. He’s narcissistic and manipulative. Everything he does is with the aim of gaining control over someone. He always acts like he’s generous to others, inviting them to events and social gatherings at his house where he provides all the food, booze, etc, but it’s never out of generosity. He does these things so he can hold it over their heads at a later date when he wants something from them.

    He also loves to gossip about others and create drama and fights. This is what lead to destruction of my three year relationship, which has left me utterly heartbroken.

    And he bullheadedly wants my brother and I to follow & believe everything he does. He convinced me to not attend post secondary after high school so I could go to work for his business (at a salary approximately 50% less than industry average, so he could sit at home and do nothing). After the business closed, and I worked for his conman friend who ripped me off, I decided that I need to go to university and pursue a career I’m more passionate about. Even now, he’s still trying to convince me to not take what I want in university, but instead run his new business he wants to start and take night classes in an entirely different subject. I’m so angry, and yet so sad. Sorry for the absolute mess of a rant, but I just wanted to get it off my chest with some like minded people. Thank you.

  22. Lack of eye contact and stuttering are also symptoms of anxiety or basic shyness! I hate that people think shy people are sinister because of the western cultural norm of requiring direct eye contact (which is considered intimidation and/or rudeness in other parts of the world, and also the norm in the animal world). Gives shy people a bad rap for no good reason.

    The best way to oust a liar is to have them give you evidence of their wild claims. If something they say seems off, uncanny, or worse they have made claims before that don’t add up – they are probably lying. Get evidence, get sources, think critically.

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