One of the worst possible things that I ever could have realized was the possibility that my wife was indeed a compulsive liar.
I am not talking about the types of lies that people tell in order to keep from hurting someone’s feelings, but instead the type of lying that causes irreparable damage to a marriage, or to any other type of relationship for that matter.
The first time that I caught her lying I brushed it off and thought little of it, chalking it up to her simply trying to prevent some of our friends from knowing how difficult things really were at home sometimes.
We were both just graduating from college and things were difficult financially. Some of our friends had a lot more money than we did and I thought that she was embarrassed. That was understandable enough. Of course, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make things worse and embarrass her even more.
However, over the years I noticed a pattern. My wife would tell me that she was going one place and then she would end up somewhere else or she would tell me that she was having dinner with a friend that she hadn’t seen in years and I would later find that she hadn’t had any contact with that person whatsoever for more than a decade.
It was something that I really didn’t want to admit could potentially be a problem and as a result I had a tendency to brush everything under the rug and hope that I was simply overreacting. Over time, this became more and more difficult and I was eventually forced to confront her about her lying.
After a lot of investigation I found out that my wife had a tendency to lie about almost everything. She would tell friends that were not closely familiar with the family things that were completely different from reality and then she would come home and tell us stories about her friends that never happened.
When it was all said and done, it seemed that my wife had lied about everything from who she was friends with to how much money we made to where she was from. I slowly began to realize that there was a possibility that she was a compulsive liar.
How do you recognize a compulsive liar?
The signs can be difficult to pick up on, especially for someone who is good at it and most compulsive liars are exactly that. However, people that lie eventually trip themselves up and this is usually how compulsive liars are first found out.
Small variances in stories that they are telling you often simply do not add up. An inability to explain things anytime that someone catches them in a lie is another indication. Many compulsive liars have a tendency to weave a web of lies that they eventually cannot keep up with because it becomes impossible to remember what they have told to whom.
If you notice any of these things in your wife, you may want to consider the same fact that I had to consider and realized that compulsive lying may be the problem. It is also important to remember that there are many reasons that a person may be a compulsive liar and it is vitally important to get to the bottom of those reasons in order to find out if a relationship can be saved and what can be done to remedy the situation.
The worst thing you can do is ignore it because it will not go away.