One of the worst possible things that I ever could have realized was the possibility that my wife was indeed a compulsive liar.
I am not talking about the types of lies that people tell in order to keep from hurting someone’s feelings, but instead the type of lying that causes irreparable damage to a marriage, or to any other type of relationship for that matter.
The first time that I caught her lying I brushed it off and thought little of it, chalking it up to her simply trying to prevent some of our friends from knowing how difficult things really were at home sometimes.
We were both just graduating from college and things were difficult financially. Some of our friends had a lot more money than we did and I thought that she was embarrassed. That was understandable enough. Of course, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make things worse and embarrass her even more.
However, over the years I noticed a pattern. My wife would tell me that she was going one place and then she would end up somewhere else or she would tell me that she was having dinner with a friend that she hadn’t seen in years and I would later find that she hadn’t had any contact with that person whatsoever for more than a decade.
It was something that I really didn’t want to admit could potentially be a problem and as a result I had a tendency to brush everything under the rug and hope that I was simply overreacting. Over time, this became more and more difficult and I was eventually forced to confront her about her lying.
After a lot of investigation I found out that my wife had a tendency to lie about almost everything. She would tell friends that were not closely familiar with the family things that were completely different from reality and then she would come home and tell us stories about her friends that never happened.
When it was all said and done, it seemed that my wife had lied about everything from who she was friends with to how much money we made to where she was from. I slowly began to realize that there was a possibility that she was a compulsive liar.
How do you recognize a compulsive liar?
The signs can be difficult to pick up on, especially for someone who is good at it and most compulsive liars are exactly that. However, people that lie eventually trip themselves up and this is usually how compulsive liars are first found out.
Small variances in stories that they are telling you often simply do not add up. An inability to explain things anytime that someone catches them in a lie is another indication. Many compulsive liars have a tendency to weave a web of lies that they eventually cannot keep up with because it becomes impossible to remember what they have told to whom.
If you notice any of these things in your wife, you may want to consider the same fact that I had to consider and realized that compulsive lying may be the problem. It is also important to remember that there are many reasons that a person may be a compulsive liar and it is vitally important to get to the bottom of those reasons in order to find out if a relationship can be saved and what can be done to remedy the situation.
The worst thing you can do is ignore it because it will not go away.
Kathie Lynnbag
Monday 19th of February 2018
My husband and I have been married 3 years. We have a two year old daughter together. He is a great father but not so good husband. Found out he was cheating the entire time I was pregnant because i got his phone hacked with the help of [BIRDEYE dot HACK at GMAIL dot COM]. When I found out, it stopped. Months later I found out he was still cheating on me with women on facebook because i still had access to his phone! Then i stopped trusting him. I do love him and I wish it could work so does he. I just don’t feel in my heart it won’t ever work.
Secret
Wednesday 18th of October 2017
I have known for a very long time that the truth was sometimes just not going to come out. My wife lies a lot. I have gotten to the point that I am numb to it. Last spring she said she had a meeting and she was spending the night there because it was to far to drive home after. She left me a text saying she had arrived and was going to have drinks with friends. I tried to call her a little later and then several times through the night. .NO answer. The next day she tells me she didn't make it all the way to her destination because she was I'll and stayed half way there. I showed her the text she sent me and she says she doesn't remember. Cheating? Most definitely! First time absolutely not. So what do I do. This is just one lie. They are too numerous to mention.
Javed
Friday 8th of September 2017
Just found out my wife is a compulsive liar also. I don't think she has any control over it either. She lies about any and everything. One of the biggest lies she told was to her boss and coworkers about who her mother was. I didnt know this until I did a surprise engagement dinner in which I invited her boss and his wife. I was wondering why she so was not only shocked but extremely nervous. So the next day she came clean after her boss and his wife confronted her about it. I have so many situations that she lied about, its ridiculous. We have two beautiful daughters. 4&3. I don't trust any she tells me and I don't know if this is curable at all.
Paul
Saturday 7th of October 2017
Is this actually a recognised syndrome which can be corrected with therapy? My wife is also a compulsive liar, not really big stuff, but regular stupid things. This morning I went into the bathroom after my wife had been in there cleaning her teeth, I saw my toothbrush was in the sink, it was wet like I t had been used, I asked her if she’d just used it and she denyed it, I knew she had, all the rest were dry. When I pressed her on it she’d follow up with another more elaborate excuse rather than just tell the truth. This is just one of hundreds of examples. It’s massively effected our relationship, like many in these threads the basis of trust a relationship is built on has gone. I simply don’t understand it,maybe it’s from childhood. I find it weird and disturbing, I wish there was a pill she could take to stop her compulsion to lie. It will inevitably cause us to split, which is very sad with two lovely boys.
Drew
Friday 18th of November 2016
My wife is a compulsive liar also. Its hard because we have a child . we were together for 6 years. I recently kicked her out of the house to stay with her parents. I work all the time so my son has to stay at her parents place too mostly. I take him whenever I can. He is 1 hour away so I don't get the time to see him everyday. If anyone wants to talk. Having a hard time.thanks.
Keith
Tuesday 15th of December 2015
My sister is a pathogical liar. She told everyone for several years that she had breast cancer to get sympathy. She got put on the prayer chain at her church. When my mother and I asked for paperwork from her doctor, she never could show us anything. Her husband never went to any of her appointments either. We have been estranged from her for over 18 months now after she publicly embarrassed our entire family at my grandmother's funeral. Now she wants to reconcile with my mother and I. We told her point blank to either prove she had cancer or admit to the lie or no future contact. She has yet to respond.
J. CLIFFORD
Friday 4th of March 2016
Keith - Look at the list (top right - What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?) to find my contributions to these page. You will see that I have had considerable painful experience. Your sister will NEVER respond to you simply because incurable compulsive liars have a built in strategy "Admit nothing - Deny everything." You asked her to prove??? NEVER! Even when YOU can provide proof of her lies compulsive liars will refuse to accept those proofs and, instead, will make YOU an evil person for having even obtained documented proofs! In my own case - "Don't talk about that because I could say a few things about YOU!" It's rather clear that what my own wife could say about me would be based upon the lies that SHE has told about me!