I’m fairly certain my boyfriend of two years is a compulsive liar. Two days ago, he had a breakdown and confessed to me that almost everything he told me about his past was a lie. From going to college at all, to his fancy Porsche and his father being a Marine. He has had substance abuse problems in the past, and has been Sober for 3 years on the 22nd of December. He lies to everyone, not just myself, but his friends, acquaintances, and my family. It’s all happening so suddenly, and I don’t know how to process this information. I don’t want to leave him, but I also don’t want to question everything he says, wondering if it’s a fabrication. Any advice or information on handling a relationship with a compulsive liar would be great. Thanks.
I hope your relationship with him is better by now, nonetheless I feel that I can share something on this from a personal experience.
Up until three years ago, at age 26, I’ve lived as a liar, can’t tell which kind, but to a great extent sounding like your partner. I’ve lied about many things in my life to specific people, I lived multiple lives, one with co-workers, one with family, with different groups of friends, and one with my first serious gf.
After not so long therapy (not so good experience), I managed to recognize the problem in a way that was alien to my line of reasoning but made complete sense, since of course I myself like anyone has met liars, and maybe I’ll never understand their real reasons for lying but the feeling I’ve always had towards liars and lying is uncomfortable, very uncomfortable sometimes, so I, as a liar must soon enough consider the others perception of me as a person and from where the common negativity come to be in my different relationships. I found out why lying is unnecessary and moreover selfish, just attempts of destruction to oneself and those around him.
But until this day, some people’s reaction back then to my situation is beyond repair, mostly their reaction was too negative, one can’t help but be defensive with that sort of reaction, close relationships in specific must be embodied with real feelings and less selfishness. We need to recognize if someone close is suffering from lying habit, and try to help rather than shock, I hope you understand what I’m trying to say here.
My favorite reaction to my lies was from one of my close relationships, the way he exposes me is so effective and diverse almost like living a comedy sketch with this guy, blunt about pointing out the lie but friendly, that turns into either a joke or a lesson, though, I can see that’s due to his personality, he didn’t work hard to develop such reaction to lies, but I can learn from him that mostly, he’s just being patient, his patience didn’t seem to be that from torment, rather, an instrument of comfort comes with sincere patience.
I need help NOW! I’m sick of lying everyone with no reason! I don’t know how I got to this condition but I can’t take it anymore. Please, if you know a way of self healing or a daily routine/exercise/whatever to stop doing this disgusting thing, let me know!
I’ve recently just admitted to myself that I have a big problem with lying. It got so bad that I didn’t even know I was lying, and I had lied so much I created different realities for myself and I didn’t know. They are really deeply rooted. I took a vow under God not to lie again. I have made it through one day of not lying. I have gone to seek help and I have to wait until after the new year to even set up an appt. to talk to anyone. I would like some advice on how to cope and handle the desire to lie about everything in my life so I can develop a habit of not lying now.
Hello, I know that I am a compulsive liar and am ready to start getting some help. I just don’t know what type of therapist or psychologist to go to … there are so many and just wanted to know if you could make any suggestions. Thank you …
I lie everyday, even about the smallest of things. I don’t want to do this any more. I have been doing it for years and it has got worse and worse and I have finally admitted it for the first time this year.
I lie about who I am, where I am from what I do. But I don’t know why. I am not a bad person, who I am and where I am from is not bad and I like my job, I am not bad at it either.
Please point me in the right direction to get help. I don’t want to hurt anyone with my lies and I don’t want people to only see this lying bad side of me, I want people to know me and like me for who I am. Any advice or help would be appreciated.
Hi Madeleine,
What you wrote hit a note with me. Like you I am in effect doing well- i am writing my phd and i have never had trouble dating or anything that could logically explain my lying- Some petty- some serious. I know I am smart girl – and all i can figure is that somewhere i must have a developed a good deal of self shame or somewhere have become convinced to cover any potential inadequacy. Studies actually show that what is learned in childhood is terribly difficult to unlearn as an adult – however unrational you know it is as an adult. Children don’t have the capacity (literally higher brain order regions haven’t developed yet) to interpret situations adequately. And I have reasoned it – maybe similar things apply to you- it is the result of my perfectionistic type personality, and i my case an overly persimistic, cautionary, depressed mother, and from my environment — approval only ever came after the fact- but believing in me wasn’t really ever there. So I tried to put that to bed, which required me to change the dynamic with my parents – to the degree that is possible (long way to go)- my mother takes no responsibility and goes to great lengths to convince me (likely more to convince herself of no partition) its all to do with my personality. I don’t believe- regardless of our personality – that children are born with unkind ideas towards themselves. However, there is no point to dwelling on past- because its unchangeable, so I am trying, and this is the really tricky one – to forgive myself for having learned to be so unkind to myself and that i made the choice to swim rather than sink. Somewhere, I choose to take to world head on and conformed reality to have the best chance of being accepted, its a fighting instinct, but it is at the cost of our own identity- and i made the mistake to think there was no other way. Its an old habit, this fear is so stringent because i never walked the other way. I don’t trust other people to love me well even when i know rationally that there are people that do. I have tried for the past years to change this – something so simple forgive and be kind to yourself and i don’t know how. I am hoping that it slowly becomes less but sometimes i think i won’t ever unlearn this. If you found something that works let me know, because i am tired of it all- likely as much as you…
I think a connection with what ever God you be leave in would be a step in the right direction. Secondly trying to help victims that where close to you which will take time. Along with helping other you recognize along the way will be the best start. This is just my perception
I can’t stop lying. I lie about everything. My friends know when I am lying but I always feel like I need to be involved in what they are saying so I make up stories that can involve me some way.
How do I stop?
I have this problem too. I will try the suggestion of telling 1 truth then move on
from there. I do need help. Most of the time I lie without thinking about it.
Other times I lie to prevent someone from finding out something that’s embarrassing to answer truthfully. They may know that’s why they’re asking but I still won’t tell the truth because it’s still difficult to accept the answer
Why are the alleged “mythomania” and “pseudologia fantastica” not listed anywhere in the National Institute of Mental Health’s database? (I recognize and am aware that it is not in the DSM-IV but these two terms should at least be tied to something in the NIMH database as a whole) And furthermore why does this site not require it’s article writers to cite their sources of information, and if they’re trained and/or qualified to give serious advice on the subjects they write about without proper citation of their “facts” then why aren’t those qualifications listed? As it stands while an individual article on this site can be deemed helpful and truthful through further investigation elsewhere, this site can NOT be trusted as a whole and does NOT stand on its own. If you believe you’re suffering from compulsive/pathological lying disorder then please seek PROFESSIONAL help from a CERTIFIED psychologist.
Hi, I know my boyfriend for 2 years is a compulsive liar, he has never admitted it. Whenever I seem to catch him out..we just seem to argue..and it become my fault..I am only 20 years old and now I let the lies fly straight over my head as it is not worth the arguement, but our relationship shouldnt be like that, I should always address the lies to stop them from happening, he will acuse me of lying (when I dont) Is this because he knows he lies?…Well I personally thinks he does not, I have had private conversations with his father who says he has been doing it for the last 6 years, he told me that all 3 other my partners relationships had ended because of his lying, you would think that he would learn and not lie anymore, this is why I believe that it is compulsive, so much that he doesnt know what real anymore.
As stated earlier on, I do not address the issues with him anymore as he will not accept he is lying, I want to be with him, because hes lovley when hes not lying, but its going to get to the point that we will no longer be together, and I dont only want to get him help for us, but I want him to get help for himself..because if me and him are not together (in however long) he will end up in the same position with all of his future partners as everyone will notice. Even my mum has noticed and she brings it up all the time, and now i am starting to have to lie to cover up his stupid lies that no-one will believe.
Is there any help you can offer me? Or any advice you can give me? does he have to accept that he is a liar before we go any further?
I have been married to a compulsive liar for two years. I didn`t find out that he was suffered from this disorder and when I did we went to counselling. He did go several times and told me that he started by not lying to me first. I tried to believe him but it seemed that I questioned everything.
He seemed to have little respect for things. For example I made him lunch to take to work with him only to see that he had thrown it to the side of the porch. When I confronted him with it he said it must have fallen out somehow which it didn`t.
It was as though I was never certain of my grounding because everything was so unsure. I started resenting him and wondered about everything even though he told me that he did not lie. I would catch little things here and there and wonder. And that is exactly what I did, wonder, all the time
We started fighting, and I thought I was so mean cause I would initiate the argument sometimes because I felt I cheated in a way. The fights escalated until I could no longer stand him, and I wanted to love him! I was never grounded! Of course I mean I shared the blame too.
I would ask for proof but the proof looked sketchy too.
So he left the other day to go and find God, only to find out that he went to see another woman.
And the first thing she said (she had the nerve to contact me) that she felt creepy around him, that he seemed strange, but, then just newly separated she chose my husband, both Christians by the way. He lied to her and told her I left 7 months ago. I was still at home! He also told her he owned 4 houses, and two cars, that he went to Cuba with friends, but it was his previous wife. He didn`t tell her about this one until I confronted her.
What I wonder now is, did he really stop lying to me and, now he started again. My heart breaks cause did love him.
Hi, my name is Ham and I just can’t help but lie to the people I love. My wife left me once already (20 years of marriage)because I always took advantage of her good and honest nature, I’d lie about the smallest things & I love to twist & turn arguments onto other people till their blue in the face,even though deep down inside I know I’m wrong! I find it so hard to admit I’m in the wrong & rather blame others, even my young children sometimes. The truth hurts when I called a liar and I’m so in denial. I’m very manipulative and want things my way & would go any lengths to get it my way.
Please help me as I’m desperately need help with my lying disorder, before it’s too late as my wife says she will leave me for good this time for a honest man.
I repeatedly find myself doing things I should not be doing knowing it will upset my partner and I lie by omission or lie altogether which has destroyed my relationships . I can’t understand my behavior or control it.
I also suffer from compulsive lying. I try hard to stick to the truth . But every day i end up saying the stupidest of lies and when i am caught, i try to counter with more lies. Yesterday i hurt my best friend. She knows everytying and yet i chose to lie about something and this time i think i lost her. Please i need help. I need someone to believe me. I dont know what to do.. I cannot stop the lies but i want to.
Something I did years ago was wrong. So, I lie and it’s the exact opposite of what I really did. I am afraid if being judged. Plus, I never can forgive myself. I told at least 80 people the same lie. Now it’s 20 years later. I can never admit the truth.
Why is nothing done about these liars, destroying and ruining the lives of others! Why are they not locked away like the criminals they are?!?! Why does the law do nothing and even therapists tell the victims they are ill!!!! Wtf!!!
Alex
Was that a real life story about your wife. Are was it a way to explain to husbands what to look for in there partners .Any way if it was your life My heart goes out to you, And to all the people on this site. May there be a special place with Jesus in heaven for all of you and those whom afflicted this upon us. I to know the terrible wrenching feeling of being deceived by some one whom we shared our life feeling and dreams with. What is so hard about it ,Is that I still love her and am torn between running or helping. Thanks Kenny
I’m suffering from compulsive lying disorders. Kindly help me out.
I am too.. How do I stop?
I’m fairly certain my boyfriend of two years is a compulsive liar. Two days ago, he had a breakdown and confessed to me that almost everything he told me about his past was a lie. From going to college at all, to his fancy Porsche and his father being a Marine. He has had substance abuse problems in the past, and has been Sober for 3 years on the 22nd of December. He lies to everyone, not just myself, but his friends, acquaintances, and my family. It’s all happening so suddenly, and I don’t know how to process this information. I don’t want to leave him, but I also don’t want to question everything he says, wondering if it’s a fabrication. Any advice or information on handling a relationship with a compulsive liar would be great. Thanks.
I hope your relationship with him is better by now, nonetheless I feel that I can share something on this from a personal experience.
Up until three years ago, at age 26, I’ve lived as a liar, can’t tell which kind, but to a great extent sounding like your partner. I’ve lied about many things in my life to specific people, I lived multiple lives, one with co-workers, one with family, with different groups of friends, and one with my first serious gf.
After not so long therapy (not so good experience), I managed to recognize the problem in a way that was alien to my line of reasoning but made complete sense, since of course I myself like anyone has met liars, and maybe I’ll never understand their real reasons for lying but the feeling I’ve always had towards liars and lying is uncomfortable, very uncomfortable sometimes, so I, as a liar must soon enough consider the others perception of me as a person and from where the common negativity come to be in my different relationships. I found out why lying is unnecessary and moreover selfish, just attempts of destruction to oneself and those around him.
But until this day, some people’s reaction back then to my situation is beyond repair, mostly their reaction was too negative, one can’t help but be defensive with that sort of reaction, close relationships in specific must be embodied with real feelings and less selfishness. We need to recognize if someone close is suffering from lying habit, and try to help rather than shock, I hope you understand what I’m trying to say here.
My favorite reaction to my lies was from one of my close relationships, the way he exposes me is so effective and diverse almost like living a comedy sketch with this guy, blunt about pointing out the lie but friendly, that turns into either a joke or a lesson, though, I can see that’s due to his personality, he didn’t work hard to develop such reaction to lies, but I can learn from him that mostly, he’s just being patient, his patience didn’t seem to be that from torment, rather, an instrument of comfort comes with sincere patience.
I need help NOW! I’m sick of lying everyone with no reason! I don’t know how I got to this condition but I can’t take it anymore. Please, if you know a way of self healing or a daily routine/exercise/whatever to stop doing this disgusting thing, let me know!
I’ve recently just admitted to myself that I have a big problem with lying. It got so bad that I didn’t even know I was lying, and I had lied so much I created different realities for myself and I didn’t know. They are really deeply rooted. I took a vow under God not to lie again. I have made it through one day of not lying. I have gone to seek help and I have to wait until after the new year to even set up an appt. to talk to anyone. I would like some advice on how to cope and handle the desire to lie about everything in my life so I can develop a habit of not lying now.
Hello, I know that I am a compulsive liar and am ready to start getting some help. I just don’t know what type of therapist or psychologist to go to … there are so many and just wanted to know if you could make any suggestions. Thank you …
I lie everyday, even about the smallest of things. I don’t want to do this any more. I have been doing it for years and it has got worse and worse and I have finally admitted it for the first time this year.
I lie about who I am, where I am from what I do. But I don’t know why. I am not a bad person, who I am and where I am from is not bad and I like my job, I am not bad at it either.
Please point me in the right direction to get help. I don’t want to hurt anyone with my lies and I don’t want people to only see this lying bad side of me, I want people to know me and like me for who I am. Any advice or help would be appreciated.
Kind regards madeline james
Hi Madeleine,
What you wrote hit a note with me. Like you I am in effect doing well- i am writing my phd and i have never had trouble dating or anything that could logically explain my lying- Some petty- some serious. I know I am smart girl – and all i can figure is that somewhere i must have a developed a good deal of self shame or somewhere have become convinced to cover any potential inadequacy. Studies actually show that what is learned in childhood is terribly difficult to unlearn as an adult – however unrational you know it is as an adult. Children don’t have the capacity (literally higher brain order regions haven’t developed yet) to interpret situations adequately. And I have reasoned it – maybe similar things apply to you- it is the result of my perfectionistic type personality, and i my case an overly persimistic, cautionary, depressed mother, and from my environment — approval only ever came after the fact- but believing in me wasn’t really ever there. So I tried to put that to bed, which required me to change the dynamic with my parents – to the degree that is possible (long way to go)- my mother takes no responsibility and goes to great lengths to convince me (likely more to convince herself of no partition) its all to do with my personality. I don’t believe- regardless of our personality – that children are born with unkind ideas towards themselves. However, there is no point to dwelling on past- because its unchangeable, so I am trying, and this is the really tricky one – to forgive myself for having learned to be so unkind to myself and that i made the choice to swim rather than sink. Somewhere, I choose to take to world head on and conformed reality to have the best chance of being accepted, its a fighting instinct, but it is at the cost of our own identity- and i made the mistake to think there was no other way. Its an old habit, this fear is so stringent because i never walked the other way. I don’t trust other people to love me well even when i know rationally that there are people that do. I have tried for the past years to change this – something so simple forgive and be kind to yourself and i don’t know how. I am hoping that it slowly becomes less but sometimes i think i won’t ever unlearn this. If you found something that works let me know, because i am tired of it all- likely as much as you…
I think a connection with what ever God you be leave in would be a step in the right direction. Secondly trying to help victims that where close to you which will take time. Along with helping other you recognize along the way will be the best start. This is just my perception
I can’t stop lying. I lie about everything. My friends know when I am lying but I always feel like I need to be involved in what they are saying so I make up stories that can involve me some way.
How do I stop?
Please can someone help me? I can’t stop lying.
help i cannot stop lying or cheating
I have this problem too. I will try the suggestion of telling 1 truth then move on
from there. I do need help. Most of the time I lie without thinking about it.
Other times I lie to prevent someone from finding out something that’s embarrassing to answer truthfully. They may know that’s why they’re asking but I still won’t tell the truth because it’s still difficult to accept the answer
Why are the alleged “mythomania” and “pseudologia fantastica” not listed anywhere in the National Institute of Mental Health’s database? (I recognize and am aware that it is not in the DSM-IV but these two terms should at least be tied to something in the NIMH database as a whole) And furthermore why does this site not require it’s article writers to cite their sources of information, and if they’re trained and/or qualified to give serious advice on the subjects they write about without proper citation of their “facts” then why aren’t those qualifications listed? As it stands while an individual article on this site can be deemed helpful and truthful through further investigation elsewhere, this site can NOT be trusted as a whole and does NOT stand on its own. If you believe you’re suffering from compulsive/pathological lying disorder then please seek PROFESSIONAL help from a CERTIFIED psychologist.
I am a compulsive liar and thief. Can you please help? I have not been able to help myself. Thank you.
Hi, I know my boyfriend for 2 years is a compulsive liar, he has never admitted it. Whenever I seem to catch him out..we just seem to argue..and it become my fault..I am only 20 years old and now I let the lies fly straight over my head as it is not worth the arguement, but our relationship shouldnt be like that, I should always address the lies to stop them from happening, he will acuse me of lying (when I dont) Is this because he knows he lies?…Well I personally thinks he does not, I have had private conversations with his father who says he has been doing it for the last 6 years, he told me that all 3 other my partners relationships had ended because of his lying, you would think that he would learn and not lie anymore, this is why I believe that it is compulsive, so much that he doesnt know what real anymore.
As stated earlier on, I do not address the issues with him anymore as he will not accept he is lying, I want to be with him, because hes lovley when hes not lying, but its going to get to the point that we will no longer be together, and I dont only want to get him help for us, but I want him to get help for himself..because if me and him are not together (in however long) he will end up in the same position with all of his future partners as everyone will notice. Even my mum has noticed and she brings it up all the time, and now i am starting to have to lie to cover up his stupid lies that no-one will believe.
Is there any help you can offer me? Or any advice you can give me? does he have to accept that he is a liar before we go any further?
I have lost the man of my dreams due to this disorder… HELP ME… I need to stop.
Hello,
I have been married to a compulsive liar for two years. I didn`t find out that he was suffered from this disorder and when I did we went to counselling. He did go several times and told me that he started by not lying to me first. I tried to believe him but it seemed that I questioned everything.
He seemed to have little respect for things. For example I made him lunch to take to work with him only to see that he had thrown it to the side of the porch. When I confronted him with it he said it must have fallen out somehow which it didn`t.
It was as though I was never certain of my grounding because everything was so unsure. I started resenting him and wondered about everything even though he told me that he did not lie. I would catch little things here and there and wonder. And that is exactly what I did, wonder, all the time
We started fighting, and I thought I was so mean cause I would initiate the argument sometimes because I felt I cheated in a way. The fights escalated until I could no longer stand him, and I wanted to love him! I was never grounded! Of course I mean I shared the blame too.
I would ask for proof but the proof looked sketchy too.
So he left the other day to go and find God, only to find out that he went to see another woman.
And the first thing she said (she had the nerve to contact me) that she felt creepy around him, that he seemed strange, but, then just newly separated she chose my husband, both Christians by the way. He lied to her and told her I left 7 months ago. I was still at home! He also told her he owned 4 houses, and two cars, that he went to Cuba with friends, but it was his previous wife. He didn`t tell her about this one until I confronted her.
What I wonder now is, did he really stop lying to me and, now he started again. My heart breaks cause did love him.
Hi, my name is Ham and I just can’t help but lie to the people I love. My wife left me once already (20 years of marriage)because I always took advantage of her good and honest nature, I’d lie about the smallest things & I love to twist & turn arguments onto other people till their blue in the face,even though deep down inside I know I’m wrong! I find it so hard to admit I’m in the wrong & rather blame others, even my young children sometimes. The truth hurts when I called a liar and I’m so in denial. I’m very manipulative and want things my way & would go any lengths to get it my way.
Please help me as I’m desperately need help with my lying disorder, before it’s too late as my wife says she will leave me for good this time for a honest man.
Many thanks
Ham
Please help
I repeatedly find myself doing things I should not be doing knowing it will upset my partner and I lie by omission or lie altogether which has destroyed my relationships . I can’t understand my behavior or control it.
Help to stop lying
I also suffer from compulsive lying. I try hard to stick to the truth . But every day i end up saying the stupidest of lies and when i am caught, i try to counter with more lies. Yesterday i hurt my best friend. She knows everytying and yet i chose to lie about something and this time i think i lost her. Please i need help. I need someone to believe me. I dont know what to do.. I cannot stop the lies but i want to.
Please help I am dying from the lies. They are taking over my life. I am about to loose my fiance and family. Please assist me. I want to stop lying
Something I did years ago was wrong. So, I lie and it’s the exact opposite of what I really did. I am afraid if being judged. Plus, I never can forgive myself. I told at least 80 people the same lie. Now it’s 20 years later. I can never admit the truth.
Why is nothing done about these liars, destroying and ruining the lives of others! Why are they not locked away like the criminals they are?!?! Why does the law do nothing and even therapists tell the victims they are ill!!!! Wtf!!!
I can’t stop lying to my wife!!
I think I do it for her attention or to hurt her!!
Please help me
Alex
Was that a real life story about your wife. Are was it a way to explain to husbands what to look for in there partners .Any way if it was your life My heart goes out to you, And to all the people on this site. May there be a special place with Jesus in heaven for all of you and those whom afflicted this upon us. I to know the terrible wrenching feeling of being deceived by some one whom we shared our life feeling and dreams with. What is so hard about it ,Is that I still love her and am torn between running or helping. Thanks Kenny
can you give a example of red lie?
How do I stop lying and admit I lied