Ideally, a relationship should be built on trust, respect and honesty. Keeping important things to yourself and not sharing it with your partner might eventually ruin your relationship.
There is such a thing as being a compulsive liar. If you are in a relationship and you love your partner too much to let him or her go, then you might want to take a look at the signs and reasons behind being a compulsive liar:
This bad habit can stem from having a very low self-confidence.
There are several reasons why one would compulsively or deliberately lie.
One of which is having a low self-esteem. If you do not love yourself enough, then you can never love anyone else completely and selflessly.
Having a low self-esteem can later on lead to compulsive lying.
Take this as an example. A man who had a humiliating childhood experience or comes from a broken family is ashamed of his family background.
Before he finally reaches adulthood, he is at a very awkward stage where it takes very little to wound his fragile ego.
As a result, he makes up stories about his family background, and lies about himself.
Once he sees that his stories are weaving magic on other people and the stories make them like him, what is the result?
He will keep on weaving lies, and this habit he will take with him until he grows into a mature adult.
People with this complex never think that they are, nor will they ever be, as good as the people around them. In the above example, once the boy turns out into a man and he is at a stage where he begins to have relationships, guess what will happen?
Instead of breaking the chain and finding ways to stop the habit, he will keep on lying to keep a women interested.
In the end, he may never have a stable relationship because the truth about him will come out eventually.
What if my husband IS a compulsive liar?
If you are a women with a husband who is a compulsive liar, there is a very high probability that you will get hurt in the process. Once you find out about the web of lies that he told, will you still find it in your heart to forgive him?
Unfortunately, having a relationship with a compulsive liar is quite harmful to other people’s feelings.
Compulsive liars cannot help lying ‘even to their loved ones’ and if you have a husband with this condition and he does not want to seek help, then you are at a crossroads.
As heart-wrenching as it is to let go of somebody you love with this kind of situation, you have no choice but to let go. Otherwise, you are just letting yourself in for more heartbreak.
Compulsive liar sign #1: I am afraid to face the truth.
A compulsive liar feels that it is but natural to lie, so he is actually afraid of facing up to facts. He is always in denial. He wants to believe the lies that she made up, so much so that she sometimes believe it to be true. In fact, he wants it to be the truth.
Usually, compulsive liars develop this habit at an early age and it is carried on to their adulthood.
Compulsive liar sign #2: My lies are better than your truth.
Compulsive liars usually experience jealousy and fear towards other people.
He will also feel that since they are so used to lying, they can easily see through the deceit of other people. Thus, they show an air of authority, and they think that other people will never see through their lies.
This develops into a vicious cycle that is even more destructive for the person with this complex, and will surely affect the people around him.
Compulsive liar sign #3: I lie for my own purposes.
This statement is actually a lie by itself because compulsive liars can lie for any reason at all, even if they would not gain anything from it.
The habit of lying has become deeply indebted in their system that they cannot escape from it.
Compulsive Lying: The Cure
The cure for compulsive lying depends on the person. If you are in a relationship with someone who is a compulsive liar, ask yourself, is he worth saving? The answer is, of course! Any person who wants to be cured of the compulsion to lie is worth saving.
The key is that he should want to change and do away with this habit. With some professional advise, some help from you and your loved ones, then you can take the first step to curing your husband of compulsive lying.
well, it would appear that my husband/fiance is a compulsive liar…..two years and its just starting to come out now.
the lies or stories range from silly exagerated lies….to big massive life changing lies.
everything is catch 22 as they say. excuses for everything claiming to buy things and they never turn up, claiming to be better proffessionaly than he is.
the need to impress me always.
lies about his wear abouts. lies about family members, causes arguments.
threatens people with lawyer legal action wen he doesnot get what he wants.
always has to be better than the other person, or worse than them.
lies about being ill.but huge ill ness.
has emotional melt downs, kind of confessions and then starts making stories again.
takes my cards out of my bag, keeps money from me. if i have any gift hence new phone, ect he will try to claim it.wants everything i have.
does any of this sound familiar?????
and what to do?
Leave him & be happy you didn’t realize after you were married with kids like I did
Me too. I’ve been married to one for 2 years. It’s the worst mistake I ever made. Get out now!!
I was with him 27 years and I throught I was at foult, and when I met his family my god they all lie right in front of you.
I agree 100% with “leave him and be glad…”
I got some good insight from this article, but the ending is weak sauce. NO WAY should you automatically stay with a liar, not even if he claims he wants to change. How do you know he’s not lieing about wanting to change? How many years of your life will you waste waiting for him/her to “try” to change. Also, many of you young people may not understand that staying with someone. with destructive habits while they pretend to change, is the same as giving them permission to continue the bad habit.
NO! Do not stay with a liar, you’ll lose years and gain heartbreak and they’ll still be liars when you finally walk away anyway.
I just wanted to first & for most say congrats to everyone who found their strength. Also want to say I’m thankful to have come across these comments. I’m currently in a marriage & more miserable than a prisoner. I also have no friends or family to turn to. It’s February 16, 2016 I’ve been out of the house only 3times since November 4, 2015. My husband lies over EVERYTHING then tries to justify things or makes everything my fault. I’ve turned myself back to God and I’m going to put my faith in the Lord. I have no where else to turn. I want to say so much but I don’t even know how or where to begin. If anyone happens to read this please keep me in your prayers.
Hi sweetie. Seems all too familiar. God is a good person to turn to. However, I firmly believe that your emotional will bring is important to yourself and God. If this person less so much that you are depressed and question who you are then run fast. I just got married August 28 2015. He promised before and after we got married to soon lying after he stole money of mine. Since he’s been gambling when he’s supposed to be bowling lies about where he is what he’s doing and turns out around on me and says he doesn’t know why he can’t stop. It makes you insecure sad and unhappy all the time. I’m sure you Are much more lonely married than you were when you were single. I sure am. He acts perfect around family. Refuses to let them know how he treats me. Kisses here and there but you can’t Trust what they say. Marriage is dead without trust honor and respect. If the tables were turned he wouldn’t accept that from you. I’m yelled at talked down to and everything. I have the stronger happier personality. If you are the same your husband had and has lie self esteem. He feels it makes him powerful to lie and to make you feel less than. I’ll be praying for you. But don’t wait till you have no joy left. I’m b filling for divorce only been six months in. Why? Because it’s damaging my self. It’s a type of emotional abuse front whatever they lack and only God and his willingness to change on his own will make it ok. I waited years while we dated and since. No change. I can’t tell you what to do. But I will say funny sacrifice your peace of mind for someone else’s negligence.
I need help and someone to talk to, am at my breaking point. I married a compulsive liar too and a man that talks, argues, nag and quarrels like a woman. Marrying my husband was a grave mistake and I hate myself for marrying him and I can’t forgive myself and can’t imagine how stupid I was to marry such a man. We got married September 2015 and I can honestly say that I have been so unhappy and miserable ever since I met him but I still married him. Can you imagine how stupid I was? Him and parents and siblings are all liars so I think it’s genetic and they are not good people . I think about 90 percent of what he tells me are lies. A month and even 2 days before our wedding I almost called off the wedding but was too ashamed and embarrassed to so and plus how much he begged me not to. All I could think of was how people are going to laugh at me and my family and what to say to people who are coming from out of the state and country since they already got their flight ticket. On Thursday which was two days before our wedding I was in my car crying because of how unhappy I was and somehow I knew deep down in my heart that his not the one but i did not have the courage to say NO I CANNOT DO THIS. We went ahead and had a beautiful wedding with everyone happy for us. Now I know that it would have been better and easier for me to call off the wedding even at the alter. He acts like the perfect husband in front of my family and people and they always tell me how am lucky to find such a good man. Only my mother knows his true colors and how much he lies because she has witnessed it. We had so may fights after we got married and sometimes we go two months without speaking to each other or sleeping on thesame bed. I have hidden all this from my friends and family and no one knows what’s going on in our marriage. Because of none stop fights and arguments we both agreed that is best for him to move out but to keep it as a secret. We are both Africans and getting a divorce is very frowned upon almost like a taboo and especially not barely one year of marriage. The shame and humiliation is too much and I don’t know how to tell my father about it because I know he will be against it.I have disconnected myself from everyone and hide in my own shells because am ashamed for people to know that my marriage is almost over. My husband wants to be with me and work on our marriage, he has been begging me to give us another chance and to go for counseling and has promised to change but I know this man is not good for me, I don’t think he will change. love. I refused to change my last name to his because am not proud to call myself his wife. I have never felt this lonely and miserable in all my life, the pain I go through is unbearable. It hurts so bad that sometimes I wish I can see the inside of my heart. I am struggling with my decision of ending our marriage or giving him another chance. I have no one to talk to and no one knows how I feel. I feel like am deliberately hurting myself and ruining my life by still staying legally married to him. Why can’t I have the courage to end this marriage and move on, why do I care so much of what people will say and the shame it will bring to my family, why do I feel like if I divorce him I might not find another man again, why do I think that he will change, why am I thinking about giving him another chance?. I am so sad that I cry almost everyday and crying while typing this. Please I need help and some advice before.
Indigo you are not alone. I too am married to someone that lies everyday. But I’m filing for a divorce. Dig deep inside of yourself and find the strength to leave that man. You only have one life, make it yours and make it a happy life. There are places and resources to help you if you need. Remember : You are strong and will fight to get your life back.
Indigo I feel your pain. I pray that will give you the strength and courage so you can do what’s right for you. Remember you deserve to be happy. It is your right and you can be happy without him. Focus on yourself and what’s important to you. Block out his lies use the extra energy to uplift yourself omg this rk place. I’m praying for you, I can see your tears and feel your pain, may God see you through.
Hi I am wondering how you are getting on? Don’t feel bad I was like you fell in love with a work mate and we had a lovely wedding I left my first husband for him and had to sell my house we had a lovely time on the proceeds something I wouldn’t normally do as I’m usually carefull. After 3 years of marriage I was in debpt up to my eyes and in the last year so much money was going missing! We both worked it was ridiculous of course I realised he was a total liar! OMG the deceit! It was hard he was so loving! In the end I told my sister she helped me I lived in a caravan for 8 months and now have a little rented cottage. That was 18 months ago I am 57. You can do it it’s hard and heartbreaking but talk to someone once you admit it it’s a little easier! Xxx
Sorry for the misspelled words. On my cell in a rush. But don’t stay until out ruins you sweetie. You are somebody regardless and God needs you whole to help someone else.
I understand the turning their issue into something you have done. My husband always responds with something I have done wrong. I have become dependent on him so I pretend to believe his lies. I need to end things but can’t seem to.
I understand how u all feel. I have been married almost 50 years. My husband has lied for so long. He gets mad at me because I cannot tell the difference in truth or lie. He hides mail,money credit cards that he gets in my name without my permission from me. He lies about any and everything. My problem is we are both retired and I don’t get much because he did not want me to work when I was younger. He sabotaged a lot of my jobs, I am on disability and can’t work now really don’t know what to do. I got married very young at age 17 did not know people were this bad. Fell for a lot for a long time. I am very sad and unhappy don’t have any trust for him at all. I feel like I am beginning to hate him. He is very controlling.
I’m in the same boat as you! Mine’s also a cheater and closet gay!! He was molested by his father as a young boy!! I don’t know what to do
Hi,
Are you ok?
Are you feeling better now?
I’ll pray for you and maybe you can for me as well. I to have no family other than my daughter her lying father and his lying family. Without a support system its a lot harder to “just” leave.
I’m in the same kind of situation. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been out of the house this year. We have two kids and I have no support system or income and have no idea what or how to get out of this or what to do about our kids who adore him. My depression is getting worse and its scary
Drowning–Just wondering if you sre still in the same situation? No e is identical to yours and id like to know what has happened or you did.
I’d like to know what ever happened. I’m in the same situation as you. This would upset my oldest daughter who is 6 if we ever got divorced. I mean literally it would destroy her. So I live in miserable life so she doesn’t have to. This was posted a year ago so I was just wondering if maybe you could post an update?
Hi I have the same .married23 yrs .I feel so stuck im56 yrs old been putting up with his lies all that time .just cant take any more .but what do i do or go .how can someone look right in your face and lie .than we fight for hours .till im sick then he finaly admits it .I always catch it .then it is sorry I won’t do it again then Give it a few days and here we go again. But it is always my fault because I don’t leave it alone until he tells th truth. He just wants me to Shut up and let it be because he said he is sorry .I can’t .just don’t k ow what to do .I’m sick and can’t work no family here I want to leave but how .where and what do i do …just living like this is killing me
I agree with this comment 150% because my husband is exactly like this and he denies it says he wants to change and never has I’ve been married to him for 3 years and every time I’ve told him to leave he refuses and he goes off on me by blaming me for his actions and the things he’s done to me behind my back and lies about it every time I’ve told him I’m done but I also get a refusal on him leaving I’ve tried for 3 years to help him and it’s always the same
I just happen to run past this. I am in the middle of a divorce because of the same behavior. I have been married 29 years and I am done. He lied about the young girl he was seeing was the final straw. He could not tell the truth to save his own marriage-gonna hit him where it hurts-I get half of everything by law. I feel so good ladies I can’t even tell you. Don’t fear-go.
I can relate to so many here. I’ve been married for 26 yrs. The lies have involved infidelity, drugs, jobs and $. He always blames me and my behaviors on why he lies. I feel like I am going g crazy!! Is it me…if only I would have? Part of me says maybe it is part my fault, but the other part knows deep down it can’t be my fault for him choosing to lie. He also comes from a family of liars. My advise to those of you that are only a few yrs in….get out now…it’s so hard the longer you wait. Cant believe I’m married to a 50yr old that can not tell the truth….so frustrating. I have started paperwork for divorce but he is fighting me…it’s s going to be a rough road…i hope I have the strength.
I was married to a compulsive liar. Didn’t realize it until after we were married. I divorced him after three years and he actually tells people he divorced me — another lie. He even lied to the the police many times and also to his family. So glad I divorced him. It’s been tough — I’ve lost a lot, but have a well paying job and am eliminating the garbage. I will retire and move out of town within the next few years. Be strong. There is life out there. I’ll let you know when I find it.
I, like many of these other ladies, made the mistake of marrying a compulsive liar. After 17 years & 2 kids, I couldn’t take it anymore & left him. Ten years later, I am still finding out about lies that he told me! My advice is leave him asap! You’ll be better off!
I know the feelings lady’s, I’m going into 10 years of marriage and my husband is a layer also. He told me and my family the he was in the military for son many years and he was a captain didnthos and did that in the military. But when I kept listening to hear and for him to tell these lies over and over again. But me and how I am I got on my phone and started pulling up how can I get military information on my spouse, and look at God everything started falling in place. Now I have all his papers from the military DD-214 and all. Now I can go forward and take my next step. And when I talk with some of his family they said just what the papers say. He even got mad at his own family members cause they told him to tell me the truth. But I’m just going to let him keep telling his lies until my place come through and he will get his military papers and I will have my copies. Time will slow walk anyone down. BUT I’M OK cause now I have my proof in hand.
Ditto. I would not even consider continuing the relationship. You don’t EVER have to settle. I am 62, married 28 years, no skills, gotten fat and old. My husband has lied, cheated, verbally abused and belittled me for years. I found out after 23 years of marriage that he is addicted to porn. (He’s working on that addiction.) Kept hoping he would change. Honey, they don’t change.
Get out now. I married a compulsive liar. I only found out about all the lies immediately after marriage. I’ve been dealing with it for two years now and am pregnant. I would tell anyone who is in the relationship ship to get out asap
same 🙁 I’m stuck and don’t know what to do
Sadly, it sounds all too familiar. I thought perhaps you were writing about my fiancé as well. We have 3 years of a patched up foundation and engaged 1 year. He recently reverted back to old destructive behaviors and I felt as though we were right back to the beginning of our relationship. All the hurdles and things I thought we overcame, crashing around with the same gut wrenching pain. Its a constant roller coaster of disappointment. When I start to realize its HIS brokeness that prevents reconciliation, I begin to let go.. and thats when he snaps back to the man I fell in love with. After I naively turn the cheek and make excuses for his actions, I’m left standing with the same devotional despair I started, if not worse. I’ve realized that no matter how much potential I see or how badly I want to “fix” this with encouragement and love, I am hurting myself and others by allowing this treatment. If he cannot love himself enough to stop this cycle, he will never love me the way I want to be loved and deserve.
Sometimes we pray to seek guidance and answers that are right in front of us.. choosing to be obedient when we get them is the hard part.
Best of luck to you…
Today is my anniversary what should be joyus is being consumed by what i now know for sure. your post spoke to me. I want my love to work through it and he is in therepy and he has admitted his probelm
how do you work through the pain without it eventually going into sadness fear, evolved then to rage? I just want to have someone who understands and isn’t saying a liar is a liar cant teach a old dog new tricks or hes a piece of s*it what we do you espect… people do recover from tv
this it just a lot of hard work. Reading your post gave me some peace idk why mayb3 because it wasnt filled with its to late.
I pray that your heart and mind stay strong and protected through this
if you ever want to chat reply back and I will give u my email. I dont tell people that we know it makes me feel really bad to put it nice about his lying .
Hi!
It’s been six months since you wrote the post. Did the therapy help? I’m at a crossroad for the same reason. It’s been 7 years and at this point I’m fed up and tired, too hurt as well. I want to give it a last shot but is it really worth it? Can a person change like that? `how long will it last?
I have been with someone for almost 7 years. He is great in someways such as he is a hard working man, helps around the house and with meals, and truly seems to have kind intentions. He is 16 years younger and I am 45 so my health is failing and I am in alot of pain. I love him alot but I get scared that maybe compulsive liars can’t really love that maybe love contains truth so therefore how can they love without truth. He lies about all sorts of random stuff mostly stuff to either make himself look good or to make me look bad. Like saying neighbors are saying I have guys over when he is at work but each and every time i have followed up they all say he is lying. His childhood was very troubled with his parents being on drugs and separated off then on then finally off for good. And I can really understand how lying probably became a matter of survival and the comfortable thing to do in all situations and it made it feel odd for him to tell the truth. He has gotten super jealous in the last four years and even though he swears he isn’t anymore he still says alot of the same comments so I know he is lying about that too. I’m sure he lied to me about alot of things, cause I will get that little red alarm in my head when he is talking even about random stuff, but I just refuse to live in a HOME where i have to be a constanst detective so at least 80% of the time I don’t even mention the lying and just focus on the jealousy. Because just because he lies I refuse to be treated like I am the liar. I also had to work with him for years to learn sexual boundries (like not messing with me when I was sleeping etc) but I think he might be done but in the process I became someone who can’t sleep heavy anymore and never really feel fully rested. I worry that trying to fight this issues is gonna make me unable to ever trust again. I already feel myself second guess things people say to me alot, as a result I have pushed away a lot of people. Now litarally the only people in my real life is my fiance (btw he keeps talking about marriage even bringing it up in the middle of a fight etc) my mom (who like me have great difficulties dealing with lies), my grandma, and my son who is grown and lives far so i only see him every few months. I just don’t know what to do. Every time I get him talked into going to therapy his dad convinces him the problems aren’t him they are me. He is also a closet controller and goes on my facebook and reads every single thing on it even messages between me and my mom or son then just denies it, but accidentally lets part of those conversations slip into our conversations then when i call him on it he says it must be a coincidence. He knows I no longer believes anything he says and pouts about not being trusted.
I would love to chat regarding how you husband is doing in therapy. I am going through the same. It is very hard living with someone like this.
Hi ! My fiancé turned out to be a compulsive liar. I’m going through tremendous pain because I truly loved him and I’m feeling broken. I don’t know how to let go of him.
Uh…forget praying, that’s a useless endeavor. I mean,has it helped? He “snaps back” when you’re ready to leave, and that’s the only thing that almost works. Just like drug addicts, wife beaters and the like. So what if his problem is low self esteem? At some point he’s not going to snap back, even temporarily. Then what?
i am 52 my husband is 46 the first day we met he lied.found out he was married with child on the way.i should have known then to stay away,but now we have been married for 22 years i hvent worked in 10 years so im basically stuck and he doesnt care how unhappy he makes me y lieing to me all the time.hes lied about paying our rnt which he didnd he lied about my truck payment because they came and got it for non payment.he let my car insurance lapse for 3 months before i found out.he lies about money we r on our eviction because he didnt pay rent like he said he did.
i have no more love for this man anymore it is making me sick but he knows im not going no where have no where to go if his mouth opens hes lieing i question everything he says and he gets mad at me but i was never like this till i met him.i have no respect for him at all and i will never believe anything he says.what can i do im dying hes made me somebody i dont like but i havent worked in 20 yrs and im 52 years old what can i do because i have no feelings for him but dpnt have a job no way to support myself but i do know something bad is gonna happen because he can lay around the house for days ding nothing not working so i blow up he needs to keep our bills paid i take care of everything pertaining to taking care of my child to cleaning taking care of animals my job never ends because he does nothing can u help
Get a job and build your self esteem. Save your money and plan your life with out him
Your entire response sounds exactly like me. I feel let down. Constant roller coaster for sure. I even feel older. I feel like i have the same arguement over and over. Repeat the same things and yet when he starts to show a sign of cleaning up his act i let my guard down and within days it all crumbles again. I’m tired. And sad. And just beyond confused.
You are all smarter than me. I’ve been married to a liar for over 40 years..
I have all so been with my compulsive lair of a husband nearly 40 years he has been for help a couple of times but it never lasts. I have always stuck by him and believed promises it want happen again and how sorry he is for hurting me he is a nice guy most of the time family and everyone close to me love him and know not to believe all the stories he tells as only part of it is true. When he has been caught out in a lie he usually gets sick sometimes even to the point he is admitted to hospital but always get a clean bill of health. But this time he has gone to far had his appendices out for no reason us they could not find anything wrong with his serve stomach pain but he insisted there was something wrong and kept going back to the doctors for more and more tests he told me his doctor was 99% sure he had lupus but just need to do another few test to make sure when he realized I was getting suspect he said it not lupus but a bad form of arthritis or some other disease similar to lupus every time I asked to come to the doctors with him he said no I decide to speak with his doctor he said he had asked him to bring me with him and he did not have lupus! they can’t find a thing wrong with him but as a doctor said he had to kept testing him as he walks into his surgery hardly being able to walk and keeps complaining how sore he is….the list goes on. He has had family and friends phoning emailing to see how he is… No one can believe he has gone this far it has cost Medicare thousands of dollars and one of the tests we had to pay for my mother and our two daughters even give us money. When I asked him to leave he went to one of his daughters house they don’t believe he is lying about his illness that is what hurts me the most I have suffered for years and my daughter always take his side and totally ignore me well the oldest daughter defiantly totally ignores me the younger one will phone me and ask what I will do now I can’t understand how they could have anything to do with him after what he puts me thought it hurts so much I feel useless, stupid sick to the stomach can hardly eat and all the things most woman have written on this post is how it feels it is evilness that some you love could do this to you. He has had affairs, a couple of which where under my noise as we worked together in our own business. Then kick me out and started a business with the other woman which only lasted a couple of month.
When my daughter was 2 yrs old we thought make a clean start and live in another state for a few months we put everything in storage packed our bags and away we went, when we arrived he through my bags out the car and drove off leaving me and my daughter on the street with no money lucky I had an aunty that lived near by she come to our rescue and cared for us for a couple of weeks.
This is only a small insight into my life living with a lair I know you can’t cure them.
Get out now!
I have to ask, did you finally leave? I pray you will say yes
Well I’ve been married to one for 24 yrs. He walked out on a good job but l didn’t find out for over 3 months. Then he lied again about having a job. Who pretends to have a job not once but twice. This makes me question everything he says. I am atcthe point l can’t take it anymore.
I feel for you, I’m ready to leave my spouse after 13 years because he lies about everything and scams people our of money when I don’t even knOw about it till I get the notice in the mail he is being sued. And we have been evicted more than five times..I have two boys and am ready to move on by myself even though I have no money….It’s better than this hell
I feel you and I feel for you! I have been married to a compulsive liar for 25 years?we have 3 grown kids, I am 47 and feel I still have my whole life ahead of me and am NOT willing to spend it with a man who cannot be honest! So I went back to schokl and I’m proud to say that I’m graduating with my BA in December 🙂 once I get a job I can finally move on with my life! He has conned money out of every relative he could with empty promises of repaying those debts, he has lawsuits pending etc. The list goes on and on. As hard as this decision is I know it’s for the best, unless there is devine inervention, I am convinced he will never change! Good luck to you and I pray your out one will be a positive one!
– E.A.G.
Did you leave? I’m in the same spot and have felt so alone. I’m so glad to see I’m not
My husband of 26 yrs has done the same! I just found our that he has been un employed for 3 months. He has had his unemployment ck sent to a friends and working odd jobs to make his weekly deposit. This has been the final straw for me!
Im married to one for 24 years. Somebody help me please , I need someone to give me a good advice on how to get out of this relationship.
I understand that it’s hard to imagine yourself in any other life at this age, but take it from me it’s possible to be happy. I am 45, left my liar husband after 16 years of feeling like I was spinning my wheels. I am now with a wonderful man who has integrity and has been honest from the start. Good counseling and family around you helps. I still am going thru the grieving process of loosing what was, but it gets easier every day.
Can someone please help me . I am in counseling but I still am so scared to leave my husband . I guess I’m scared I might miss him and feel like I made a mistake but yet when he talks I can’t stand it . I’m married for 23 years and have been well taken care of . My husband pays all the bills and for years I only worked one day and raised the kids . My kids are 20 and 21 now and I see myself living alone one day soon with an exaggerator and a compulsive liar . Lies about the stupidest stuff to the point you know there’s truth somewhere in his story but would not repeat . The hard part is also that everyone thinks he’s wonderful cause he will do anything for anyone and help til the end of the earth . Please help me . He also used to get so nasty in bed if I said no and I lost so much desire . I’ve isolated myself from him and he said he lies because I don’t go anywhere with him . He says he can’t help things come out of his mouth wrong . He’s tired of being analyzed because now I call him out on his lies and I never did that before . I always was just thankful for being home to raise the kids .
You’ve got me beat! 30 years here. And to think my dear Granny told me not to marry him. She never elaborated on why she thought that. But her words have always stuck in my mind (rest her soul). Listen to your Granny! They always know and way cheaper than a therapist!
I don’t know how u do it I’ve been married to one for almost 5 years and he reduces to tell the truth when I caught him lying I don’t know what to do anymore
My husband of the 2 years together for 10.When I caught him in lie he has excuse after excuse. Caught him yesterday hiding email in trash from a woman. Confronted him about 5 year’s ago about same women. He said it work related. Well why hide work. Don’t know where to turn. He will say I’m the CRAZY one. Please Help!!
Hey, you are all smarter than me! For the last 44 years I kept hoping and foolishly believing things would get better with counseling. If he had put half as much effort into getting better as he did his lying, I may have believed things could change. Now I know he is even “playing” his counselor. I WASTED 44 years of my life.
Mine has a speech memorized to tell counselors when we go to therapy. He pretends to get what he does is wrong around everyone else but then continues to lie and manipulate. He has everyone around him fooled which makes it so much worse. He has me isolated and our kids suffer him too. We need to help each other get out. If I didn’t feel so alone, so crazy and had someone to talk to when he makes getting away seem impossible, I think I could do it.
I am 68 years old. I have had this relationship with the “love of my life” for 31 years. He is 10 years younger than me. We have lived together and for all have passed as married. He was perfect, cooked, cleaned, always smiling. Then after 10 years, drinking, secret drug use, the lies started to undermine trust and everything else, slowly. Hired a PI while I was away from home who videoed him in a public park having masturbation sex with a man in the park bushes. His excuse, it turns out, he was molested as a child, and the new therapist explained how this is not unusual behavior in this situation as the victim tries to control a sexual situation. Of course that broke my heart and I wanted to support his therapy and recovery. We have spent a hard earned $200 a week for almost 3 years for only the “best” sex addiction therapist. So, just tonight, three years later, I just kicked him out of the house. He conned me and lied about an apparent addiction to pain pills now that has been going on since about the time he started his therapy. Then all the other lies came out. I searched his communications, tracked his car location, and all that led to is me driving myself crazy with all the lies I discovered. My whole last 30 years has apparently been a big lie. now he says he has to lie so I don’t yell! He could not have sex with me for years because I question him too much. Yes, I feel crazy, stupid, conned, old, ugly. He is all “sorry again” for hurting me and wants to come home again. I think I finally had enough and I will go die alone but not so alone as I feel right now.
I could just cry for you reading your story and reflecting on my own and crying for me too. Betrayal and lies hurt for sure. I hope you are doing much better now and not having to still deal with the pain of what he has caused. I feel much the same. thanks for sharing.
It’s been 21 years for me and I am trying to get out but I am disabled, unable to work have two dogs where housing is nearly impossible to find at all, let alone with pets. I am devastated. I don’t know where to turn. I can’t help but wish I would just suddenly die from the disability to avoid the pain and suffering. I am ashamed that I allowed this to happen. I was a confident strong healthy woman when I met him. I don’t know how I became this empty shell that I am today. I have noone to turn to. He was always my priority so friendships suffered and ended.
Hi Jackie, it’s been 43 years for me & what struck me about your story was how thru the years you’d been made to loose all other connections of friends & fam. You’ve probably always been “made wrong” in all of the disagreements or issues that arose. I too .. wait for either my natural death or his – to end this already. Just knowing there is someone out there also living my “crazy” gives me solace. Sorry I have no answers, I’m disabled & can’t leave either.
Oh god, I just read your story and it is me. I just got married two months ago and have found out my husband is a compulsive liar. I am entirely heartbroken.
What did you do?
LEAVE b/4 you have children and become too vested in a life filled with lies and deceit! They WILL NEVER CHANGE!
I have been Married to a compulsive lyer for almost 40 years and it has ruined my life. I now know that I have been damaged beyond belief. I wish so bad I could die. My children all look up to him wich worries me because I am afraid they will think the way he acts is the norm. While they were growing up they would treat me with disrespect and my husband wouldn’t say a thing to them, I think he thought that he would get more love and admiration if I was put down. My husband has worked with partners for 20 years, owning part of the company, and some land. He put in practically all his time for it and try to make it seam alright by saying it was for our retirement so we could spend more time together latter in life. All that is gone when he was found spending the company’s money on a personal investment. They kicked him out on his ear, and we had to spend thousands on lawyers to get out of the mess. He still just tells me things that he thinks will make everything alright. Now he has started his own company, spending long hours in the office in our home. I have tried so hard to love him, help, forgive. But I think I would leave if I had a way to support myself. But I have been a stay at home mother and wife for almost 40 years and don’t have any skills to support myself. Marriage has always been very sacred to me but I would suggest to anyone who hasn’t been married long and have no children to try to get out. I am hopeless in my situation and feel like I have wasted my life. He has ruined me as a person.
Come on, woman. After a few years go by you’re as much too blame as he is. Decades of staying married, FORTY YEARS, at some point you’re asking for it, complicit with it and even responsible for it. Staying with him became giving him permission to do it.
You are definitely wrong! You are uneducated in this area to draw a conclusion as you have.
Hi …I’ve been married to one for 12 years …I know how u feel …I’m also disabled and need his money just to make it, due to medical costs,bills, insurance etc ..I kicked him out once,but when I assessed my situation I was going to have to sell my house just to make it..Don’t listen to ANYONE that says u allowed this to happen, so now you’re partly @fault !! Those people have prolly never been in this type of relationship !! I knew after we were married that he was too ‘ secretive for me …BUT I began keeping secrets of my own…I got control of the money , got him to put all of his money in MY Bank account !! It’s how u handle living with this Liar that can turn things around for u …Your life isn’t ruined- you’re still breathing aren’t you ?…of course u are ….I’ve told my family that I hate him many times, when truthfully it’s ME that I hate for allowing this to happen to me..there are many ways to handle this situation ..remember …honey always draws angry bees to it ! Hope this makes some sense ..truth is you love this person….and LOVE is never wrong !!!
Run as fast as you can because you are in for a huge surprise… Sadly to say they get worse as they get older… Ive been married 22 years and just the other day he was arrested for a DUI!!! He spent the night in jail so obviously didn’t come home his excuse was the cops confused me with someone else and didn’t like me! He says he didn’t do anything wrong and he wasn’t drinking! Seems like the older they get the wiser they think their lies are! You shouldn’t waste your youth with someone who is going to consume you with lies so leave now while you can!
Hi Emma,
You are writing the story of my life with my husband. Compulsive lying and manipulation is so much a part of who my husband is, that he doesn’t know he’s doing it. Lying is an automatic response in every situation. In social situation, lying is must for him, “slipsy” lying, “bull s……”, whatever you want to call it; the kind of lying that seems to have no purpose what so ever. If I am present when he begins his story telling, I say out loud “That’s not true! You’re just b. s-ing!” But he doesn’t stop. He moves into another group and lies again. And then there is the lying around money. When he engages in this kind of lying, he always feels justified; he always blames his need to lie about money on something I’ve done or something that has happened in the outside world. Or he says, “I just forgot to tell you” that he took money, bounced a check, etc. His lying is always more honorable, more justifiable then other peoples’ truths. And if he is caught in a red-faced lie, he will then lie about lying. And the fact that his finances are great big mess, proves that it’s doing him very little good. A relationship with this sort of individual is extremely destructive; an insidious form of psychological abuse, and studies are proving that psychological abuse is more destructive to the victim than physical abuse. The book entitled, “Should I Stay or Should I Go” describes pathological lying as a form of spousal abuse, bottom line. Confront him, just once! Insist he get immediate help! If he refuses, get out ASAP forever and get help for yourself through a woman’s support network, because you are a victim. There is nothing more demoralizing than living with the relentless manipulations of a pathological liar. I know; I’ve done it for 25 years and I’m just now finding my way out of this “tangled wed” of deceit he has woven. The longer you stay with this sort of man, the more you will be damaged, mind, body and spirit! You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Best of luck!
RUN, RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!! I been married to a lier for 21 years and SHAME ON ME for staying with him! Once a liar, ALWAYS a liar! Good luck!
26 years with a compulsive liar makes you feel almost like youre going insane. I wish I could offer solid, sensible advice. But the truth is, no matter how many fits you throw, how many times you fall on your knees and pray, no matter how many times they profess they will never do it again…at some point it becomes your fault. GET OUT, Dont look back, and be THANKFUL you did not have their children or you might be looking at life sentence, without parole. To all the people searching for the magical cure, you will not find one, if the person doing the lying refuse’s to change their behavior, there will be NOTHING under the heavens to change them for you. And when you leave, they’ll be another… let them go.
Yes, I can totally relate to your life Emma. I have married for 10 months now and my husband is nothing but a big compulsive liar.
He’s extremely mysterious and secretive in every aspect of his activities. He’s never transparent about his financial earnings and sets up false commitments which obviously he would follow through. I think the reason behind him lying in this manner is a low self esteem. He always portrays himself that he’s extremely poised and is capable of reaching heights professionally and personally but eventually he does nothing. Just keeps buying time and cooking up different types of excuses each and every time just so that I stay(I guess). He speaks so convincingly about so many things but his actions are empty and stuck up. I have sacrificed even already. I really want to give up on him and his pathetic ways.
My husband is compulsive liar and has also done everything you mentioned and some. I have three children with him. If you don’t have children with him, hit the ground running!
My husband of almost a year is a compulsive liar. I’m at lost for words and can actually say that I’m not in love with him. I do care for him. I guess I’m just hoping for a miracle, but after reading all these stories, miracles don’t exist with these liars.
We have 1 child together and he has taken the role of a father to my other 2 kids and sees them as his own.
Happy moment my marriages restored. My name is kendra and am from United State, This is a very happy day of my life with the help of Dr Thomas has rendered to me by helping me to get my divorce husband back with his magic power and love spell. i was married for 8 years and it was so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me, and was seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr Thomas email(drthomasherbalhome21@gmail. com) on the internet on how he help so many people to get their ex back and help fixing marriage/relationship. He makes people happy in their marriages/relationships. i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good. He started begging me to forgive him that he is very sorry for all the troubles he caused me, i was really surprise and was also happy, so that was how i forgave him and now we are living together happily than ever before,and He always want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really happy with my marriage, what a great celebration. thank you dr thomas who helped me a lot, if you need his help you can contact him via email: (drthomasherbalhome21@gmail. com) . He’s a man of his word.
I have been dealing with all these things cheating and more i have 17 years and 5 kids invested. Idk how to get out. Help!!!
Glad to read about this, faced the same experience for 4 years, including DV. God help us for you are the only solution
I’m in the same boat..supposed to marry this man in a month and I am at my wits end. Help.
I search the web each night trying to find answers to questions that I know will never get answered. My husband fits the profile of a sociopathic liar. The lies started as innocuous – ones that while ridiculous and unnecessary didn’t actually hurt anyone. BUT then things started to get more serious. He told me that he had read the eulogy at his fathers funeral. It was the hardest thing he had ever done so he said. 6 months later during a phone conversation with my sister in law i discover that my husbands brother read the eulogy. We’re talking about his dads funeral for goodness sake. When I “confronted ” him with it he just shrugged his shoulders. Now years later he denies ever having said it.
He cheated on our marriage. A sad and hurtful thing but we have a lot of history and I think we could have got through it had he been able to just tell the truth. I found some long black hairs on the tiles in the shower. Being a short haired blonde I knew they weren’t mine. His explanation – they must have belonged to the previous owner of our house. Not only did we do major remodelling of the house including the bathrooms we also relocated the bathroom. Pretty resilient hairs I’m thinking. BUt he said all this with such an air of authority. Looking me in the eyes and in all honesty expecting me to accept it unquestioningly. I have so many examples of such bald faced lies that sometimes I actually start to question my own sanity. When I try to explain the situation to friends I know I sound like a crazy person. He is just so confident and well frankly more believable than me. So sadly after nearly 40 years I have decided to just walk away. Its toxic.
Thank God you are leaving. I’m in a marriage of 12 years now…exactly what you described….lies about everything…it doesn’t make any sense to me. I’ve finally come to a crossroads…I can’t take it any more and feel like I’m going crazy!
You are NOT CRAZY. These men play this game and make us second guess ourselves. My husband had me convinced that I did something wrong when he had cheated twice and was currently “dating” while we were trying to rebuild our marriage. Don’t let them get you down. You deserve better and YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!!
I can also relate to this as I’m stuck with this idiot for now and I am trying my hardest to not to let it drive me crazy. Feel so alone with all this crap!
What if every experience you ever had in this life led up to this very moment and you find out that everything you knew was fake and that you have been living an illusion, a lie for almost 4 decades with a true gigolo? Not only do you not know that you were living this lie you lived for 37 years with the man you loved, this can’t be real…he is not even real. Who is this man I lived with? Everyone that you have ever known knows the truth and everyone that knew my husband, knew he was. I took up for him. He was the nicest and sweetest guy. Although he was gone a lot. He was a musician and he went where the gigs paid. I was in the denial. The man I loved would never disrespect me like this. But he did and over and over again. I felt bad about myself. I felt like I was not worthy or acceptable. When he got caught in lie he would question our sex life and my responsibility and how it was me that was to blame for his infidelity as I no longer met his sexual needs and expectations. He would tell me how THEY.. his girl… had great sex. Not that he was in love with her mind you but they just great sex together for 5 years. The man you married and lived with, took care of until his death, had another girlfriend. I said another. The time before was the time he was forgiven for a 5 years long love affair. The new lady was a cancer survivor just like him. She even sat the isle over from me at his memorial. She never spoke or looked my way. She shot out of the room as soon as the services were over. Nice man. He allowed me to support him, his gambling, give him anything on earth he wanted, music studio, music instruments, cars, boats, house, bank accounts, credit cards, motorcycles and me left me close 2 Million in debt. He really showed me how much he thought of me. This man I loved for the most part of my life was just a front. He led 2 lives. Two women. Two relationships. The other woman always knew about me. I never knew about them. He would invite them to his gigs and they would stand in front of me and block my view. He walked them out. He was always a gentleman; a ladies’ man. I found out about the affairs from my two children at two different times about 2 different women. I took care of his 2 sessions with throat cancer, crohn’s disease and numerous strokes. I helped him with his diapers. How did a man have a full time girlfriend and a fulltime wife? You worry for their health. You devote your life to his well being. You just can’t believe he was so shallow. So deceitful. Such a liar…such a user. She had breast cancer. He took care of her during chemo. And I took care of him during his chemo, his radiation treatments, or my god the changing of his colostomy bag and caring for him after his strokes. Call me the greatest fool in the world. My husband used women. They all loved him, he loved them all for god’s sake, they gave him credit cards they gave him money, bought him gift’s and made themselves competitive over me, they met his sexual needs and expectations. Go figure. They were always in love. He had a new girlfriend? She was a cashier at the casino he lived and worked at. Not only was he a musician he was a professional gambler. What a gift he left me with right? I loved a fool and likewise I was a fool. Why it took so long for me to see what a loser I married and thought of him as my soulmate I’ll never know. For one thing he was charming and funny and smart. He knew how to use people, especially women. I saw him take his last breath. After he died and I found out the truth about him and realized how stupid, how gullible. Now I realize he could never love any woman as much as he loved himself. What a joke our relationship always was. It was all a lie. The marriage vows were never a concern to him. He cheated where he could. When he liked. I trusted him. I loved him. Love is blind. It worries me so that I could live almost 4 decades and devote my life to this con man. I did not know. I suspected but he was so convincing. I now have a chance at love. However long God wants me and my my new man together. I am ready to say I do the greatest guy in the world. An honest man.
Your story has helped me so much. I am 68 years old with 31 years in with a liar, discovered late. I am going on. Thanks for giving me courage.
You are not alone. However. Trust your send instincts. The inner you didn’t lie. So whatever you feel is best for you. I tried Therapy been depressed etc. They will still be happy while we are miserable. Focus on yourself. Make a plan to get out. Keep it to yourself. Then walk away. He’s not in it with you. If he was he’d honor you
I can so sympathise with all the above …… I have just reached my 60th Birthday and recently found the courage to give mine his marching orders… I am not in a good place emotionally , we all know the feelings of , despair , disbelief , bewilderment .. hurt betrayal …… It has now been a month … I am hanging on in..Implemented the no contact rule and despite the usual attempts by him to hoover me back in… I am finding strength from somewhere , I can’t look at the bigger picture of what my future may hold , but I am taking each day at a time and that is as much as l can cope with at the moment …. You know what really get’s to me ? Why I did not see this in the beginning … and I continued to accept this behaviour … It’s like a nightmare you can’t wake up from…
Update !!! I am sooooooo stupid ,,,, I must warn all of you now not to be sucked in again… Since my last above post my estranged partner of 25 years contacted me to sit and talk… he was so convincing I relented… I had the tears the so sorry … You are my life, I can;t live without you …nothing and nobody means more … i cant believe what l have done .. let me make it up to you… so 4hours of heart break and what l thought was genuine remorse… I was already fragile and to hear all these lovely things said to me was like a dream come true…. Tonight he called for a meal … I opened the door and knew as soon as l saw the mask white souless face l was on a loser… 6l ies in 2 minutes … then a load of vile abuse because l caught him out … Girls Guy’s do not be sucked back in… this is more than an illness this is sick and cruel and I believe deliberate and it is ALL ABOUT THEM… no more tears and crying for another month .. I am so angry with myself for being taken in… My head is now going to be held high and I am going to enjoy my life , go where I please with who I please and sleep in the knowledge I am free from that insanity … You can;t even have a normal conversation with these people … this beyond being a compulsive liar this is boarding on a sociopath … and I am getting away as fast and far as I can …… no longer feeling sorry for myself and what I felt was a sad loss … this has taught me a valuable lesson and I now can see a way out of all this madness it’s called ESCAPE …. xxx
Lady in Red,
I read the book ,”Should I Stay or Should I Go” which describes the different types of abusive men. including pathological liars. The most helpful part of the book was the section which talks about the effects destructive relationships have on the victim. And, ironically enough, the more destructive a relationship is, the more difficult it can be to leave it. My therapist told me that it takes a woman in a psychologically abusive relationships on average of six attempts to leave the relationship before she is successful. So hang in there and don’t beat yourself up about it. This is normal. Have you thought about seeking the help of a woman’s support group? They understand the effects of psychological abuse. In fact, studies show that the effects of psychological abuse is worse than physical abuse.
Best of luck,
Shelley
I so relate to the “sociopath” comment. I have said several times he reminds me of a sociopath. And the conversations with him are so ridiculous I often feel like I’m in an episode of the twilight zone.
It is very hard..I am now 54 and have been with my husband/liar for 36 years now…To think I thought with age the compulsion would stop. It never does. Please don’t let the so called feelings of love fool you because with all the lie’s how do you even know that is real? Must have the no contact rule because we will always get sucked back in because we are trusting and want to believe the people we love..Just caught my husband telling my Dad who is now 85 a big line….It never stops..I even corrected him in front of others…He was quiet until then next day and then let me have it…Guess what…just had my 54th B-day the end of April and just got shoved by a 56 year old liar because I confronted him about his lie…Get out while you can and don’t look back.
Wow. I feel as though I wrote most of these comments myself. I have loved my husband with all of my heart and had hoped I could offer him enough love and forgiveness to get him through this and that we could be happy. I thought we had such a deep connection. But now less than 2 years in a marriage nothing seems real. I went from a happy smiling bubbly pretty bride with dreams of love and happiness to a promising carreer shattered, my beauty gone, weight out of control and a recluse. I go somewhere and just stay to myself, speaking only when spoken to. I still love this man but kmow at this point there is no hope.. just at a complete loss as to what to do. If you see the warning signs do not marry!!! Its toxic toxic toxic…
WOW what Despair said is a mirror image of my story. When my husband and I first moved in together 8 years ago I was a very outgoing happy person on cloud 9, I was healthy and loving life. 60 pounds of weight gain later I am finally picking up the pieces after years and the toll of a compulsive liar. He would lie mostly about women, who he was talking to on the phone, who was texting him. He would tell me straight up about him lying to the housing people and why there was a cat door installed. Made up an ellaborate story and non of it was true. He must think I am stupid enough to not think other stories he tells me are equally ellaborate. I just found his secret social media account yesterday where he is friends with only one girl he claims he has not spoken to in years and she was a part of a very dark time in our relationship. I emailed him about it and called him out. He is deployed right now so I have a feeling I won’t hear from him for awhile. Which I am fine with that. I am so drained from the sadness. He has had every excuse or apologizes and says he doesn’t know why he does these things. As soon as I forgive, the cycle continues.
I’m in the same situation. Just married two years, but have heard almost daily lies, some big, some of them extremely verbally abusive. My weight is out of control too. I turn to food because it numbs the feelings of hurt and despair. I’ll never ever be able to trust him and it’s devastating and I’m worried about him lying to and about our daughter and being verbally abusive to her and setting these horrible examples for her. I’ve begged him to stop lying but he either won’t or can’t. It affects everything in our relationship. I have no desire for him because I’m always afraid of just what he’s up to because I never trust what he tells me. His dishonesty and unkindness repulses me and makes me feel stupid and duped and afraid.
I am that bride too, jolly, bubbly , pretty with dreams of love and happiness. But after 24 years, I realized i just wasted my life with this man. I am planning to leave him, i dont have a job right now. Somebody please help me , and give me a good advice on how i can leave this man.
Hi Rose,
Have you contacted women’s support services in your area? They should have a good understanding of psychological abuse, as well as physical and sexual abuse, and they should be able to help you. They may also be able to hook you up with resources that can provide financial assistance, job training, etc. Getting a job is key to your being able to leave this situation. I recommend a book entitled, “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”. It really helped me to understand the effects of all types of abusive men, including pathological liars. Don’t go it alone. you need as much support as possible, and never for a minute forget that this type of personality will never change! Best of luck.
Shelley
Hang in there beautiful. The same thing is happening to me and I am trying to stop it. It’s been 2 years with this psycho and I am lonely and depressed but I am going to get out! Start over, you will be ok again!
Me too. Remember that you are a beautiful woman and don’t deserve this. Keep your head up. Seek support anywhere you can get it, except from your liar! Much loves, ladies!
I am nearly the same age as you and am just as confused. After giving up my whole life to move broad to be with my husband I find that he does nothing but lie to me. After 20 yrs of living here and only just now at the age of 55 being able to get a job I find my partner telling me that he hates me every day and it is my fault for everything and he feels it necessary to lie to me – I do not know what to do. His family I have against my better judgement confided in that he hits me and now is starting on our 2 young kids (13 and 10 yrs) – they asked me directly and I can’t lie I had to tell the truth. In the last 2 days I have found my husband has been secretly drinking – leaving a box of wine in his car boot and drinking out of it – it was our oldest that told me he had seen him for a long time. I must have been soooo blind – believing the slurred words for tiredness and the refusal to share our bed over the last 6 months – even if he has to get up at 3 am every day for shift work. I am at my wits end. The physical and verbal abuse has been going on for years against me but now the kids are getting it. I want out but have to think of the kids who adore him – I can’t manage on the money I earn as I already have to pay for his horses – which I will not leave as all out animals are rehabilitated abused animals and I cannot put them through that again. If I confront him – he just destroys things – like the kitchen (again) tonight when I tried to broach the subject of his drinking
Hi there well I’m just on the same he’ll boat as you all
Only 2 days ago I found out my husband was lying and had me believe he was saving for a mortgage but when I asked to see statements he had only 170 saved where he told me it was 8k this has been going on for year’s, he once stole 600 from my mums credit card while she was going through chemo and I was miscarrieng a baby on the sane day
How do I get through this , he’s telling me I can manage all the money now and he will get councilling, I know in the past he was an addict to painkillers and God knows what else, he’s a great dad to out daughter but not to my teenage son ( they haven’t spoke in 2 years) thankfully,
My mum always wanted me to leave him but I always gave him the benefit of the doubt, but now as he’s up in bed I sit here thinking what went wrong, I do pity him as he has nobody else but me and his daughter, his family are of no help and live in another country so my feelings are shattered, I know I obviously spent the money with him but with the 3 incomes he had per week I still taught he could be saving for outlet #Dream home…how wrong was I. I work my butt off and thank God I have a savings of my own, I’m lucky he didn’t take that , it’s a tough call because he’s a good man and good father to our daughter, he is once again so sorry but words mean nothing to me at this stage and yes I will control the money but in my account so if it ends at least I’ll have a couple of months worth of comfort, I’ve told him were can live together but seperated for now, I’m trying to keep a family together how ever false it is , for my daughter especially as she lives him so much but the ultimatum is he has till Xmas to prove a little bit and we’ll go from there
Please tell me what I’m doing wrong, should I end it should I try ….
I know the awnser lies with me but advice would be appriciated, I am a former addict too I know I’m not Angel but I was on valium for years because of a murder in my family but even at that nobody knew and I hurt nobody I just blocked my grief
Help.. .
My heart goes out to you. I’ve been married for 31 years and am just starting to realize what a pathological liar my husband is. I’m shocked. Last year I found out that instead of going to work he was going golfing three days a week. For months we’d have coffee in the morning and then he’d leave at exactly 8am. We had a year of bad fights because of this dishonesty (especially since I had taken a part time job to supplement our income during those same months!). But then I found out he was tape recording our arguments and actually goading m so I sounded worse on the tapes. Then I found out he had hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. Then he walked out on me three weeks before anniversary #31. Then he came back and I gave it one more try..But it’s a nightmare. The guy I thought would be there to protect me when push came to shove, would actually far more readily throw me under the bus, so to speak.
Good luck on your own. In the end, it’s a better place to be than with someone who is cunning, selfish and ultimately a threat to your well-being.
After thinking I was a failure and couldn’t maintain a ‘normal’ relationship, I finally thought I had found the one only to have his deceit destroy me. My husband of nearly three years lies about dropping off dry-cleaning, for goodness sake. After a year of marriage I found out about a child he had with an ex before we met. He them spent the next four days lying about it. I lost thousands of rands after a bad car deal, which he lied about. The best is when he threatens to leave me if I dont believe him! I am totally financially dependent on him. He walked out over a month ago and despite the stress, I was happy. He came back but I will no longer be a patsy and am taking steps to get a job and move on. They cannot be cured, cannot be fixed.
I wish you well, how did things work out
41 years this summer, and I cannot take anymore. His behavior has utterly demoralized me. He has gone so far as saying I cause him to lie in order to stop me from overreacting to things like why he gets “private” calks with the cell numbers unavailable or why a number repeatedly on his cell belongs to another women not a friend of ours. The list goes on and on and on. He is a serial cheater. I wasted my life, and am profoundly and deeply wounded. Legally blind with no job or means of support or transportation, but I’d rather be alone than live like this.
Same as my situation right now & we’re just on our 2nd year. Its terrible. Im shattered!
I totally understand this. My husband likes to say he lies to protect me. Not only that but he declares that he lies because he knows what my reaction will be to his “mistakes” as he calls them. Problem with that is, he has never admitted to a mistake. He lies about them. so the reaction he refers to has nothing to do with the mistake but the lie. Its soul destroying to know that someone who claims to care so much, can have so little respect for you that they truly think you are stupid enough not to catch them out.
Yes I have recently encountered that.. My partner of 3.5 years. Cheated on me and even came on to my friend. I feel sick, disappointed, hurt, and sad. The worst is that we now hav a 2month old daughter.
Everytime he says it wasn’t me, I swear, I’m telling the truth, I love u, no one else. I want only u, I want to marry only u, it was a mistake yet he didn’t own up to any of them.
I had to poke and push , when I finally caught him with evidence of emails he sent out to girls asking for naked pics on Craig’s List, he lied and said it was his brothers, one after another I proved it wasn’t them because they are illiterate. He still denied it. His family got involved and I proved them all it was him. He finally caved in, after I threaten to walk. Same crap. Lied to the bitter end. Selfish… So cruel to manipulate me. What’s worst he lied and cheated on his daughter. He will never see her again!
OMG reading all of these peoples statements-it’s as if I have written it all myself. Sonny are you still with him? What scares/concerns me most is that there are so many out there!
I’m in the same boat, my husband is a freak and he lies about everything, he hoards money, and blames me for our own son. I have had it with his behavior. We can’t even have a normal conversation because he doesn’t know how to own up to his own self.
Teresa-
Your response could have been written by me. My husband uses the same tactic of not telling the truth and then blaming me because of a reatction that I never expressed, largely beacuse we must first cut throught the B-S to get to what the original issue was supposed to be. It truly is crazy making, exhausting behavior. I hope you are doing well, just wanted you to know that you are not alone, not crazy and others are in the same leaky boat.
Debra
This feels like my most recent conversation. It was because of me that he did what he did. I am at fault for his lies and financial deceits. I need to get out before I lose everything: my house and sanity.
I have been married 7 long years I love my husband with all my heart…I’m not perfect..I cheated twice our whole relationship… We been married 5 years…he has lied since the beginning about his age about how many kids he has I ignored it but the lies kept coming n he would accidentally tell on hisself when drinking I’m still married… I wanna help him…so many bad things happened to him since we been married…so far I can’t give up my kids notice his kids notice it kills me…but
I so admire you for leaving! I’m currently looking for a fulltime job as I have been a stay at home mom. Hopefully my degree and life experiences will land me a good job. Do you feel like a new person w/o the burden of his constant lying?
While reading all of these stories, I am in tears. I can identify with every single one and it hurts so badly. I’ve been married for 2 years and with my husband for 10 years total. We have 2 small children. Im sad fo say it, but I didnt notice the big signs, or even realize that there was a major problem until after I got married. My emotions are a roller coaster because I feel like I barely know my husband at all. The stories he tells me are always completely different then what is told to anyone else. He lies about lying on a daily basis about anything and everything. I have no idea what is reality or fact anymore when it comes to him. And I have even gotten to the point where i feel like maybe im just going insane. I thought as he’s getting older that he would just mature, but it seems as time goes on things are just getting worse. I dont want my kids to be another statistic of a broken home.. Im at a loss of what I should do anymore. Im so broken…… Please pray for me that God gives me the strength to do what’s needed. And that God will take care of my children and I even if its without my husband in the picture. Good luck to all of you ladies!
I am experiencing all of this right now and have been for almost 7 years but he has made it that I’m so tied into him that I cannot leave, this is going to drive me crazy and it is not good for my kids to be seeing! Even when he is so clearly cought out lying he still cannot bring himself to admit it and instead he goes on to tell more lies and try’s to make himself the victim. Does anyone know if there is help for this people?
i met a man 10 mths ago who absolutely swept me off my feet. he had quirks i now say i shouldve listened to but i never got that gut tightening instinct feeling that this might not be a good relationship so 2 mths later we got married. a month in and im begining to see things that i believed were PTSD issues as hed told me hed been in combat in the military and had seen and done horrible things. i passed it off and was supportive whenever he was seemingly having an issue. he was working for a koi pond company and 2 weeks into the job he falls and suffers a severe concussion. this effected his balance, memory and after a few mths he had become so depressed that i had to take him to a psych hospital. during his stay there i began to ask questions of his family about what he was like growing up. come to find out hes been mentally ill and a pathological liar since he was 15 or 16. hes 54 now. i found out that 98% of everything hed ever told me was a lie! his military stint was a whole 3 weeks. he did manage an honorable discharge but he was never the hero he claimed. ive found out so many things hes lied about that i now dont believe anything out of his mouth. he is currently at the hospital now for the 2nd time and this go around they say he has dementia!
he may not qualify for residenital living and i do not want him to come back here for me to be his caregiver. yes i am his wife but in name only at this point. i care enough about him that i want to be an advocate for him, he signed over power of attorney to me after his first stay at the hospital, but i dont want him to come back here. i have never felt so betrayed in my life, im angry and hurt and once again reminded that i shouldnt be so damn trusting.
ill be talking to people on monday about finding a placement for him. he has no family to care for him and i just cant. but, i feel guilty to a degree. and i honestly do not know why.
im not the liar and im not the one who is now sick mentally and physically and needs fulltime care. this is the hardest thing in my life right now.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I know all to well the lies and deceit. I was married the first time and it was abusive as far as mental verbal and emotional with some physical abuse. Though through all of that the hurt was not near as bad as falling in love with someone that I thought rocked my world only to find out most were lies. Yet, when you try to talk to them about it they have a way of turning it all around at you because they are so good at it.
I realize this can go either way be it female or male the factor is it hurts and it hurts bad.
My heart goes out to you… All l can say is … you have been the victim … and enough is enough … close the book … and try and move on …….. you need to repair your broken heart , your life even and at some point in your future the sun will shine again … x
Omg – I just found out after being with my husband for almost two years that he’s a pathological liar, too. His entire life he told me was fiction, especially about his military “career.”. He told me he was in the SEALs and in the Navy for almost 16 years. He has 3 scars on the side of his chest that he said are gunshot wounds from being in an 8-minute gun battle in North Kuwait and was left in a coma for 3 months. All of it a lie! His brother and sister-in-law told me he’s stolen from his own kids and he does have a gambling prob that I knew about when he gambled our rent money away twice. I told him if he gambled one more time it was over and he stopped, I think! He was in the Navy for only two years before he was put on Temp. Disability Retirement List for his terrible lung disease he acquired while on the ship cleaning with and inhaling dangerous chemicals. Those scars were from chest tubes! I didn’t even take into consideration that there are no exit wounds from a supposed gunshot! He even told me his best friend was with him in the Navy and in this gun battle with him and had PTSD from it. His best friend has never even been in the military. He even bought medals for his uniform, SEAL crests (one of which he put on his uniform illegally), and says he was in TDRL for 5 years (which may be true) but that while on TDRL he was promoted from E3 to E6 and he put the patches on his uniform illegally! He bought me a ring, told me it was real, and I found out it’s fake. He says there’s another ring but refuses to take me to the store to show me the layaway paperwork. He took over $2000 from my tax return last year and said he used it to make payments towards this “ring.” I believe he stole money from me and my kids. He said he’s a certified Chef (he dropped out of culinary school), and that he has a Bachelors degree and a Masters. When I told him I want to see his transcripts and degrees, I found websites he accessed to buy fake diplomas and degrees. He doesn’t have a bachelors or masters. He has only a HS diploma. It goes on and on. I told him he needs to be in an inpatient psych unit BC he is so sick. BC he won’t take me to the jewelry store to prove there’s a ring I told him he needs to move out. Love is so blind, ladies! I love him so much and I’m so much In love with him. We have an amazing relationship and are best friends but if his lips are moving, he’s prob lying. Does anyone believe this mental illness can be cured? I’m afraid of walking away BC I love him so much…
Been with mine for 14 years! Sounds all too familiar! It never stops I tell you! Now he’s going through midlife crisis! I’m not even that old. Do t be like me, get out of as soon as u can! Or u end up like me with kids n miserable.
Why Are you aiming at just husbands? Why can’t it say “Is your SPOUSE a compulsive liar?” Because Women are just as capable of being Compulsive liars as men are, However women are more deceitful and tend to get a way with it more.
This is true. It can be either or.
Oh boy all too familiar. Lived it 10 yrs no improvement. Now in real turmoil with money and emotionally cheating not me him. He wants to save this I don’t. Thought he was 8 yrs older than me when married but later on I find out its 12. I thought I would die. First marriage was physical mental abuse now this. I could keep going so if you don’t have any ties don’t make them. Its been the most deceitful thing I have ever gone through. I am not saying this is only men cuz I am sure there ae plenty of women who do it also. Im saying it ruins your life. Makes my physical abuse not seem so bad. At least you did have some good times and they don’t lie. None of it is right and some of us just are not meant to be with anyone.
I have been with the same woman for the last 30 years and I’ve always known that she did not tell the truth. She always lied and I have never believed anything she told me. Because of this I have been angry all the time and became extremely critical of everything she did. Her response was to retaliate and cut herself off from and would not answer any question I asked her which fueled more anger and more verbal abuse which caused her to resent me and even begin to hate me and punish me in ways only a woman can. After the death of her mother things became worse. Her anger towards me became more pronounced and so did my reaction to her behaviour and attitude towards me. Eventually she completely disconnected from me and I sensed the change. I begin to feel that she didnt love me anymore. The feeling persisted and I began to panic. We work together everyday and things were fine at work as we tried to be professional at work. An incident involving her on the job had me wondering so I questioned her as gently and loving as I can and she spit in my face. I decided beforehand that I would give her every opportunity to just be honest and explain to me why the incident occured. She immediately denied that it was anything of consequence and that I am falsely accusing her. I never accused her of anything I did ask her not to shame me at work with inappropriate behaviour. This was the turning point in our relationship and I became extremely worried that I lost my wife by asking her to show proper behaviour on the job. There were clues that things were amiss such as flirty behaviour with an individual, having his personal cell number and the final straw being me entering her office and she, while talking to this individual, got up and went to a dark corrider and waited for him to come out. They had some sort of private conversation and didnt even notice me when I passed thru the corridor walking right thru and excusing myself for interupting them. My wife didnt even acknowledge me as I passed. Even during questioning a few days later she didnt remember me walking through. After this things went downhill between us. I truly felt she was lying and attempting to deceive me. I was under a tremendous amount of stress when a coworker told me I should go check on my wife and lo and behold she again is with this individual and in a remote area deep in conversation. After asking her about this she stated its work. She was indignant and angry that I accused her. I tried to ask as gently as possible and still she reacted with venom. Things between us became so stressful for me that I just retired two years early to get away from being with her at work.
I became depressed and sat in my bedroom getting drunk and watching tv for 5 months never being able to reconcile my feelings and thoughts over this incident. As with all other incidents in the past I just gave up and never resolved any question I might have.
Two weeks ago I was on my laptop messing with my camera. I had an appointment and forgot I left the camera on in my bedroom. I went to my meeting and when I returned I realized I left my camera on and just shut it down and put it away. Several days later I was on the laptop and was curious about what was on the clip that ran for over 3 hours. When I played the video that was created I was shocked beyond belief because there was my wife with another man having wild sex doing things I didnt think she would ever do. I was devastated and thought I must confront her with this. When I did without mentioning the video she of course denied and castigated me for even asking her. I then showed her the video and everything changed. She blamed me for pushing her to do this by my behaviour and actions when I became angry. Honestly I was angry all the time and expressed it often. I felt shame and humiliation at her behaviour. I knew we had reached the end of the road and we couldnt go on like this. I demanded a divorce and that I would settle for nothing less for I demanded to be made whole.
For two weeks we fought, arguing daily and not sleeping except for an hour or two. I was relentless. I needed to know why she would do this to us. She claimed she hated me for being angry all the time. I told her I am angry because she lies to me all the time. She would lie for no reason at all, even about whether there was toast in the toaster.
I decided that I would just divorce. She could not contest any condition I asked for because I had video proof that she harmed me. During these last two weeks we went to a hotel and talked till we dropped, slept, ate and woke up and talked again. During this discussion I informed her that I believed she was a compulsive liar and she lied so much she destroyed our marriage.
During these talks she admitted that she lies. She didnt know why and claimed she lied involuntarily. Later she contradicted herself saying that she lied continously but did so my trying to anticipate my feelings, reaction and subsequent decision and weighed them. She claimed she created various scenarios in her head, analyzed them then chose which lie to tell. I was flabbergasted. She admitted being a liar. We then discussed any possibility of childhood trauma that could be the catalyst. She told me a story that blew me away completely. Even knowing that she lies continously I believed the story. I knew she took the first step because she wanted to save the marriage. We’ve been together for 30 years and did not want to be apart. I fully understood her issues as I too am a victim of extended abuse and realized that she was no diffrent than me. The difference being the compulsive behaviour variance. Today I promised I would stand by her if she sought treatment immediately. She will enter rehab first to stop doing a chemical she is addicted to then begin treatment for lying. I did let her know that if she sabatoged this she was on her own as I would leave.
We will see what happens beginning tomorrow.
wow, your story messed with heart. i actually felt pain in it when i read it. i came to this site because i fear my husband is a big fat liar… its only been a year we’ve been together…….hopefully it works our for everyone ::fingers crossed::
Just reading everyone’s stories on here… I’ve just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years. He lied to me about having a house deposit ($30 000), lied to me about jobs, job losses, how much he was paid, whether he was at uni, multiple multiple lies, then more lies to cover up those lies. And I must commend him, very believable really. We have been saving for 3 years for this house deposit, then when we went to apply for the actual loan, he tells me he had his deposit in a “term deposit” and when he had it transferred over it kind of got ‘lost’ this had me going for about 3 months, in the mean time we had moved into a rental as we needed more space. He had also lost his job but didn’t tell me. Funny though we had just got a joint account with this rental house and obviously he never got paid so I was left paying bills but he told me that they had just stuffed up his pay because of changing account details. Believed this for about 4 pays… basically all came to a head as I was completley stressed having thinking that the bank has lost $30000 and he has not had any money come in for 2 months, I was at total breaking point, he could see I was going to leave him… only because I was begging him to do something and he just didn’t seem so worried like I was about the bank loosing his money or that concerned that his boss was not paying him… Along with our relationship being ‘rocky’ for the last 2 years… it was all coming to a head… then he came clean about it all… well all this kind of stuff… I know there is a lot more now that he hasn’t told me. There has been so many instances over the last 6 years that I’ve had a thought of ‘that doesn’t seem right’ but oh well…. and Ive had a very good upbringing and I’ve not really had to go through any hardship but he tells me he has had to go through a lot etc… The trouble is…. he really is the perfect guy apart from his lying… but even after reading some of these stories I’m just wondering if this is part of the whole package. Where the compulsive liar puts on this front to seem so awesome to kind of put a front on for all the lies they are telling… so I just don’t know whether he is this awesome person or it’s just a lie too…. We have broken up but still have contact as he owes me a lot of money and has agreed to pay me back whatever he can… and I’ve kind of held on to the hope that he might get help and we can get back together… but am I just holding on to nothing?
Your post is my life story to date how did it go in the end, I’m currently letting him live in the house but seperated I want to keep things normal for our daughter. ……….
i am one of your culprits. I have been lying to my wife from everything as small as a casual night out with some friends to hiding and keeping very important things that i promised not to do time and time again. i know the solution is as simple as just stopping, but it just isn’t. I have promised my spouse one last time that I will not put them through this again, and i want to stay strong and not break the promise. I need help in doing so, please help.
How do you help someone understand and see what they are doing. This is so emotionally draining. Where or who do I turn to.
Your lies are killing her on the inside, and the lies all stem from selfish motive. One day she will become numb to all your lies and you will lose her. If you do not stop lying, you will never find a stable reostionship. Most women will leave you as soon as they know the truth, so why do you continue to push her away when she sticks with through the lies. If you want to stop JUST DO IT. Find the courage to tell the truth, and stop doing things that you know are WRONG! I am that woman! I am married to someone just like you and I have become numb, so it is just a matter of time before I leave him. Maybe when I leave he will learn.
Hi….I have been reading all of your comments. Im so confused in my own life. I have been with this man for about 2 years. The first lie I found out about was his age. He said he was 40 but on his sisters birthday that I was told was younger than him is when I found out he was lying.she turned 50 so I said your not 50 or Bryan is younger than you. She say no he is not. He is gonna be 51. Well ever since that it has been lie after lie. Big or small. He said when I met him he lived with his mother. He was really living with another women and com ing to see me on the weekends. He swept me off my feet from November till January and then it was just one lie after another. It drives me crazy. I think I love him but the lies hurt so bad. He has been on dating websites and met other women. I have never caught him with another women but from bank statements and phone records I know. What do I do. I dont want to be with a lier. Its gets better for a few days then he gets caught in a lie again and the arguing startes. Hes very charming when he wants to be but when he is telling lies hes the meanest man verbally to me. Help!!!!!
My husband has been caught in little money lies over the years. This latest is really pissing me off. First of all I am a stay at home mom. I have not worked in almost 20 years. He never wanted me to work because I know now its because if I divorced him he would get custody of our 13 year old since I have no income. I have never really seen his paycheck he cashes them and I pay the bills and we each get a little spending money and if there is any left we put it in the bank. Well, my husband had an accident so I had to go get his check and the amount was 230.00 more than it normally was. He tried to make up some excuse for why it was more, I knew he was lying so I went to the bank and asked for a list of all the checks cashed for the last two months. Come to find out he is keeping about 400.00-500.00+ a month for himself. I never get anything when we each get our spending money he buys for himself only. If our daughter or my son(from a previous marriage) need anything it comes out of my money. Also since we live paycheck to paycheck we never have very much money in the bank so if we run low on money my family always helps us. Now I find out he had all this extra money. What is he doing with it? Here is the really crappy part. My husband is sick he is in the hospital he thinks I believed his story as to why his check had more money on it. He can’t have stress he has a heart problem. So I can’t even confront him. There are so many times I had no money for things and just the other day he bitched at me because my daughter spent thirty dollars more than he wanted on my birthday present. I”m so mad I had told him if he ever lied about money again it was over. I have to wait now to confront him. Any advice? What would you do if this happened to you?
Wow! I cant believe how similar this all sounds. I am getting married to a compulsive liar in 15 weeks! I am extremely stressed out and even think I’ve now dipped into depression as I have found out a whole host of lies over the past year. Most have been about where my husband to be has actually been as he will go on nights out drinking when he actually told me he’s working. This was not acceptable but we were working on trying to fix the problem. Now I find myself in an extremely difficult position as I really don’t want to call off our wedding as its history repeating itself. I had to call off my last wedding 2 months before the day as I had been subjected to emotional abuse for 2 years which turned physical 2 months before the big day. Out of pure embarrassment and the fact I really love my husband to be and want to marry him I really don’t want to call the wedding off.
Here is the worst part though… after all the lies I’ve discovered and the fact he’s told me he wants to get help and make things work I find a text message on his phone. Only half of one though as the thread had been deleted up to the point I saw. The message was flirty and even contained a naked picture of my htb!! It sounded like they’d not met each other as they were asking for a picture so they knew what he looked like. My husband said he didn’t know what they expected as he has a child and nearly married. I called the number to confront this woman but to my horror a MAN answered the phone! I couldn’t speak from shock and hung us. I confronted my htb about this and he shrugged it off with it was a joke from someone at work. He even said he’d phone him and did putting on the speaker phone but the guy didn’t answer this time, nor call back! Totally ridiculous. I cant even ask him more questions about it as I’m afraid what might come out.
What am I supposed to do!? I’m at a complete loss and highly stressed to the point I’m now ill and all this is affecting our 1 year old.
Thanks for listening and appreciate any advise you might have.
Don’t do it! Please! I just did what you are doing soon… I married a compulsive liar 3 months ago, only to discover more and more deceitful and hurtful lies.
he has lied about everything! Everything! Everything! Things started unraveling before we got married but I thought because the invitations were out and we already spent so much for the occasion that it would sort itself out, wellllll… now I REALLY wish I ended it when I had the chance to… I am destined for a life of misery, but YOU CAN STILL SAVE YOURSELF!!!!!!
Why don’t you leave now? Is it ever too late?
Call it off.
You need to be strong for yourself and your child. You both deserve better.
I married a compulsive liar almost 2 months ago. I always suspected the lies about finances, drugs and general pettiness however I was not strong enough to confront him on it. I tried to stop the wedding 3weeks before but with the pressure of family flying from around the world I couldn’t. He convinced me with his dreams and words and only a few weeks later lying again. I a, trying to get out but I want to help him first.
What is suggest for you is try postpone the wedding. If he truly loves you, he’ll support it. That way you can confront this issue and see if he wants to face it or not. Being married is far more difficult to get out of!
get out! sadness for the rest of your life will be your faith if you do not. people do not change. the lies will bring you loneliness and it is a different story to leave when
you have a few kids. be smart!
It’s not to late to run. My life is lonely and sad due to my husbands compulsive lying. The embarrassment of calling off a wedding isn’t as bad as the embarrassment of his lies and your future divorce.
Do not marry this man – run like the wind. Seriously I have been married to a compulsive liar for 11 years and it has almost broken me. I am getting out now and wish I had done it sooner. He will never change,
I know it might be difficult for you with a small child but if it is affecting the baby there is no other option then to leave. I honestly don’t think liars can change.
oh, yea! it all sounds so much like i went thur. I prayed and ask God to help me leave him. we were married for four yrs. some were good times and bad times. he would lie about stupid stuff . then fllirt with other woman. unfortuntly his kids are just like him. i hope he gets help. he denieds he is lying.!! It hurt so much. I thought i was going crazy. now i know i”m not. he convinced every else i was mentally ill. get help now.
I am so tired of dealing with my husband and all his lies.
Like most of the everyone else here, all the previous posts are like the words are right from my mouth.
I have been with him for more than 20 yrs but married only 3 1/2. Two children 13 and 16. Whatever possessed me to marry him is not a total misery. I married him in part because of the kids and more so, because of my low self esteem.
My husband has lied to me from day one. From his age to his heritage and family background. There has been what I call stupid little lies to huge elaborate ones.
He once told me early in our relationship that he was at a hockey awards ceremony to explain his where abouts when he was a no show at a planned date we had. He actually had an award. Later, I found a receipt he had for a place that makes awards and trophies. He bought and paid for his award himself. How twisted is that! More so how twisted is it that I have stayed so long. Though the years I would question him about things that made no sense and now it has progressed to me questioning everything. Its exhausting. I have no friends and keep my family at a distance because I hate feeling embarrassed and humiliated when he lies to them. His family wont really contact him except on the computer once in a blue moon. He has no friends, Probably because he tells such unbelievable lies to them they wont tolerate him. We have no mutual friends. And I prefer it like that. Again
to avoid embarrassment and humiliation.
He doesn’t hold a job for any length of time. Bad socially with coworkers. Of course when you lie all the time what else.
But mostly I feel like I need to leave for the kids. They deserve better. They see is lies and it will affect them if it hasn’t already!
Sounds like my ex bf. He made a fake contract after I confronted him about a non existant job. I will never understand, dont you think the lack of paycheck at the end of the week would say otherwise?
I’m a naive fool. My 3 yr marriage started on multiple lies, and disturbing ones such as telling me his mom was dead and that he had leukemia. He actually told me that the carbonation in beer would help his symptoms. He told me he was a heroine addict but all along i suspected alcoholic, I was right. I’m way too ashamed, embarrassed to reveal just how many and how utterly ridiculous his lies were. I’m 45 years old and naive as the day is long. I don’t stop to think, “Hey, this person is lying.” He has invented people, a dog, and stories that aren’t real. Sadly, I just found out that he has been lying about having a pit bull named Jr. He told me his daughter sent him a pic of her and the dog and actually cried. I’ve heard about this dog for 3 years so I asked to see it, even consoling him. He said he deleted it! So I asked his daughter if she could send it to me and that it made him sad. Her response was “what pic, I don’t know anyone named Jr. There’s so much else to share like him quitting drinking, and I make the mistake of thinking he can handle it again. He turns into a demon when he drinks and has said marriage ending comments over and over. I confront him today about lying about Jr. and he lost it and screamed in my face, my ear, pulling my hair from my scalp, holding me down by my wrists saying like a demon that he hates me, loathes me, etc etc. I’m hoping someone responds because I desperately need someone to share with.
The abuse is inexcusable! You need to think about YOU and leave him behind.
I hope you got the hell out of that relationship? I wanting to get out of mine but stuck in it financially but luclkily it is not physical.
I hope you were able to get to a safe place. You are in danger even if you don’t think so.
I’m in a 2 year relationship with a pathological liar. He lies about everything, from what kind of sandwich he had for lunch, to where he’s been after work, to where he used to work etc. Small trivial unneeded lies (like the sandwich thing for example – why do I care what was on his sandwich) to big lies that also dont actually need to be told!
I am 6 months pregnant and worry that I’m getting myself into an unhappy situation. But heres the catch- aside from the lies, hes an AMAZING bf. He is sweet, loving, caring etc. So i’m wondering, as long as the lies remain semi small (he’s not in $1000’s debt or has cheated etc) then my question is – can you maintain a happy relationship with a liar? If i were to find out the truth about something big I’d be outta there in a flash. But as we have a generally really happy relationship I’m wondering if it’s possible for me to be happy long term if I try ignore his stupid lies?
Or is this relationship just plain old simply doomed?
I had a similar situation…”I have a good liar.” That doesn’t exist. With out trust there is no point. Besides…why lie about a sandwich? My husband does that type of stuff. Small lies, big lies, friendly lies, hurtful lies…in the end there’s no trust respect or dignity left.
Same situation here but I am about 15 years deep into the relationship but only married for 3. Lies about the dumbest things such as what he ate, where he ate and thinks that I can’t figure it out! Thanks to technology, anyone can pretty much figure anything out nowadays, overall, he’s a good guy to my parents, my kids, his kids, me etc. but I struggle everyday with his lies! I am constantly second-guessing myself and think I am going crazy but after reading all these stories, I now know that I am not alone.
Are there any good books out there that can help us get through this? I am well-educated, hold a great job and yet feel so bamboozled some days. Uber frustrating and maddening.
All I can tell you is I’m married 23 years and I had exactly that . The small lies and a wonderful provider . He tended to be jealous , he was a big mouth to a degree and if you confronted him
On his lies he got loud and said well you knew what I meant .
Let me tell you. The small lies wear away at the relationship . He also got ugly in bed if I said no . It all wore away at desire in general . But back to the lies. When he speaks everyone says I don’t believe it . When my kids were small they would ask me “mommy is that true”, despite the good wonderful person everyone sees in him cause he will help anyone , he destroyed my feelings . After 23 years the girls are 20 and 21 and I will be left with someone i can’t enjoy talking to cause in my head I doubt his words even though they are harmless lies that don’t hurt it just is not enjoyable . I’m done ignoring it like I did to have peace in the house to be happy being home with the kids. Thank god he worked 2 nd shift .
Please don’t make the same mistake I did.i married this man knowing that he is a pathological liar.His love, caring, passion made me blind and I believed love is more important than anything. With a confused mind I married him 14yrs ago. First two years was happy with mild lies and fights though. Then comes the disaster. He cheated on me when our son was 1year old. I forgave him. He promised
he will never repeat this nor lie.i agreex. He fell again. More n more of lies.i forgave again n again. When our son was three yrs old he cheated on me again. Can anyone believe this tragic story? As usual he promised on God he won’t cheat me nor lie.He promised..I agreed..He fell.lies kept on coming up. Then when our second son was four years old(three months back) this man whom I trusted Cheated on me again. How can a human do that? ?? He cried … fell on my feet… promising he will never repeat. Me, like a fool I Forgave him again because I loved him. ..I still love him. This case was not disclosed as he insisted not to hurt old parents. That was the biggest mistake I ever did. And he could take me for granted. Again after few weeks he said a life changing lie….
im crossed…
please never ever believe a liar. Love cannot lie or hurt. If u r engaged to such a man .. Walk out…orelse you are ruining your own beautiful life. Walk out!! Liars don’t change.
Aimee…
You r only in for two years.things will definitely change if u don’t take his silly lies seriously. I went through that. Even I believed in love more than his lying problem. I was completely flattered by his romantic and charming nature. It was deceiving though. The relation will surely turn toxic if u don’t react wisely. I can’t ask you to divorce or separate from him if u r legally married but can definitely move wisely with a help of an elderly person from his family and a psychologist.
After 14yrs im going to do that. Its better late than never. Pray. Only He can heal. Others can only guide. I will definitely pray for you.
5 years and 2 kids later I’m realizing that a liar is a liar is a liar. The moment I start to feel like we’re getting better I realize there’s a new web of lies he’s tangled me in. I decided last night…enough is enough. I’m worth more! I only get one whack at life and I’m not going to spend it thinking I’m crazy, due to my husbands lies. Nor should I live this life insecure due to the treatment I’ve received from the person who is supposed to be my partner, lover and best friend. I’m done…the weight has been lifted from my shoulders and my stomach has stopped hurting.
Walk is the best option! ! Why didn’t I do that 14yrs back when he lied he was an orphan… When he lied he had an elder brother who died in a plane crash. He even lied about his parents professiob. Pointing at his own sister he said she is his neighbor… staying a street apart he lied he was overseas… n knowingly I married this liar. I deserve this! !
9yrs of Married life was full of lies and deceiving, infidelity, domestic violence.one day he loves me then one week lies n fighting. He promised many times falling onto my feet. But he failed to keep it up.
I confused…. i had forgiven his lies, infidelity many times.he thinks I will forgive again n he takes me for granted I feel.
Can someone give an opinion. What could you do if this happens to you?
I hate to say this but from my own experience with infidelity, hidden bank accts, and lord knows what else, he has never made an effort to see a therapist on his own to fix his lying. LEAVE him. I don’t think compulsive liars can truly change.
I’ve been married for almost 4 years. And its been s rollercoaster …a big one. He lied to me about his finances, told me he owns a house, when in reality its his brothers house. Cheated on me….when I found out I was devastated, broken, hurt so much.. when I confronted him, he denied everything, despite really convincing evidence (he left his Facebook msg open….I happened to see what he was talking about with his ex girlfriend …how well she got home after they met up…. how he is coming over…. pretty graphic with all the nasty details of what they want to do to each other). Instead of an apology I got this “I told you I dint cheat. Its all in your head. And if u don’t believe me, its your problem!”. Time went by, I tried to forgive and forget. But then I found out about a huge financial depth he has. He lied about it as well. On my birthday last year he got in jail. Apparently, he had a warrant on his arrest a long time. I had no idea. I ended up paying lots of money for his tickets. Again, I forgave and tried to forget. I bought a car for us, paid off completely all by myself. Then I stared hearing from our neighbors, his family how awesome it is HE bough a car a completely paid it off…. same thing happened with our lawyer…. we had some legal issues demanding an attorney . I paid entire bill. Which was a lot of money. And here we go aging, he sometimes would even say it openly how HE had to pay 10000$ to our lawyer to resolve an issue. Its like I don’t exist and don’t even work, when in reality, he is the one with a job problem. Financially we have been extremely unstable. He has really hard time keeping a job. Has been fired countless times. And there is always someone else to blame. Recently he got into a jail again, which made me extremely upset, because it cost him his job one more time. When spoke to him on the phone, he asked me why dint I tale care of his old tickets!!!!! he made it sound that it was my fault not his. Later I found out he actually got DUI.
there is so much more to this story… he lies everywhere he goes about everything. Some of the lies are beyond ridiculous: he believes he went to Antarctica as a part of his military training. Lies about a school he went to. When I ask his brother, he said to me that my husband has never even been in the city where the school is……
My stomach and chest are twisting from this horrible pain of being so betrayed. How can someone who tell you he loves you so much, do something like this. I can’t rely on him in anything. And every time I try to talk to him about our issues , he ether freaks out on me or distance himself from me. Multiple times we would have a fight over something, and instead of trying to resolve it with me, I would get threats that he is fed up and we are over. I freak out, of course. Deep inside there are still some feeling left. I come back and apologize again and again ……..
I’m tired of living my life like this. How do I break from this? How do I let go?
First you have to stop lying to yourself. You have to stop telling yourself that maybe things will get better, they won’t. Ask yourself if you really want to throw your one life away by being miserable.
When I realized that the bad times outnumbered the good times, I still didn’t leave, but then when I realized there were no more good times, I decided it was time to move on.
As far as marriage, how can it be a real marriage when all the one spouse does is lie? That’s no partnership.
And compulsive lying really is only one of many character flaws, they commit adultery because it only involves more lying and lying is what they do. Often there are addiction issues, and compulsive spending issues.
I had to ask myself if I really wanted to live like that the rest of my life – and if so what was it that was wrong with me!!! And the answer was no, I am not a masochist, I do not want to live a whole life of lies, waste all my life, so I got out. No more excuses, the truth is what will set you free.
I have been with the same man almost 40 years, since I was 15. The last year has been a nightmare. He owns his own business and when I thought he was working he was at strip clubs. His business has been going down hill and instead of sharing he hid it and himself. He was drinking and denying and the list goes on and on! He swore he had told me the whole truth and of course o down the road more details came out! He lies about everything and has a good reason why he lies. Everything that comes out of his mouth I question. The saddest thing to me is he will go anywhere I want and never complains. The good person I get glimpses of is getting harder and harder to see and he is now 57 years old. Finacially I will be living paycheck to paycheck if I am lucky but when I look at my journal it has been one solid year of hoping things would change and getting suckered punched again and again by lies. Big or small they hurt all the same. I want out but yet I have been with this man for 40 years. I don’t deserve this treatment and just want peace and contentment without second guessing every conversation I have. Even our 4 grown children know how much he lies. How sad is that? Please don’t marry a man incapable of telling the truth. It only gets worse as time goes on!
I am starting to believe that my husband may be a compulsive liar. We have been married for just over a year but dated for 5 years before we got married. Most of his lies are small things. He dips (he lied about it for the first year we were dating…never would have dated him if i knew) and knows that I don’t like it…he has promised to quit and if I ask he will swear that he has been doing good and isn’t dipping anymore but then I will catch him dipping again. He even goes as far as to have friends buy it for him so that I won’t see the gas station charge on the debit card.
He also lies about small things to other people…he will come home from work and tell me a story about something that happened…then later that day I will hear him tell someone else the same story and it will be wildly exaggerated…when I ask him he always says that he was just joking!!!
I don’t know what to do….I love him but the little lies are starting to add up and I can’t tell when he is lying and when he is telling the truth.
It will get worse! Please try and go to marriage counseling and if he won’t go then find a therapist to help guide you on what is best for you. I am heading back to therapy to help make the decision or finding the courage to leave after 37 years of marriage. It has escalated with time and insecurity.
I’ve been married to a compulsive liar for 3 years. He’s been deceiving me since day 1. The disturbing part that hurts and enrages me is we met in a crisis center and he saw how shattered I was from my psychopath ex fiance who was pathological and just evil. I was hospitalized 3 times for suicide. My husband Knew this!
I was so broken and vulnerable when I met him that I actually demeaned myself and started paying for things which was a complete turn off. He told me the most extravagant stories of his life, where he lived, what he did, how horrible his exes were
My naive dumb ass believed all of it. This after coming out of a 12 year relationship with a controlling abusive psychopath who literally destroyed me personally and professionally because he brainwashed me into believing this crazy impossible story. I was so damaged by his abuse that I completely broke down.
I found him out after 3 months and was going to leave him. He talked me into staying if he stopped drinking, not thinking at the time that I’m leaving because of the betrayal. We moved a few months later and the lies never stopped. I’ve probably been the most stupid woman on the planet with the crap he told me. I’m sensitive and disturbingly naive. I always had signs, always my gut was to run far away but I stayed continually giving him chance after chance. What angers me is the lying caused me to spend thousands and thousands of dollars. I hate him!!! Mostly myself for being so stupid. My family told me to stay away when we first met. They were shocked that I’d even date someone like him let alone marry him.
My brother became so frustrated that he got really nasty with me which was out of character for him. Then all these other signs I couldn’t ignore. I was all set to leave again and gave him another chance because he agreed to get help. I found out from phone records that he had been texting another woman to set her up as his next provider! Even caused serious problems in her relationship with her boyfriend. He literally wanted to kill my husband he was so angry. His excuse was that I was getting so close to finding the truth that he got nervous. God forbid you just come clean right??? I gave him everything he needed to suceed and be a better man so I’m so hurt and betrayed isn’t heavy enough to describe the pain.
I finally got rid of him. He has nobody. Nobody. He’s going into a place that helps people with addiction and mental illness. I can’t even stand to look at him. Oh, and he’s gay. I found out that he texted a man for 9 hours when I kicked him out before. He put a wanted ad on Craigslist. His excuse, Oh, I was plan him to be my next person. Right??? You could have scammed another woman. It also explains his behavior are me. That’s my story folks!!!
There is really nothing more empowering than leaving a liar (and their lies) behind.
My husband of almost ten years has told a couple of whoppers in the past, basically to try and avoid taking responsibility or dealing with a situation but they have never been intentionally damaging or harmful.
But this year takes the biscuit. In January, out of the blue, he announced that he was leaving our marriage. Six months earlier we had moved country for his job…literally turned out lives upside down for the benefit of his career (and therefore our future family). He blamed it on me. I wasn’t trusting enough, supportive enough, beautiful enough. 2 months later, he finally (under duress) revealed that he had been unfaithful. He then spent the next six months lying about the nature of his affair and the other woman. He told me it was over. He invented false identities for her. He would phone me up at work to reveal a new side to the story, a new lie. I found out a month ago that he has been in a consistent relationship with her since January (the idiot got so confident/sloppy, he opened social media profiles to showcase his new life!). Backed into a corner, he finally filed for divorce (citing lies…unsurprisingly).
As much as I loved him. There is something so peaceful about knowing that my future will be lie free. I cannot imagine the anxiety and anguish of being with him and constantly having to wonder what is real and what isn’t…I’d rather have a speck of something true than an ocean full of lies…
Good for you! Let the next one have to put up with his never ending lies!
Hi AB, how are things now? I wonder about your age and stage of life. I realise since age 30 I have held on tight to the promises of reform from my lying and simultaneously very loving husband, out of fear of not being able to have a family with someone else. I’m now 36 and in the interim have been through the deaths of my mother, grandmother, best friend, two redundancies, and the loss of my health. I don’t underestimate the effects of these losses along with my marriage on my health. But I also feel that leaving now, I will lose the chance to meet someone else in time to have a family, and therefore bare that loss for the rest of my life. You sound confident in your post about your future life vision, I would love some of that.
I have read with great interest the comments and it is sobering. I have been married for 25 years to a generally great guy who I have loved most of my life. But the past several years he has demonstrated a dismissive attitude toward my feeling and concerns….much of it based on his lies. Recently he lost his job because he failed to keep a promise to his boss. He also lacks compassion toward me & I went through a stressful health crisis by myself – making all decisions on surgery alone because he never offered to accompany me to any consultations with my Dr or oncologist. He has also done things to humiliate me & only tells the truth when he is basically caught. I still love him, but don’t trust him & between that & his lack of compassion I can’t bring my self to want to have an intimate relationship with him. Part of me doesn’t want to let go because I keep hoping I will “fall in love with him” again, another part tells me I need to accept him & stay for the sake of our family & another part tells me I am not being fair to either of us. He has promissed me and others that he would change, seek help, etc, but so far has broken or ignored his promises. Am I a fool or do I just need to keep my faith that he will take responsibility ????
I feel so proud that i visited this page.
All the above stories feel like my own!
So, here’s mine: I have known this guy for like my whole life. We go to the same school and are even neighbours!
In the 9th standard he started telling me silly lies that he was a vampire and stuff. At first I thought it was a joke but compulsive liar or not he used to be very convincing! He made up such big and believable stories! Added characters to them and involved me even in that! And he told me that i was something like him too! I always thought that he is lying so i never believed him. But when it came to him, I thought how can someone lie about something so big?!! And i had never believed in such creatures at the first place but this guy was so manipulative! He kept spinning storiea one after the other! And in a few week I syarted believing him! And guess what? He lied to me for 4 YEARS! In the 11th standard we got into a relationship and even then he never told me the truth and i feel like the craziest person on earth beacuse i trusted him!
Honestly, it was not about believing in vampires and stuff but actually about trusting and having faith in him.
Even after coming in a relationship during fights i used to ask him if all of this was a lie and being the magnificent liar that he is..he just blackmailed me saying that even u r like the other and u dont trust me..wait till u see it with ur own eyes and i trusted him again!
A few months back he confessed that it was all a lie! And i was so devastated. That too, he confessed cuz i was going to leave him!
And all this while he was so confident with not even a little bit of guilt in his face!
when this lie came out he keeps stupid stuff like he is mentally ill and he is good at heart!
Still i decided to forgive him. he even lied about flirting with other girls on fb while we were dating! and he left it himself before proposing to me but never told me! And when i found out he told me that they were kust friends and then 2 weeks back he confeased that he used to flirt with them just like he did with me! I was heart broken but i gave him another chamce as he had said that he ll try to get rid of this habit of his. and that he ll always be honest with me! But he did it again! lied to me about his character! his intentions with other girls and dumped it on other people!
He never loved me and lied to me about everything! i kept crying and begging for the truth but he never c9nfeassed until caught red handed!
Sometimes he showed couragw and confeased upto 2% but agaib started lying!
He drove me mad! made me question my own sanity! and idk the problem with him cuz evertime i confronted him he just acted like he did it all in innocence and with no ulterior motives but his actions always contradict his words!
On top of being a spoilt flirt he is a big fat ugly liar! And a very selfiah person cuz he pulled me back everytime i wanted to leave! just foe the sake of his obsession!
After being in a destructive and painful and damaging relationaship with him for 9 months. I broke up with him. I had become suicidal but i am trting to get over it and forget all about it.
It’s tough cuz i have no one to support me and his obsession with me is a torture.
I met my ex-fiance when I was 19. We dated for a short 6 months and got separated as I found out that he had a gf and a wife to be. I was confused and heartbroken, thus I decided to end the relationship after confronting him (of cos he denied). 3 years had past, we had no contact but I still had feelings for him. One day, when I returned to work, I found out that we were working in the same department. It was really tough for me as I had to put up a very strong front. Pretending that his presence does not affect me while feeling terrible inside. He started texting me and asking me to meet up, my heart became soft and I met him. He confessed that he was a player and dated many girls but had changed for the better as he wants to settle down and wants to me with me. He promised to be transparent and cut off all his lose end. Things went on beautifully for 7 months. He changed his job. Rumors of him being flirtatious and ambiguous with his colleagues started coming in. I confronted him but he deny it. He started blasting and verbally abused me. He decided to relocate to another country due to work. Prior to the relocation, i found out that he was meeting another woman in that country. I confronted him, he said that he had enough of my insecurity and demand back for the proposal ring. I was broken, it was just 3 weeks after the proposal. He told me that he was just meeting a group of colleagues and I was just being sensitive. Somewhat we stayed on together as I loved him and I felt that he loves me. He left for his oversea position. 5 months past, he started telling me that his bipolar condition is back, he feels lost with his life. He started verbally abusive me and not contacting me as often. He stopped being sweet and nice. He kept finding fault with me and stirs up my emotion. On the day that he return back home he broke up with me via text. But few days after the break up I found out that he was actually 2 timing me. How could there be such a person. I treated him whole heartedly. I even thought that I was so sensitive that I went to a paychologist for therapy. His blasting was insane. I feel so sad, betray, angry, disappointed and everything. Will these people ever wake up from their nonsense?
All of these comments sound as though I wrote them. My dilemma is that although we’ve only been married for 8 years, we are in our 70’s. I now feel that I am stuck in this situation, and that there is no place for me to go. I have spent a lot of money on legal issues, and paid for an expensive car, etc on my own. To hear him tell it, I didn’t do anything. I hear all about this grand life he had over all these years, but although he claimed to have made “thousands” of dollars a month in his own business, has nothing to show for it, nothing. The property in which we reside was family property as he never owned anything except a GQ wardrobe. He actually lies mostly about money, and tries to hid his money. He wants me to spend all of my money. If I am buying, he wants to go out for dinner, shopping, etc., but if he doesn’t think I have any money, he sneaks out to shop by himself. In all these years, I never get household money from him; he pays his bills, and I pay mine. We are practically living separate lives within the house; I sleep alone and frankly, I just don’t have feelings for him anymore. At any given time I can find money he has hidden around the house; or check his bank and find that he has taken most of his income out (we are both on fixed income now). I feel at wits end because at this point (70 plus), I just don’t feel I have anywhere to go, although my children has said I can stay with them, I don’t want to be a burden, and I cannot now afford to get a place of my own. I feel this is a burden that I will take to my grave. I had so hoped when we married so have our last years filled with joy and laughter, travel and social events, but it is not to be.
My psycho perfect liar ex bf had a lot of masks he was wearing I didn’t know about. I never deserved the truth He was keep on lying till the end! I loved him and trust him but he was nothing else just full of shit and big fraud. I was an idiot and how could I not see he was a psycho clown. He deceived me in the most hurtful way. I was nothing but loving caring gf with big heart. I stand by him I trust him and loved him. I text his ex, and he was lying to her and her parents as well.
He was swearing on his mom and his nephew lives he wants to get married, he said he loves me more then I could ever imagine. He told me I’m 40 and will make great mother to our future children. He is perfect example of psycho man who will cover one lie with another one.
We start dating 2,5 years ago we both 40. We lived together my bf was always telling me how much he loves me, wanna get married and wants to have a family with me. He said he can’t imagine life without me I believed him and nothing else I wanted to make him Happy! I stand by him, trusted him and I help him when he need it or when he was down.
I loved him with all of my heart.
About 1,5 year ago we start trying for a baby, I always want to have kids and I was happy my bf wanna too. in October 2012 I had a 5 weeks miscarriage, and we couldn’t get pregnant. I had 2 ectopic pregnancy I can’t get pregnat naturally.
This year when I turned 40 I told him we are getting older and its a time to start family and have each other for good or bad time and if we don’t get help now we won’t ever have kids.
We went for IVF.
This summer we went away I double check and asked My bf does he really loves me and feels I m the one?
He said, Yes, he loves me and can’t imagine his life without me, swearing on his mother life that he wants to get married and have family and he will never hurt me!
He said He will make it right get a ring and we get married this year.
We went to the doctor sinned peppers and June We start IVF. He was taking a medications and injecting me In the morning and in the evening with hormones in my belly.
3 days before the surgery when they take ur eggs and make an embryo (baby) my nurse told me they can’t find my bf blood test. I knew that he when to get one in May.
That morning I came home and I asked him, where is your blood test, he said he has it and will make sure he will fax it to the doctor right away as soon as he gets to the office.
4 hours later I learned he never went for the blood test and just came home 2 month ago with a bandage in his arms, portending he did it! That was horrible lies.
Next day he told me he doesn’t wanna be a father he knew it all along but he was on keep lying.
After I spend so much money and injected so much hormones medicine. I was scared hurt confused and betrayed by someone I trusted, BELIEved and LOVE!
I knew I am 40 and will probably never have a chance to have a baby. I had only 2 days to make a deception, I decided to go alone.
NOW I’m pregnant and I am looking forward to my baby and I want so much. but I’m scared lonely and hurt i keep on thinking about MY LOVE was Fake he WAS NOT A MAN he never loved me and why would this happen to me:-(
I didn’t have any idea someone could portending loving you so much, bring you flowers, write you a love cards and he said how lucky he is having me. if someone told me he will deceived and hurt me this horrible way I would or could never believe. Looking back i can’t believe this happened to me, it was like a move script with perfect acting of con artist I saw on TV.
Maybe God doesn’t make mistakes I so want to be a mom. I want to share my future with someone. I want to celebrate the holidays with my future children. I did not begin this journey alone, but now I am at this place through no choice of my own. My single by choice is not really my choice.
Spycopath phobic podiatrist in NYC in Gramercy and he will never change.
I have the same problems my husband lies all the time, I know what to do, is to leave him, I’m tired of the lies confronting him all the time unbelievable and tiring, I’m 57 can’t believe that I am writing about this and why I got myself in the is situation. I have been threaten to be hit or he breaks my things just recently he through soda all over me and the inside of my car due to the fact that I told him I was leaving him because of the lies and has no respect for me. I guess I’m writing this for myself that am not going to look back with my decision to leave him.
Hi
my comment come from the other side.
i married my beautiful wife 10 years ago, 3 or 4 days she had enough of me and we are separated, and we will end divorcing probably.
i left a girlfriend for her when i meet her, after 3 months dating she needed to come back to her country as he visa expired, i promise her i loved her and i will go to bring her back and get married. in the meantime my ex girlfriend got involve with me and got pregnant but she didnt say anything to me. my wife and i got married 3 month later and then i find out my ex girlfriend was pregnat. my wife newly wife was devastated and broken for first time. i stuck with my wife aand i agrre to pay my support towards a child i dont know and i dont see. not the litte one fault.
i always been a lier, for everything and for big and small things, but with my wife I changed, i was having ilusion for everything, and being a good person and husband, my wife develop with me to a beautiful amazing and intelligent woman,during this first 6 years i progress in my job and i secured a good position with good money, later on i was having a lot of pression at work, dissapointments and had a boss who was constanly bulling me, so i become distand and selfish, i start looking another girls which i never done during the 6 years before as my wife was my idol.
i meet a girl and i send all our savings, i bought things for her and slpash out without thinking the consecuences.
obviously my wife find out, a terrible situation for me but for her too as she felt humilatted and betrayed and again the trust broken, but she forgave me. i promise her that would never happen again and we start again. in the meantime i thought we were happy she start texting guys on line and she meet one person one week end. i saw some texts on her phone and she told me she done cause she was unhappy and because what happen before broke her heart and she needed a distraction. i forgave her, cause i loved her. that was the only bad thing she ever done to me.
2 years later for xmas that girl i meet contact me and i start getting involve again and i spend money again and again another betrayel for my poor wife. but she forgave me again and after a while we started to be happy again.
i manage to be ok after after that until summer this year when my behaviour got out of control and a consecuences of lies and mistakes got me out of the job i and my wife fought very hard and now i am losing her cause she had enough of me.
i will change forever cause this time my life is falling apart and i lst the love of my life, and i need to show her i changed and she can be proud of me back again but she will take me back?
she loved me uncondinationally and i will do anything to ger her back
but i love her so much and i am so sad i make her pain all these years i really want her to be happy, i would like with me but i know she deserve better.
Well like many of you I am on this site because my husband is a liar. All the red flags were there the week leading up to our wedding. I decided to marry him anyway thinking that he would improve and see the error of his ways well nothing has changed it has only gotten worse. He is an emotional abuser….I have moved out and wanted to still work on the marriage however he continues to lie and manipulate so I am moving forward with a divorce. I have noticed a eerie connection with most of us anonymous women/men posting here…..we stay up late and post our most intimate secrets of betrayal because it is eating us up alive we need to let it all out. it is very alarming that so many of us are going through this! All I can say is I have not even celebrated my one year anniversary with this man as we married on valentines day 2014 and all he did was put me through hell all this year however ladies i tell you if i can do it and move on so can you i left with the clothes on my back and eventually found a cheap place its not the greatest but i have a peace of mind and its only temporary….this man will never change its rooted deep inside them ladies…please dont waste your life there is someone out there that will treat you like the queen you are and she looks alot like you!!! you can treat yourself like you deserve….they walk all over us becasue we let them!!! My husband is a so called born again Christian and so am i however Jesus said you will know them by their fruit of the spirit and trust me this leads me to believe he is not saved at all but just a religious man who wants to show church folk one thing we when is actually a user and abuser!! Yes it hurts that my marriage failed after not even a year but i would rather cut my losses now i do still deeply love him but if i told you all the awful things this man has done to me you would tell me to run for the hills…. im writing this to encourage a woman reading this….please if i can leave so can you…you must take this one step at a time…one day at a time…prayer is key…God hates divorce yes however it is not Gods best that we are used and abused instead of Boaz we got booozoooo…..trust me ladies life is too short to have all of the physical illness and stress this has caused on our bodies please start loving your self today!!! I dont wish this feeling on no one i have cried myself to sleep many night and still very hurt by all of this but its time to flip the switch and take our life back!!! God bless you all and please dont go in 2015 like all the other years its time for a transformation all things old have passed away!!!
Please give me some advice. My husband of 9yrs is a compulsive liar. I’ve known his lying tendencies for some time but not the extent. Most of the lies appear to be financial but God only knows what these could be to cover up for. We are financially ruined as a result – and that’s just the things I know about. Im not stupid enough to think I know all there is.
I am terrified of what will come out next. I’m terrified to kick him out, I’m terrified not to. I’m terrified of what my future holds both with or without him. Most of all, I’m terrified of what whatever decision I make will do two my 4 & 6 yr old children. I don’t trust my own judgement anymore.
Anyone in the same position with young children?
See a therapist to help you sort things out then I would start preparing for exiting your relationship and starting a new life.
Why why do they keep hurting us. What is so wrong with it’s their brains that cause them to do this to us. And what is wrong with my brain to keep staying
I’m with you on that! Same here. Luckily mine isn’t around much so I don’t have to deal with it often.
Reading all these sad stories is making me see that my planned escape is the right thing to do . I have been with my liar of a husband since the age of 16 , I am now 45 . Right from the start he has lied to me and manipulated me in feeling sorry for him ( not that I could see it at that time ) . He has had numerous affairs one of which resulted in fathering a child less than a year before we were to be married ! To this day he still denies he has a son ! Whenever I confronted him about any of his affairs he would become angry and on the odd occasion was physically violent . He was in military for 10 years do we moved around a lot and he had the opportunity to meet lots of women . I always forgave and moved on . He was also sent to army prison and it was only 12 years later I found out the true reason – stealing , he lied to me about this. I stood by him and when he came out of prison he started an affair with yet another female soldier and in fact got engaged ! I found this out after he left the military 1 year later and the girl rang me . He dined it to me and I forgave again . He was in and out of jobs then 1 day he left me and our daughter for a much younger girl he had met at work . I was broken but divorced him after 2 years separation . Unfortunately his relationship with her broke down because of his lies and we had become friends for our daughter sake and one thing lead to another … I took him back ! I fell pregnant with our second daughter after a few months and yet again he had an affair . He pleaded with me to remarry which I stupidly did after 6 years back together and I thought all was good . I always believed if I loved him and supported him enough he would change and love me that same way . The last 3 years have been awful he had yet another long term affair , I lost a really close friend through sticking by him , I am a financial mess , I have no feeling of self worth and totally let everything about me go . I have put him first for all these years , we lost a house , various cars , have been living in rented accommodation for years and having to move all the time despite me having a very successful professional career . The final straw came last year I found out that he was under investigation by police for theft and fraud ! At. This time I also found out that he was telling people that I had left him for another man ! When I confronted him re legal issues I told him that I couldn’t live like it anymore and that our marriage was probably over . I was in a very dark place mentally to the point where the only way out I could see was suicide thankfully the thought of my girls stopped me . I then found out he was messaging women on dating sites arranging to meet up . I told him calmly them that the marriage was over and was expecting abuse and anger but he shocked me with his reaction and was like a broken child sobbing . Of course this led to me agreeing to one last chance and he had 1 year to prove himself and get help . I am now at the point where I just want it to be over I have confused in my oldest and dearest friend who never knew the half of what has gone on . She informed me that her and all my friends have said from the early days why am I with him he constantly lies about everything .. Small insignificant lies to big life changing ones .i wish I had had the strength that I have found recently years ago . I have wasted all my adult life on this damaging relationship and am in process of getting the help I need to leave . Despite all of this I still care about him a hell of a lot because he does have some really lovely qualities and I’m scared he will manipulate me to stay
Beyondbreakingpoint: I have 2 young children with my husband of 4 years and another son. Our marriage is a lie to start with….reading the many posts was an eyeopener for me. For 4 years, I have been feeling sorry for him, killing myself trying to help him but destroying who I am in the midst of that. His compulsive liar from how is your mom (his answer is I don’t know when he spoke to his mom maybe a few minutes before that). I often ask myself–why he does that…something so simple, there was no need to lie. That’s just one example. In addition to him being a compulsive liar, he is also a compulsive shopper for no reason…he can’t stop himself from going to the mall and the store to shop for stupid clothes that he never wears..he has a suitcase full of clothes with tags and continues to shop most of the time same jeans, slightly different color ans when we go out..he wears the same old clothes/pants over and over. I look back and say to myself that this man is really really sick. In the beginning, I wanted to help him and rescue him and cure him because for the same reason that the article note that these men lies–low-self esteem, compulsive shopping-feeling the need to fill an emptiness–lack of control and the need to control his world by lying and compulsive shop…
but I realized that I am his wife…not his mom or his therapist. As wives, we try to help to the point that the person wants and accept the help and most importantly-are greatly that we accept their challenge and want to stick around to see them through whatever they are going through.
However–there is a limit and for my husband, his self destruction has taken the best of me and turning me into a person that I don’t like. I am normally a caring. loving person, always go above and beyond for me…but living with him, I am learning to not see him thereby not affected by his lies or don’t question him so that he doesn’t have to lie to me. And in my husband’s case–me trying to help, instead of him being appreciative he developed animosity, hatred and anger toward me and now he blame me for talking to much, pressuring and stressing him. He tells me he is scared to tell me the truth or talk to me so he has to lie. Now my attitude is If I don’t talk about the selfish things that you are doing, If I focus on taking care of myself and my young children (3 children). Now his thing is I am mad for no reason that’s his new accuse…still trying to not face his problem and blame me…I look at him and say “I am not upset, I am ok”.
Though that’s not the vision of marriage that I had, for now I am praying God day by day to help me focus on what’s important to my sanity–bettering myself for my 3 children, keeping a roof over their heads and taking care of me (I also gained a lot of weight with the stress of the marriage I turned to food). I am learning every day to not make him the center of my world and to make God, me and my children the center of my world. I will eventually leave, that’s my plan but for now he helps me with the kids (except I have to ask all the time), he takes care of the lawn, bring my car around, my handyman, I gave him a few bills to pay, he takes care of the kids childcare, oh even go to church and do activities with me when he feels like it.
For 4 years, I allowed his issues to take the best of me…The new acting role that I am playing is not easy because I am not an actor and that was not my dream of a marriage, but I am at a crossroads in my life in terms of carreer-need to find a much better and higher job (so I can pay someone to do my snow, repair/maintenance work around the house..some for the handy stuff that he does), have some savings, and be able to sell my house, move and be at a point where I will be more comfortable, financially and emotionally ready to be a single mother of three. With God’s help, I will find the strength to stay focus on my plan to leave him in the next 2-3 years. Or miraculously, he might move out because he will see that I am no longer feeding his compulsions or his carpet to walk on; An hey, you never know, he might wake up one day and transformed to a new man…(my first instinct is to doubt but I don’t like to doubt life and the power of God so I am focusing on myself and my kids) and always will keep this phrase in the bible dear to me: (Exodus 14:14)The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” and off course my Serenity prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Stay strong!! and thanks for reading my long post..
I have found this site so helpful. Thank you.
I have recently left my ex who is a compulsive liar. The worst part is that he has poisoned some of my closest friends against me, and I’m shattered about that. They knew he lied but he is charming and a practiced victim and manipulator so I am now the evil person. I couldn’t believe it when they turned against me.
I have a supportive agency visiting me, but it would be really helpful if there was an online forum? chatline? for people like me. Today I lost another friend and I don’t like to phone others about this at unsociable hours. Does anyone know of a forum where people discuss issues like this and get (almost) immediate responses?
Thanks
I wish I could tell you of an online chat forum but I don’t know of any. I can say this: The people that you have called “friends” but have turned their backs on you and judged you ARE NOT TRUE FRIENDS! I’ve learned over the years that “true friends” are few and far between and when you find one, keep them close to your heart for ever! I think we all use the term “friend” w/o truly considering the definition of “friend.” Do what’s best for you and don’t let your ex define who you are.
I’ve been lying my whole life. Not about everything, but definitely when it suits me. I normally wouldn’t classify the lying as compulsive, but when I’m in a fight-or-flee situation, it definitely is. I want to change. I’ve been to therapy a handful of times, and at first I didn’t think it was helping, but that’s because I wasn’t being completely honest with the therapist. Once I started opening up about my childhood, and we were able to uncover some of the real reasons I was lying (fear of detachment/abandonment, not wanting to disappoint the ones I love), it began to make more sense.
For any other liars out there, if you truly love the people you’re lying to, you absolutely have to connect the following two things: the pain you inflict with your lies, and remembering to tell the truth. If you’re at rock bottom, remember the low.
I’ve tried these methods with (more or less) positive results:
– If you lie, cop to it, and sooner rather than later. Lying is bad, but keeping the lie going is the worst. You absolutely have to do this. It’s better if you can catch yourself mid-lie and not complete it, but if you tell a lie and five minutes later admit that it was a lie, perhaps the next time it will only take three minutes, then one. This is one of the hardest parts.
– Take a picture of yourself crying in one of those brief moments of remorse, and look at it multiple times each day. It will humiliate and humble you.
– Wear a rubber band around your wrist and every time you even think of being dishonest, snap it.
– Keep a private journal of your lies (and the truth they cover up) even if you didn’t tell them. The more you write them down, the easier it is to realize how foolish the lie is.
– A lot of lying stems from low self-esteem, so start meditating or doing daily affirmations. Look in the mirror and say “I lie to others, hurt them, and I forgive myself. I am going to tell the truth today.
– That last bit is the most important. It’s impossible for a liar to promise that he will never lie again. But he can say “I will not lie today” and actually deliver on that.
Trust is rebuilt as promises are kept over time. Since trust is the foundation of any relationship, rebuilding that broken (or decimated) foundation is done brick by brick, kept promise by truth told.
I have been married for three years and we just had a daughter. I was madly in love with my husband. We moved away from my home state because we got stationed elsewhere but I want to leave. Ever since my daughter was born it seems like my husband has so many more lies. He even admits that he is a good liar and acts like I don’t know when he is lying to me. There is constant financial issues, I’ve offered him help and support but it seems the less money we have the more he wants to spend on wasteful things. One paycheck just disappeared too, no food in the house no baby wipes for our daughter. Than he always lies about where he is going, who he is going to see. He keeps telling me that he has never cheated and never will but he is texting a girl who send him naked photos, he always has an excuse like I was being sarcastic, we are just friends… He has pictures of his ex girlfriend because he likes to know what she is up to… What!? I know i have flaws too but I’m so tired and I want to get out before it’s too late but what about my daughter? If it’s something that is from his childhood can he even change? His family all lie.. Like telling each other all these things about him to each other and all of those are lies too!! It’s crazy… And so sad to be living in a life/relationship of excuses and lies.
I was with a compulsive liar for 18 years – we have a son together. You must leave a compulsive liar as you will start to hate yourself in the end. Even after I ended the relationship I believed I caused a lot of his lies because I thought he was frightened to tell the truth. He lied about everything – his health, finances, work, where he was going, who he was seeing – the list goes on and on. But now I know his lies had nothing to do with me as I looked at his LinkedIn profile recently and everything on there is a lie. While I was with him he had one job after another – but on his linked in profile he has put that he worked for the same company (one he never set foot in) for 14 years! In a way it was a relief to see his lies in black and white for all to see and on such a public place. It was hard at first but now three years later I am enjoying being on my own and am always meeting up with friends and am sure I will meet someone else soon and this time I will listen to my gut instincts – they are usually right. Have the courage to end the relationship – it is a waste of time and energy staying with a liar – you will never ever get the truth from them. Find someone else and be happy – we all deserve to be happy.
I wrote my story quite a few comments earlier…. Ive been pretty a lot a out my situation. I feel very alone in my marriage. And none of my friends or family members know even a portion of what has gone on in my relationship. I’m so torn as to whether or not leave my husband, not only because I have 2 small children, but also because I am a Christian. And it is encouraged to do everything in your power to work on your marriage. But at what point do I say to myself that I’ve done everything in my power to save this? When my kids are grown and I’ve spent all of my young years with a husband who makes me feel so lonely and dead inside? His lies are suffocating me and I dont know how to keep it together anymore. Please continue to pray for me friends. And may God protect and guide you all in your lives.
I’ve been with this guy less than a year, he has been so lovely and sweet during this time, but recently I just found out he’s lying about his age by 20 something years. I confronted him for what I found, and he admitted in the end and was sorry for what he did. Now he didn’t contact me much at all and didn’t wanna continue the relationship because of what he did. Is he a compulsive liar? I am really confused right now. Please help.
The story of my life has been told over and over by what I am reading here. Met a wonderful man who was good to me and my children. Heard about all his accomplishments. Accepted his proposal when he asked to marry me.
Four and a half years later and we are not married. He treats my children worse than the dogs. AND the LIES.
He was not Special Forces in the Military. Did not serve in Vietnam. How do I know? I actually requested a copy of his military records from the National Archives. He has a whole rack of uniform ribbons that he never earned.
I’ve been with him long enough that he tells me the same story differently and doesn’t remember how he told it the first time. I’ve heard him tell different “versions” of the same stories to many many people.
When I caught the first lie…. the first time I heard the same story told differently. I just sat quietly.
I then took myself to a computer and researched everything he had ever told me about himself.
Lied about how many wives, how many kids. Lied about being in his son’s lives. Told me he married every woman he slept with. So why did he have to be sued in court for paternity of one of his sons? And he never did marry his mother. Although he was married to his other son’s mother he gave away his parental rights to her second husband and neither of his biological sons have his last name.
He has lied about having a wife and daughter that died in a car accident.
He has 3 or 4 ex wives but never one that died, and no record of ever having a daughter.
Has lied about employment history.
He’s not very good at remembering dates and often that is glaringly obvious. Don’t know if he thinks I’m stupid or is just so used to lying he doesn’t even know he’s doing it anymore.
If I didn’t want to make his elderly mother’s life difficult I would speak to her about these things. She could clear up a lot, but she is a good woman and doesn’t deserve to have to deal with this at age 93.
I want to tell him to leave my house, yet I am afraid of him and his supposed expert CIA and firearm skills. I do know he could kill me and make it look like an accident. Run run run from a partner like this my friends.
I kicked my lying husband out four days ago and for the first time in six years I feel so relaxed and happy. The stress of never knowing what is real and what is bull was depressing, frustrating and driving me crazy. He just texted me a few moments ago telling me how much he loves me and misses me. I don’t miss him and I’m not responding to his pleas. The two biggest myths are that a women can change a man and men believe a women will never leave. I told my lying, conning husband that right before I kicked him out. THEY WILL NOT CHANGE. LEAVE AND BE HAPPY. Living with a liar is miserable. Conversations with a liar is pointless. When you are with a liar it is the same as being alone.
I have spent the last two years witih a compulsive liar for a boyfriend, it took me a year to realise, at first I thought he was just exaggerating but as time went on it became clearer that he was lying most of the time and that he couldnt help himself. The trouble is that it makes me doubt everything he says, and it has been heartbreaking because I love him, but I find it more and more impossible to deal with and it affects my trust so I am thinking about ending it. It seems automatic for him to lie, but he cannot take the truth, he would lose face so much. I feel stuck, but also I feel that for my own sanity I have to give up. He also wont talk about it, he changes the subject and just keeps on talking so that communication has become impossible. What to do?
I have been married just over 5 years and it has been a terrible/good at times journey. I am literally going insane because of his lies. He says one thing but I know or suspect the truth yet he screams and turns away. I am just realizing that I may need to get out while I still have time, but it’s so difficult, especially when they’re telling you a lie as truth. I question, question, question myself. I cannot take this anymore, I’m going insane. I’m exhausted
I was was reading these posts and thinking, “wow, I’m not alone.” But the more reading I’m doing the more I realize maybe I am? Not a single one of you ladies can help or relate. All I hear is run for the hills. It will ruin your life. I know my boyfriend of five years history. The real one, albeit finding it out on my own. What I was wanting to know though, was how do I support him? What can I do to be the most supportive girlfriend and help him work through this? As a team, as partners. Can anybody relate? Anybody at all? Obviously we are seeking professional help but I just wanted to know how other spouses are being supportive.. I think I really am alone now though.
Jane, you are not alone, but there are not many of us in our boat. Most people with partners who are compulsive liars will doubtless be better off if they find the strength to leave and move on, learning the lesson and (hopefully) not having to repeat. But then there are those few of us who want to be the supportive partner who can be there to help this person, who has so many good qualities too, become the best possible person they can be, become the person (I believe) they truly want to be. Can we do it? I don’t know yet. Maybe, maybe not. What will it cost us? It will gain us nothing to “save” the other at the cost of our own self-ness. Why are we doing it? For truly altruistic reasons, or just to prove we can rescue someone? That’s an ego reason, and won’t work in the long run. I think love can triumph, but I believe it must be the kind of tough love that sometimes works to help the other addicts and abusers. And we have to love ourselves enough to not allow them to manipulate and use us (which enables them), and we have to love ourselves enough to only use our energy to help them use their own energy to help themselves, because we really can’t save them, we can only help provide an environment within which they can save themselves, if they will. And maybe they won’t. That is not ours to say. If we are strong enough, we may find that we can love them and do this without holding an expectation of the outcome. Love can work miracles. God can work miracles. This might be the most important thing we’ve ever done in our lives. And it still might not ‘work’. I don’t know yet. I want to do this, and I realize it requires absolute, utmost self-honesty on my part, and that’s tricky for me, because I’m gullible, or I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place, would I. But I’m willing to try it, because even if it’s the hardest thing we’ve ever done in our lives, it’s worth doing, for myself, and maybe even for my partner, if they take the opportunity to learn and grow and heal. So no, you’re not alone. Talk to your professional helper, too, who can tell you how to stay with a broken person without becoming equally broken. If there is a way. I don’t know, yet. I hope so. Keep praying for all of us.
I feel the same way – what is the current status with you both? Has staying helped? I just posted my story below – though there is much more to it obviously.
Hi
I have been seeing my partner for 8 months and just recently found out the truth (hopefully) of the last 8 months. I cant work out if he is a compulsive liar or if he got caught in a very big lie and then lied to support all that – because everything else he has told me about his past etc his mum has confirmed is true.
He has 2 children (16 and 12) which he told me about from day 1. When I met him he was living in a flat share with a guy, but he never wanted to take me to the flat because it was messy and the flat mate often had his young daughters round. Quite soon I was seeing him every night and and things were going well. He has been an amazing boyfriend he does so much for me, and treats me so well in all aspects – however recently his ex girlfriend (who he had told me was just a mate) contacted me to tell me he had an ex-wife and 2 more children.(ages 3 and 4)
he denied this for a day before i asked him to be completely upfront with me and he told me it was all true. Said that he had been seeing his ex for 3 months before me and the ex-wife and kids was true and he saw his girls twice a week within working hours (hence why no unexplained absences).
i asked him to tell me anything else that was a lie and to be upfront he said there was nothing else.
Turns out – he was with his ex for 6 months, he started seeing me when it was on the out with her. i can to a certain degree accept this as a white lie as i was still dating others when i started seeing him. I could also accept the logic around the fact he was scared to tell me about his young girls initially, as its a big thing and a completely different situation to having older children. He said as relationship progressed he didnt know how to tell me as was scared i would end it. I understand that. But also more lies have been uncovered (by me asking him very specific questions and him finally telling the truth) – his parents know nothing about me – he had told me they knew about me and i would see them at some point (i am very busy so he had plenty of excuses in terms of my unavailablity); he says he couldnt tell his parents as then they’d be pressuring him to meet me and they couldnt meet me until he’d told me about his ex wife and 2 children. (although he had gone to the lengths of sending me a couple of fake emails from his mum) However it turns out also he was living with his ex when he met me so when he split up, he had no where to go – he made up the flat mate etc and shitty flat so i didnt want to go round, when in reality he was staying on peoples couches etc. This was compounded by the fact that he had no money – he is paying inordinate amounts for child support for 4 children, and although he gets a good salary, he was also trying to pay for stuff for me all the time to be a good boyfriend – so he couldnt save any money for a deposit to get somewhere to live. so he has effectively been living with me though i didnt know it. It all came to a head when he had absolutely no money and had to borrow from me, and his reasoning was that his made up flat mate hadnt paid him rent and done a runner. I told him to serve notice on his flat as he couldnt afford it on own and move in with me temporarily to sort new accomodation that he could afford.
All of this because he couldnt tell me how skint he was as i knew how much he got paid and i knew how much CSA was for 2 children (not 4) so would not have been able to understand why he was so skint. He says he was embarrassed that his life was such a mess, and im so together, and have a good job, and how could i possibly want someone in such a mess as him.
But its the little lies that kill me -when he was at his parents and i was away, we were planning a holiday together and he was saying about how his mum was giving him places to go and they were talking about it all.
I just cant work out if he got himself into a massive hole, or he has a compulsion. As i say he hasnt lied about anything else in his past as i googled his mum, called her and had the whole discussion with her. So its just everything to do with me he has lied about – all to protect the lie about additional 2 children, and to protect the lie that he met me when he was with someone else.
I really love him, and like i say the time that we spent together he was loving caring, did anything for me, was thoughtful, helpful, romantic- absolutely everything anybody could want. I just dont know whether now once its all out in open he will continue to lie about little stuff as and when it comes up, or its all out and he can just be HIM now without fear of me finding out.
Past is past – exes etc – i can get over that – but my biggest fear is that ive asked him to come clean 100% and hes promised me thats all it is – and then ive asked more questions and hes had to say ‘thats not true either’ he says its because he cant remember all the lies he told to support the 3 pretty big lies he told initially so its only when i ask that he remembers and then tells me it wasnt true.
As a first step he has volunteered to sit with me and his parents and go through everything, get everything out, and admit all his lies. I think thats positive as it takes a lot to sit in front of people you love who will be disappointed in you and admit everything. He has also voiced concerns that he might have a problem because there are so many lies and he cant remember them so has started looking for clinics and wants me to go along to the sessions to hear everything he has to say.
Or am i completely deluding myself.
I have been with my husband since we were teenagers, married 18 years with 3 kids. In the past 5 years he has had some unlucky situations with work (although I’m beginning to think a lot have been self inflicted) which have knocked his confidence. Compared to all his peers he feels a failure & reading this introduction I think maybe that’s where the basis of the lies stems from. whereas he always had an inclination to tell “small” lies these past difficult years, the lies have gotten bigger and more deceitful to the point where I had to take my kids out of school, sell my car and am now about to lose my house. I have always worked and provided but he took on the financial responsibility for making payments which it now transpires he wasn’t doing at all as nothing was paid and we have court summonses and bailiffs turning up at our door. There’s always a reason, he’s “spoken to them & it was a mistake” it’s all ok, he’s getting a big commission cheque “next week” then there’s a reason why it doesn’t happen. He’s done so may deceitful things from lying about petty stuff (not booking parents evening off work when he said he did then I saw email that he hadn’t) to hiding a court summons addressed to me so I didn’t turn up as I wasn’t aware of it. His family make excuses constantly “but you scream & shout so he can’t talk to you” how would he know when he never tried?! If I confront him about large cash withdrawals or things I find out to be untrue or the fact I have no money for food he throws a fit & runs away & starts shaking & sobbing. I didn’t actually realise until I read this thread what a behavioural pattern this all is. Anyway I have tried for so long to give him the benefit of the doubt & save my family unit and all the years of history but it’s gone on way too long & I have reached the sad realisation that after all the therapy & protestations of his willingness to change that actually he never will. I am now looking for a more high paying job & am almost relieved the house needs to be sold as it gives me the opportunity to leave and make a fresh start knowing that my kids would have lost their home anyway and not through any fault of mine. Thank you for this thread and making me not feel so alone and not feel such an idiot. Also I agree with all the ones who say their husbands are draining and exhausting and make them feel as though they’re going mad as that’s how I feel on a daily basis. He has sucked the life out of me & now I can’t wait to be rid of him.
Wow, I am just in awe, over everything that I just read. I want to cry, scream, run away, beat my husband and just curl up and die!
I am married to a compulsive liar! When I first met my now husband, there was just something about him that attracted me and the attraction was mutual. We had met for drinks one day and he had said a few things that I thought was bullshit, but I humored his stories, even though I questioned what he has said. He claims that what he told me was true!
we ended up getting together and during the first year and a half, I caught him in little lies and eventually several big one. When I confronted him, he first denied it, but when I told him of my findings, he admitted that he lied. His ex-wife had told me that he was a habitual liar and believed his own stories. I thought that she was just being the jealous ex, but she was telling some truth about him. We eventually got married and shortly after that, he started acting weird. I would eventually find out the within a couple of weeks of getting married that he had singed up for some dating site and was texting several women. I would ask him if he was seeing someone else, or if he was interested in other women and he would say NO. I knew something was off.
I eventually discovered the text messages, sexting and emails. I called one of the women and confronted her, but she was scared and backed off. I confronted him and he lied. He promised that he would never do it again and that he didn’t k ow why he did do it. However, that was a lie too. I later discovered that one of the women he became friends on fb, and when I asked him, he said that they went to school together. He lied to me for a year and recently I spoke to this woman and she told me everything. He still lied up until the day that she and I spoke.
I have given him so many opportunities to be honest and I have loved him and stood by his side and even so, he has betrayed me and lied to me. I have become so depressed and confused that I feel so lost. I don’t want to give up on him because I know that this is an illness, but I also know that if he doesn’t seek medical help, it will destroy us.
Like many others, I have backed off with my emotions and affection and it has pushed him to be more loving and acting like he is there for me. I know that it will soon change back to the way he has been and I will be destroyed and devastated once again. I made a commitment when we married and I truly do not want to break that, or my promises the way that he did and does.
I dated a compulsive liar for 6 months. 6 months doesnt seem very long, but the amount of destruction it caused.
We had both moved to different cities from our hometown, he decided to move back to our hometown, he had a flat organised and asked me if I would move down to be with him….stupidly I agreed.
I quit my job, packed up my life and drove down to our new life, he told me he was at the airport about to board his flight. I waited at the airport and he never showed, I messaged him and he told me he had to stay in (his city) for a few more days. Cheers for telling right? This was the first warning sign i should have taken, he promised to get me the key to our new flat but would never give me an address or the leasing companies details (claiming a small family business) of course that never happened. He paid for me to come over as I had no where to stay…I was vunerable, perhaps if I had had more money or a friend to stay with I would have never got into this toxic relationship. We had a lovely month or so until I had to go back to tie up loose ends…around this time I suspect he had run out of real money, he always promised to put money in my bank account, pay for my flight home, but failed.
His father ended up paying for me to go home, I sorted my stuff and when it came time to go back he sent me pretend flight tickets, made up references to money transfers and I ended up sleeping in an airport for 9 nights and didnt eat for many days.
His father once again helped me get back. I had a bed, food to eat so i was at the time thankful to be back.
We always had money issues, same shit, someone owed him this and didnt pay, bank screwed up, etc etc I started asking him about why all this was happening, something didnt seem right, he then miraculously got a job, which later I found out never existed, so eager to cover his tracks he made a fake contract and left the house everyday, he even made up work friends and stories about their lives…sick right. I had not been working due to illness, but went out anyway and got a job, i saved everything I earnt and ran away home. I am sick to the stomach thinking of his lies (seriously this post has about 5% of his lies) but I am out now and have learnt to never ever be in the position you cannot support yourself and have to rely on others. He is just a sad pathetic twisted excuse for a human
Caught husband in a lie tonight…were separated because he left and now I have a better reason for him to stay GONE!
I heard my husband say today “he lies to protect me” I laughed so hard..
My boyfriend is a liar as well. It makes me very sad I love him dearly cause he is a hard working man and takes care of me. However it’s getting to the point were I just want to get revenge for the hurt he as cause and blame he has put on me. Not saying I am a saint. That is so far from the truth however am I as bad as he makes me seem??? It’s very heart breaking cause he could be a wonderful man and to think of how this lieing as come about from him feeling so much hate toward himself I am very conflicted. I have so much emotion for him it very very hard I would hate for him to be sad and alone. Sometimes I feel I should just be happy with the way it is cause I don’t want to be alone. Any ways. I am lost And very sad. Thanks for letting me vent
Take care
All of the above. I wish I could go back and tell my young self “run sweety, run as fast and hard as you can”. Although my children were the blessing of this marriage. Last week our family was on a long car ride and the topic of crazy people moving into our town came up. HUsband went into great detail about standing in line behind a woman who insisted on returning food. She argued with the cashier who replied not only is it against our store policy to take back purchased food, your olive oil has expired since you made this purchase so long ago. I’m staring at him. I was the one who had this encounter at our local market. I told him this story 2 months prior when he asked what had taken me so long at the grocer. I reminded him this had happened to me, not him. His reply? It happened to me too! Years upon years of lies and the turn around. They will feed off your reaction. And when I found a picture of a woman on his phone and a hotel text? He was secretly on a site trying to bust me and he thought the woman was me. Anyone who is reading this and not invested…run sweety.
My husband doe the same thing! I tell him a story that happened to me and he repeats it as if it happened to him! This has happened so often, I don’t even say anything anymore.
I wish these were the only lies he has told
Mine does this too!!!! I will tell him a story about something that happened to me, and weeks or months later he will tell the story to people acting like it was HIM that encountered it! I will stop him dead in his tracks and say, “Ummm yeah, that was me, not you. Your stealing my stories and life now?” He will also rudely interrupt me when I am telling a story (when he wasn’t even there!) and tell the story and finish it! I am like, “wtf?” Then I look like the rude crazy one b/c I stop him and say, “No, your lying, stop lying.” Or “Stop interrupting me, gosh.” For a guy, my husband loves to gossip. And be around woman and listen to all the stories and gossip. Be a man and go around the guys. He won’t though.
I’ve been married less than a year. When we meet two years ago he was charming, a gentleman and strong in his faith of God. After marriage he gave me half ownership of his businesses. I’m now working in the office(2 months now) and learning that he lies about everything from finances to the smallest of things. For the first seven months of my marriage we didn’t live together. I couldn’t live there due to allergies to his 18 year old sons husky. Well the dog never got put out and after seven months I felt it time we reevaluate our marriage so he decided to move to my home. Now I see how much he lies. I can’t trust him with anything and it is now affecting my relationship with my family because of his constant bragging and lying as they don’t care to be around him.
I have known my husband for 18 years, and he to this day still lies so much that I am seeking a divorce. It is EVERYTHING he lies about. To something so petty and small that it wouldn’t even matter to tell the facts (truth) because it wouldn’t affect anything, he will lie about it. He lied to me today about a situation that if I would have reached out to this person and talked to them, it would have been a nightmare. I knew from the moment he told this lie, it was just that…a lie. I responded to him that he had has the option to tell me the truth, that he indeed made this up, or he was out of our home. He tried to use is tired ways of saying, “Oh no, it happened. This really happened” to then admit (within 30 seconds which is time breaking for him) that he had made it up. He lied and made this story up b/c he didn’t want to fight about him not being in counseling about his LYING!! Seriously! I can’t make this stuff up! He wanted to draw the attention away from him and that topic, to someone else, and hope I would be “okay” with him and would let the fact that he needs major help slide again. This has been an ongoing battle for 18 years. He will never change. One shrink already diagnosed him as a pathological liar, and guess what he did? He left and never went back. He brags to everyone about his life, job, home, car, material items, but in reality, he has horrible credit, rents a home, has a junk car and zero friends or family that will speak to him. Everyone along the path of 18 years figures out how he really is and wants nothing to do with him. It doesn’t matter where he moves to he never has one single friend. Me on the other hand, I am outgoing lots of friends very close to my family and he can’t stand this. He always tries to get my family against me by telling them lies, and with my friends. He is very controlling also. He reminds me of people you see on the news that has zero remorse for anything and zero expression. I have never seen him cry once or even muster up a tear. Even with the saddest situations or deaths, or anything, he has ZERO emotion to anyone or anything. He uses people to gain something for them, and discards them when he get’s what he wants or they figure him out. He has walked out of us numerous times, cheated on me numerous times, and acts like…”whatever, I won’t do it again.” and when I bring it up later down the road he always says, “God, get over it already.” He can’t admit fault EVER. It is ALWAYS someone else’s fault, NEVER his. I am officially DONE!
Hi there – I found out 8 months ago that my girlfriend is a compulsive liar. I had to dig to find evidence for about 5 months and it came to that she was lying about everything, her job, her friends, her monetary situation. She also had documents created to fool me into thinking certain things. For the past 8 months we have been trying to work on things and she has been much better about not lying but I do know of certain small situations where she still lied (mainly about spending money) AND she still refuses to admit that she made up 2 people (at least) in her life and created email accounts to which I tried to contact them through. She has given me “details” on these people and they are nowhere online and I did see one email account and it had one email in it, the one from me, nothing else. I have tried to come up with ways where she can prove to me these people exist but she refuses. She also refuses to discuss anything in the past as she says we have already discussed these things and the past is the past and I need to move on from it or be stuck in it but she refuses to let the past define her. Is this something that seems like she is not willing to fully heal from her problem? Or do I need to give her more of a chance? Thank you in advance for your responses!
I am trying to get away from a compulsive liar. I thought I was actually going crazy from the way he was making me feel. We have two small children and they even catch his lies. I thought I wanted this marriage to last forever like in the story books but I know I deserve better than what he is giving us. I hope he gets the help he needs.
I just left my husband of 14 years last month and have two young children aged 2 and 7 and am taking full custody of my kids. I am sad and devastated that my marriage perished and at the same time, it feels so much better and peaceful than when I was with him. The first few weeks and maybe months are tough because you are mourning the loss of a dream of a regular family with two parents for your kids and a soulmate/companion for yourself. You will struggle with the chores and struggles of a single parent for sometime till you learn to optimize yourself in this new role. Do not get disheartened and keep doing your best everyday, whatever that is for that day.
The truth is that you are mourning for something that is not there. My husband cheated on me for a year when I had my second child while I nursed an infant. I gave him many months after I discovered the affair to demonstrate his love and commitment, but he could not come clean about the details of his affair and continued with his lies and still does. A relationship will NEVER BE FULFILLING if there are LIES. An intimate relationship NEEDS HONESTY. I am not talking about small petty white lies like are you fat or skinny kind of stuff, but honesty in the big things and every day activity of life. I opened up my eyes and looked back at my marriage and its splattered with BIG LIES that I condoned and chose to ignore. I found out now that he loves to seek validation from other women and has been doing this since the beginning of our marriage. Spouses/partners who are dishonest with their family are selfish and will not be there for you when you need them the most and that is why he bailed out on me when I needed his support the most. It did not help that he has a dishonest and selfish mother, older sister who are always doing self serving things that he dances to. Leave a liar/cheater and you will gain your life back. I would not have believed it a month back while I was struggling to “make it work” with him, but now I do believe that you will slowly gain your life back and its far more beautiful than the crap you live with everyday. DO FORGIVE such people because they are living this life because this is all they know and perhaps it was their childhood that shaped up their personality. It has nothing to do with you or how much more or less they love you. DO NOT TAKE IT ON YOU TO CHANGE THEM; cut your losses and move on. All the best to all of you and pray for me and my kids that I complete all the legal paperwork amicably for the best of everybody in my family.
I can relate to this; I just broke up with my live-in partner of 7 years and am still going through the first months of pain and upset. For the entire 7 years I felt something was always off, things never quite rang right, and there were always reasons not to trust him, which made me feel guilty at times; wondering if I did him wrong. But because we came from such different backgrounds – him Senegalese and me Dutch – I thought much of it had to do with cultural, ethnic or religious reasons, and somehow he was always able to convince me that there were legitimate reasons as to why things happened or didn’t happen. He’d always have a ‘reasonable’ answer. In 7 years he barely introduced me to anyone in his life as where he was part of my entire family, children and grandchildren. After our break up, which infuriated him, he insulted me one last time saying he and his ex-wife were getting together again – hoping it would hurt me. Instead, I put my pride aside and decided to contact his ex-wife to inquire about his assertion. I now wish I had done so 7 years earlier. She is the one who gave me some insights into his life before me, and it turns out that almost all he ever had told me was untrue. The hardest thing for me to swallow is that I gave this man my trust; and it makes me wonder about him ever having loved me for any of those 7 years. Was it all a lie – can I be that wrong about every aspect of us?! What else did he lie about – other than the things I discovered? And finally, I have this enormous need to confront him about my learning about his lies. I have such a need to do so. Of course I know he’d just try to hurt me more and lie yet about other things; continuing his pattern of deceit… I’m just not quite there yet to sort it all out and haven’t taken the appropriate distance yet. I’m still not able to leave it all behind me, understanding that I must. I’ll hope to get there.
If you have been lied to for years like some of the writers describe, its HIGHLY unlikely to improve.Damage done.If there are no kids then run,walk,skip cycle- just go the opposite direction.If there are kids,save,study,therapy-justwork on you..all that energy you are using on detective skills,figuring out,making excuses for them, blaming yourself.. you wont get anywhere but crazy,and you wont get that time back either.Good luck either way.